Thursday, April 30, 2009

Bought And Paid For

Maybe this explains "Green Week" on NBC. Maybe this explains MSNBC's love for Obama. If you scroll down to FDIC totals, you will see that General Electric, the parent company of NBC has received $41 billion of a pledged $126 billion in Obama bucks.

Other than the amount of money, is there any difference between NBC and these ladies?

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

The Chief

The Chief is my eldest brother who is a retired chief petty officer (CPO) living in Jacksonville with Mrs. Chief. The Chief has only one kidney (he actually has two, the other being in my little sister for the last 13 years. My brothers and I were vying to be the donor but the Chief’s kidney was deemed most worthy of our sister).

Around the time he gave up his kidney he gained a wife. A wonderful Catholic lady. And here is where this tale begins.

The Chief was going to go out with two of his Navy buddies for a bachelor celebration. Being a sober person I was asked to drive him to these destinations. Having been sober for ten years at the time, I saw some delivery systems for adult beverages of which I was unfamiliar. For example, waitresses would carry test tube racks containing test tubes filled with colored liquids. I believe these were called “shooters”.

After visiting a few of these places, the Chief was muevo boracho. That’s when his buddies talked him into going to a strip joint.

This was going to be tough for me. Since I got sober and started trying to get my situation straight with Jesus I’ve been staying out of those kinds of places. But I made a promise to the Chief and I had to keep it.

While driving to the strip joint I prayed to God. “God, I do not know how You are going to do it, but I need to get bailed out of this.”

Friends, there is surely a God who involves Himself with the affairs of men. The Lord answered my prayer by reaching down from heaven and touching my brother.

And the Chief threw up all over the inside of my car. He apologized, told me to take him home right before passing out.

I was never as happy as I was cleaning it up. Thank You Jesus for the puke!

Insert your own joke here

The Fox Network will not be broadcasting the president's primetime message. They will be showing their regularly scheduled programming.

Which tonight is a show called "Lie to Me".

As for me, it's Wednesday night so I will be worshipping the real Messiah.

Spector the Defector

Arlen Spector on March 17th:
I am staying a Republican because I think I have an important role, a more important role, to play there. The United States very desperately needs a two-party system. That's the basis of politics in America. I'm afraid we are becoming a one-party system, with Republicans becoming just a regional party with so little representation of the northeast or in the middle atlantic. I think as a governmental matter, it is very important to have a check and balance. That's a very important principle in the operation of our government. In the constitution on Separation of powers.

The first, second, third, and only reason that Spector is switching parties is to avoid getting his fanny kicked on the GOP primary. All this talk of the party moving too far to the right is Bravo Sierra considering the hardcore right-winger the GOP had for a presidential candidate last year.

Spector claims that he will not change his rejection of union card check. When he announced that he wouldn't support card check he said that he would change his mind if the economy improves (which should be in 2011 after he is safely re-elected). I predict that if he faces a card check supporter in the PA Dem primary the economy will be improving very quickly.

Monday, April 27, 2009

The most expensive marijuana in America...

…is the joint former UF Gator Percy Harvin smoked before the NFL combine. Add concerns about his durability and his Wonderlic score, Percy drops down to the 22nd pick in the draft. I hope it was good weed, because I’m guessing it cost him $20 million.

Here in Buccaneer land, the peasants are revolting over the Bucs first pick. Our worst fears (that our new head coach had a man crush on K-State QB Josh Freeman) were realized. The name Bucs fans are comparing this pick to is that Hall-of-Famer Trent Dlifer.

Not that there is anything wrong with the fourth-best QB in a conference that played no defense, but it would have been nice to pick up a badly needed DE or LB (they picked a DE later, but they missed some really good ones to go with Freeman.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Minor sport, major stupid

A lot of times, we hockey fans are accused of taking our sport and favorite teams a little too seriously. I usually laugh at those suggestions - ESPN is currently running 22 hours per day of NFL draft coverage (the other two hours are poker). Either Mel Kiper Jr. sleeps with his eyes open and his mouth running, or they've finally crossed the Uncanny Valley and we're watching CGI half the time. (I think I saw "MK-II" stamped across his hair last night, just for a split-second.)

Still, I have to admit that sometimes hockey reporters and writers take things a mite too far, such as Jim Kelley's encouraging advice to Montreal goaltender Carey Price:

It won't ease the sting of losing to the Bruins in four straight. It won't take away the pain of being mocked by his own team's fans after he was beaten for four goals in the first 33 minutes of Montreal's last-chance game. This was a Canadiens team of which much was expected and precious little was delivered. It will, however, provide a ray of hope. A lifeline the likes of which kept the captain of the Maersk Alabama afloat until the sharpshooters arrived.
(Emphasis mine, as if it really needed it.)

Montreal once rioted when the league commissioner appeared in the Forum after suspending Maurice Richard... That was fifty-some years ago, so I doubt that Price has to look over his shoulder when going out to get the mail in the morning. I mean, if Eagles fans haven't burned down half of Philadelphia by now, then the kid is probably safe. But even if he was a little worried, do you think he read this morning and thought, "Whew. Jim Kelley's right. I don't have to request that trade to Phoenix so nobody will ever find me."

To recap: "losing hockey series at age 22" = "held hostage by pirates on the high seas 8,000 miles from home." "Booing" = "threat of imminent death." "Possible future success playing a game on ice" = "dramatic military rescue." And while we're at it, "Jim Kelley" = "juuuuuuuust a little over the top."

Thursday, April 23, 2009

I Predict 2010

Charlie Crist will not run for re-election as governor of Florida. He will run for “Amnesty “ Mel Martinez’s open Senate seat. Here’s why:

With the exception of a state senate seat in the 1980’s he has never run for re-election, he has always moved on elsewhere.

It appears that Florida will balance its budget on the Obama bucks. The Obama bucks will be gone by 2012. Does Charlie want to run for president from Tallahassee having to balance a budget sans help from the Obamessiah?

This convinces me more.
Gov. Charlie Crist is proposing that the state solve much of its budget deficit problem this year and next year with a "front-loaded" gambling compact – in effect a loan – with the Seminole Tribe of Florida.

Under the agreement Crist just announced, but which would need approval by the Legislature, the state would get most of the first four years' worth of its share of Seminole gambling revenue in the next two years, some $1.1 billion.


But because of the front-loading arrangement, the agreement would give the state $600 million in the coming budget year, $500 million the following year, nothing in the third year and very little money in the fourth year.

Asked whether it's wise to depend so heavily on gambling revenue and federal stimulus dollars for the next two years, when they won't be available thereafter, Crist responded with characteristic optimism.

"The other thing that is happening, that I believe is already starting to happen, is that we are seeing the, hopefully, beginning of the end of the recession," he said.

So Charlie’s going to balance the budget on Obamabucks and the Seminole bribe (whoops! I mean loan). When the time comes to run for president, all this cash will be gone.

And I predict that Charlie Crist will be safely in D.C. when that happens.

In 1978 I was 19 years old and stationed on Guam. I voted for the first time by absentee ballot. Senator Bill Bradley (D-NJ) was on the top of the ticket and I voted for him. I was drunk at the time.

Next year may be the first time in 32 years that I will not vote for the Republican on the top of the ticket. Heck, if Amnesty Mel were running for re-election I might have skipped the top two GOPers.

I know I've threatened this before, but next year may be the year I become a free man.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Happy Earth Day

Global warming is my fault.
HIGH rates of obesity in richer countries cause up to a billion extra tonnes of greenhouse gas emissions every year, compared with countries with leaner populations, according to a study that assesses the additional food and fuel needs of the overweight.
And I thought I had the smallest carbon footprint around.

The TV show “24” is starting to get on my nerves. One of the many reasons that I do not watch NBC is the network’s slavish devotion to Mother Gaia. You’ve got Jack Bauer torturing people between PSA from the shows actors asking me to help Jack save the environment. Is there any escape?

Other Earth Day tidbits:

A convicted murderer loved by liberals (not Mumia, another guy) was a
co-founder of Earth Day.

Today is also Vladimir Lenin’s
129th birthday. Coincidence?

Monday, April 20, 2009

Just some NJ Taxpayers....

...trying to get their money back.
Sen. Raymond Lesniak says he was robbed early Saturday by two young men who broke into his Elizabeth home while he was sleeping.

Lesniak tells The Star-Ledger of Newark that he was woken up by noise and saw two men standing just feet from his bed.

The Union County Democrat tells the newspaper that the men seemed surprised to find anyone at home, and one suggested they shoot him, though Lesniak did not see a gun.

The 62-year-old Lesniak says the men took cash, a cellular phone and the keys to his Lexus hybrid, which they left untouched in his garage.

Police are calling the home invasion "highly unusual" for the normally tranquil are near Kean University. They say the men, who are still at large, broke in through a basement window.

What I Saw at the Revolution

I was present at the Tea Party at Lykes Gaslight Park in downtown Tampa yesterday. I got there at 4 pm, an hour early – which was good because there were already 100 people on site.

Folks were holding signs along the main drag of Kennedy Blvd elicting honks from passing drivers. Many veterans were there, some holding signs reflecting the current opinion of the
Department of Homeland Security, “I Went to Bed Last Night an Iraq War Veteran and Woke up a Terrorist. A very pretty young lady’s sign, “Read My Lipstick, No New Taxes”. A few had signs with reference to Atlas Shrugged.

According to the organizers 1500 folks were there by 5 pm. The stage was on a flatbed truck parked in a street spot on one side of the park. The event started with a recording of Celine Dion singing "God Bless America", and the Pledge of Allegiance led by a retired Marine Gunnery Sergeant. The speakers were local businessmen and radio talk show hosts (no politicians), preaching governmental fiscal restraint. Kind of like the government calling the Dave Ramsey Show.

I saw no evidence of kookery, or the Ronulans, or libs making trouble. Make that one instance of kookery: One of the speakers brought up Obama's birth certificate. Can't these people see that the reason he's not releasing it is because it drives them nuts?

This was not in any way a religious event, but I saw one sign with Galations 5:1 ".It was for freedom that Christ set us free ; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery". That seemed to fit the mood.

And to top it off, out of 1500 people I ran into two friends and didn't have to take the bus home.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Stuck in the middle with Q - American Idol round of seven

Movie music, y'all, with Quentin Tarantino as the mentor. I wonder if he vetoed anyone who suggested that they'd sing something they heard in his movies.

The really short version - the judges are only going in pairs, so the contestants will not hear from half of the panel. Stupid idea. It doesn't really matter. In fact this will be a short post because I'm on vacation with my lovely wife and am enjoying myself too much to get too wound over this.

Basically what you need to know is that everyone sang wretched power ballads like "Don't Want to Miss a Thing" and "Everything I Do, I Do for You." Snoreville. Well, Danny's "Endless Love" was good, and I liked Kris with a K, who looks more like Hal Sparks every minute. And then there's Adam, who smoked "Born to Be Wild." Absolutely killed. There's him, and then there's six other people who are just marking time. Poor Lil. I'm in the minority here, since Ladybug thought it was "aight" and so did our friends - but I think Lil was terrible. Way too many pointless runs, and most of it was off-pitch.

Q was kind of wasted. I wanted to see him in the judges' panel, but with not enough time to let everyone talk as it is, well, no chance. Pity. He was terrific in season three.

The judges apparently used the save for Matt. So we re-do the seven next week. Usually this means they split folks up into two sets of three, and let poor number seven pick which trio is safe. I hope they resist the temptation this time.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Harry Kalas (1936-2009)

A voice of my childhood has been silenced.
Kalas, in his 39th season as narrator of all things Phillies, collapsed in the broadcast booth around 12:20 p.m. and died after being rushed to a nearby hospital. He was 73.

Phillies players and personnel were informed of the news by club president David Montgomery in a somber pre-game meeting.
Harry Kalas joined the Phils radio broadcast team in 1971, the first year of that ratdump known as Veterans Stadium. I was 12 years old.

Most of you non-Philadelphians remember him as the voice of NFL films and doing NFL games on radio for Westwood One.

He was teamed up with former Phillies Whiz Kid Richie "Whitey" Ashburn in the Phils booth. Whitey was very Phil Rizzuto-like on air. Each broadcast would have a trivia question and Whitey would never get it right, even one's like this:

HARRY: Whitey, Who had the most hits in the NAtuional league in the decade of the 1950's?

WHITEY: I'm sure it was Stan Musial.

HARRY: Wrong, Whitey. It was you!

Today I listen to USF basketball games on the radio broadcast by Harry's son Todd. He sounds like his dad.

Now, that's all I've got.

Rough week for baseball. Mark Fidrych is gone.

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Rest in peace

This is horrible news.

ANAHEIM, Calif. -- Los Angeles Angels pitcher Nick Adenhart and two other people were killed early Thursday by a suspected drunk driver just hours after the rookie made his first start of the season.
A minivan driven by one Andrew Gallo ran a red light and plowed the car in which Adenhart rode as a passenger, killing him, a second passenger, and the driver. A third passenger is still in critical condition. Gallo promptly bailed and tried to flee on foot, only to be caught thirty minutes later.

Yeah, instead of staying to help, or at least calling 911, he took off. (update - in doing so, he also abandoned his own passenger, who was injured in the collision.) He tested over the legal limit. He's done so before, according to the story, and was driving on a suspended license when he ran through the light and killed three young people.

On top of all that, a fan of the Angels' has just died of injuries received in a fight at the stadium on opening day.

There aren't enough words in me to describe how sad this all is, and how angry I am at that incredibly selfish and careless snot driving the van.

updated... with a great interview with Adenhart by Rich Lederer of the always-excellent Baseball Analysts. AND, with the "winoism" tag, as per Spider's comment.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Once again, we set the trend here at the Hive

I won't blame anyone for forgetting this post about hockey and statistics, because, well, it's about hockey and statistics. It could make my eyes glaze over and I love both of those topics. But hey presto, now look at what I spied with my little glazed eyes: Fixing Plus/Minus by Tom Awad at Hockey Prospectus.

He had two simple improvements to suggest: first, adjust the individual's +/- to counter his team's influence over the overall number. Then, factor out the goalie (a person playing in front of Martin Brodeur is better off than one playing in front of Peter Budaj). The remaining number (he calls it RPM, for (i guess) Revised Plus/Minus) is a decent attempt to measure individual contributions to what is inherently a team-oriented activity.

One wishes he'd included more of the actual math, so one could duplicate his results. However, the chart at the bottom of the article is excellent, and at first glance it jives well with "I trust my eyes and guts, dagnabit" impressions of defensive play. The Islanders' Mark Streit, for example, is leading his team in scoring (as a defenseman!) and is still a plus player on a dreadful team. His RPM recognizes this. The list does seem to skew towards forwards, however: 23 of the top 30 instead of 18 of the top 30 (if it was an even distribution).** I don't know if that's a problem or if the forwards have just been a little better than the defenders this year. Perhaps there should be an adjustment for icetime - the average defender plays more, and should thus have a greater share in the numbers. (I'd check it myself but the lack of a formula or shown calculations is a hindrance.)

** EDIT - the 18 of 30 number is based on the ratio of three forwards to two defenders, which is the typical lineup; but an NHL team usually has four forward lines and three defensive pairs. Based on that ratio (2-to-1) a list of 30 would have 20 forwards instead of 18. I may wind up dusting off some of the old math I had been struggling with and try an adjustment based on ice-time, which seems the fairest measurement.

Monday, April 06, 2009

Speaking of Philly activism

Here's good news.

WASHINGTON — Mumia Abu-Jamal has lost his bid for a new trial in the killing of a Philadelphia police officer in 1981.
The Supreme Court said Monday it will not take up Abu-Jamal's claims that prosecutors improperly excluded blacks from the jury that convicted him of murdering Philadelphia police officer Daniel Faulkner.

Minor quibble - since the conviction was upheld, I'd amend "killing" to "murder" in the opening sentence. Other than that, it's cheesesteaks all around. (Mr. B and I had already planned a run in May, but this makes it a command appearance. Anyone in the area who wants in is welcome.)

(h/t to the Ace of Spades headline sidebar - or is that sideline bar, or...?)

The Academy of Country Music Awards

There have always been pop artists who will dabble in country music now and then with varying success. Back in the 1970's Ray Charles put out a country album. The Eagles crossed over. Even John Denver - who was not well liked in the country music community. I remember the year that Denver won an award and Charlie Rich, the presenter, set the card that had bore Denver's name on fire after he read it.

The past five years there has been a lot of crossover by pop musicians. Kid Rock, Sheryl Crowe, Bon Jovi, even Springsteen had videos on Country Music Television. Not to forget the guy with the number one song in the country right now, former Hootie and the Blowfish singer
Darius Rucker.

I was watching the Academy of Country Music Awards last night when Billy Ray Cyrus came up to introduce the next act. Now before Billy Ray was Miley's dad he was a fairly successful country singer. In his intro he pushed the product pretty hard, mentioning his new record coming out on Tuesday and the kid's movie coming out on Friday. Then he introduced his daughter, who was going to perform.

This was actually the first time I've heard Miley Cyrus sing. And if the Lord can protect me it will be the last. Flashing lights, explosions, big stage show couldn't hide the fact that this kid can't carry a tune in a bucket. Is this what kids are buying? Most ladies in country music don't need the Britney circus act because they can sing.

Billy Ray, buddy. Last year your daughter was photographed half-nekkid by Annie Leibovitz under your supervision. Miley's what, 16? and she has a 20 year old boyfriend. Dude, you're not just her business manager, you're her DAD

Friday, April 03, 2009

The International People’s Democratic Uhuru Movement…

…better known as the Uhurus.

Mr Bingley posted
this last week, and I am finally getting around to throwing in my two cents.

This is the first I have heard of the Uhurus outside of St Pete FL. They are pretty big here, but not as big as they were around 13 years ago.

You can tell by the name that they are black Marxists. They do not call themselves African American. They are Africans. No one, and I mean no one, hates whitey more than the Uhurus.

I first heard of them in October 1996 when a druggie named TyRon Lewis decided he didn’t want to get out of his car and tried to run down the St Pete cop who was standing in front of the car. The cop shot his sorry posterior dead. The Uhurus rioted for two days, which earned them a community center (which they named after the dead druggie) and some pull in the St Pete City Council.

But times have changed for the race baiting business. Last June at a graduation party a teen named Javon Dawson was firing off a gun. The St. Pete Police arrived and told him to put the weapon down. He pointed the weapon at police. Guess what happen to him?

The Uhurus screamed. They claim the kid wasn’t armed (GSR said otherwise). They wanted the state attorney to recuse himself and for Charlie Crist to pick a independent investigator. Crist, who normally panders to minorities, didn’t give these people the time of day. The cops were rightfully cleared and the Uhurus didn’t even have the guts to riot about it. I guess poor Javon won’t be getting a community center named after him.

Local politicians have discovered that there is no need to fear the Uhurus. This must be true in Oakland as well, since a ton of Dem politicians went to the memorial for the four officers this piece of dirt murdered.

Normal race baiters like the Revvums Al and Jesse stay clear of the Uhurus. All they can do is whine. They have no political pull whatsoever.

And thank God for that

Unlike the Philly group MOVE, the Uhurus haven't sworn off indoor toilets.

Thursday, April 02, 2009

Tension convention

We've been talking about this over at Tracey's cyber hacienta... and now, it's time for the spam to hit the fan, y'all. Forget fierce: there may be an actual throwdown in the apartment between the models.

Background - Tahlia had a rough week and doubted her place in the Next Top Model competition. She then went out and won the week's photo shoot. Celia, however, waited until they got to the model going home and jumped up to say that Tahlia should be sent home. Smiling faces, sometimes they don't tell the truth.

Tyra called nonsense on it, of course. And speaking of calling nonsense, I call it on the guest coach, Beth Stern, who chirped "You're all winners in my book!" after the challenge. Well, good for your book. Here in reality, only Natalie was the winner. London was a close second, and the rest were awful. Jeepers, girls, you got to pick the pictures you were emulating, and it was still mostly terrible. "Remember the face!" says Mr. Jay. "Give us some face!" Strike a pose, there's nothing to it.

Alison is still my favorite person this week. "I have these big eyes, they're on my face, they're not going away." Heheheheh. She is trying. She recognizes that they are a great gift, but they also hold her back sometimes. her challenge pics are poor.

Hey - Prince has a new album at the Target. Even the commercial sounds completely terrific.

So, yeah, the throwdown: there's so much going on here - starting with Animat saying that she's going to go take care of her business. Of course, it's Tahlia's business, but that isn't stopping Animat any more than it stopped Celia. Alison gets dragged into it, "It reminds me of why I hated high school," she says. "Tahlia makes this speech from the stairs... it's was a little too 'Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul' for me." Ha! I wish she could channel that in the photo shoots. Natalie is unimpressed: "When she's struggling she wants to go home, and when she does well suddenly she wants to stay?" Animat gets into Natalie's face and there's the sublime and ridiculous scene of someone standing inches in front of someone else calling them "Stupid," repeatedly. Missy, that ain't a mirror, you can stop embarrassing yourself now. Take my advice, I'm only trying to school ya...

Oddly, after the near Gorgeous Ladies of Modeling rumble and the challenge, we find Celia and Tahlia chatting like actual adults. Apologies, explanations. Celia is "100% certain" she'll be sent home this week, and that's not unreasonable, unless somebody really collapses in the shoot. Sandra kind of lived down to that mark, I think. So did Alison. And Celia was very good in the shoot. Hm. This is going to be veeeerrrrry innerestern, innit?

So who embodied colors the best, y'all? Aminat did green all right; Natalie was orange, and was kind of, well, round and pumpkinish. Tahlia gets ad hoc fashion advice, and we see her "violet" - looked better in the picture than in real life, they say. They tell her they have to make the photographer catch up with her, not lead her around. Then they have to ask about the late unpleasantness. She's honest about her discomfort, and they're supportive. This is one heck of a show. They're handling this great.

Celia follows. She embodied practical grey, and they liked the picture. Didn't mention last week. Teyona (yeah, sigh) was yellow - Tyra drops a hope and change comment. Yeah, sigh.

London, blue, made the judges feel her color, but in a bad way - they were kind of sad for her. Alison's pink picture impresses the judges, but they all note a lack of range. All the same picture. Please, change things up, they say. Sandra embodied white, and there's a lot of "no power" and other generally blah things to say. Uh-oh. Fo was red, and the judges are quite complimentary. The photographer pays the ultimate compliments to Celia and Fo - couldn't shoot enough of them, wanted more frames.

I think Fo wins the week, and Sandra is in huge trouble, especially after being bottom two last week.

Bing! Fo is your winner. Teyona is second, Tahlia third. Celia is getting hurt by last week already. Aminat is fourth. Alison is fifth. (Those unearthly eyes are going to carry her far.) Celia's picture was certainly better, but Nigel said it in judging - he's finding it hard to even deal with her. Natalie and London are also safe.

Sandra - lovely girl, beautiful pictures... and her second consecutive look at the bottom. Celia, again, good shots and great style, but last week dynamited her career.

Tyra keeps Celia in. "Don't mess with another girl's money," she warns. "I'll be damned if I let anyone do that to one of my girls. Your picture saved you." Consider the boom lowered. If that warning shot had been any closer Celia would be short half a boat. She takes her singed pride and shuffles back to the crowd. Sandra, who was not that great actually, packs up and takes herself off to Delusion Central - I'm the best girl here, I shouldn't be going home. Well, while you're saying that we're looking at all of your pictures from the past five weeks, and yeah, you kind of do deserve it. Boo-bye.

And the pity of it? Sandra eliminated Kortnie (yeah, sigh), who was much the more interesting and pleasant lass, and whose "immigrant" picture was actually pretty good. And she wrote a heartfelt letter to her erstwhile housemates - which was completely ignored this week amid the mass hissy fit.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Impersonating actual talent - AI results, nine to eight

For the actual snark and performances, SarahK is on the case. I'm just too blitzed right now. But here's the results!

First, the commercial - All Mixed Up, but they kind of like it. I kind of don't. Then the group sing, "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey. In some alternate universe, the final nine are singing Mixed Up, and the Ford spot is seventeen minutes of parallel parking.

Someone at the Idols is reading the great SarahK, and they have a segment on the behind-the-scenes Idols. Interesting, but much the lightweight version of what Sarah was talking about in her post. Great segment with them goofing on each other, doing corny imitations of their performances. Super Saiyen doing Matt's "Viva La Vida" was pretty darned funny, as was (surprising!) Anoop's impression of Kris singing "."

Now they are splitting the nine into three groups of three: Matt, Megan, Kris with a K; Adam, Lil, and Allison; Scott, Gokay, Anoop. But enough of that excitement - time for David Cook! Sweet skinny black tie. My man. Singing his newest single, "Come Back to Me." Me likey. He played overseas for the troops - brilliant. They just rolled out a plaque for his debut album going platinum. DC - "I put out a solo album in '06 that sold something like 1000 copies in a year." Says he always cries on this stage. Cool guy.

So 36 million more votes have brought us to this. Kris sang "Ain't No Sunshine," and he's safe. Hi fives all around. Matt sang "You Found Me." I'm guessing there's one of the bottom feeders in each of these three groups... I know, now I'm really going out on a stretch. Anyway, Matt's safe, and Kris immediately goes "April Fool's! Go back on stage!"

Megan is snarking Simon: "I love you but I don't care." Well, neither do we, for you. Ryan sends her to the Eggcups, and she caws her way over. Why? Because she hates us too.

Second group. Lil is safe. Allison is not. That was kind of a given, considering that Adam is standing right there, in all his Lordly Emo-ness. He was compared to Mick Jagger and Steven Tyler. Don't strike me down, but I think the better comparison is Freddy Mercury. The reason they can't do Queen Week anymore is because nobody can keep up with Freddy - his chops are just too righteous. But Adam has both the voice and the absolute over-the-top commitment to the performance. If he does wind up out early, it will only be because he's indulges himself and sings something that leaves the audience befuddled.

Gokay and Scott are both safe. Anoop takes the third Eggcup, as both he and Randy thought would happen.

Erm... somebody with Fisher Price hair and wearing aluminum foil is playing a giant neon bubblegum piano. Her name is Gaga. She's accompanied by a fiddler. It's a numbuh one reh-courd called "Poker Face." When exactly did this become Neptune Idol? I mean, I can't be the only one puzzled here. She looks like Bjork playing Floston's Paradise. Some guy on stage is having a grand mal seizure listening to this. Wait, now there are three other guys in suits having grand mal seizures in unison while Gaga sings. This is one part bizarre performance art, one part Eurotrash synthpop, one part backwoods hick symphony, and the grand total is 100% awful. Ladybug - "This is crap."

The Idols wait. Anyone worth saving, Ryan asks. Simon: "Only one." Really? "Yeah." HAHAHAHA! Then they send Allison back to safety. Now, that total is zero. Annnnnnddddd.... Megan pulls a bizarre fake "Oh noes" face, which I kind of want to punch.

YES! Megan's out. Kaput. Simon spells it out: "You can't pretend to care, and we can't pretend that we're going to save you, so this is your swan song." Someone in the audience caws at her. She sings herself off in front of the judges: Ryan is bobbing, Kara is clapping, Paula is standing and dancing.... and Simon is casually drinking Coke. I love him with all my heart.

Next week, birth year songs. And we can all breathe just a little bit earlier.

Reefer Madness

Last night the good folks at Netflix brought me the 1936 documentary "Reefer Madness". Guys, this film has more laughs in it that most movies that try to be. The intro brushes over heroin and cocaine to warn parents of the real threat to their children, the madness of "marihuana".

The school principal is talking to this kid who was a straight A student and top tennis player until he started listening to jazz and smoking reefer. 'So Bill," asks the principal, "Have you picked up any bad habits lately?" I shouted at the screen, "You know he's smoking reefer! Ask him if he's smoking reefer!"

There are teens using reefer and then committing murder (I didn't think a stoner would be that motivated.)

The dealer doesn't sell his dope by the ounce; he buys it from the supplier premade into cigarettes. The machine used to roll the joints was very similar to a kind of machine advertised on TV for tobacco back in the 1970's (Who here remembers cigarette ads on TV?)

Also, there is a scene where the principal is on the office of the local FBI. "Marihauna is grown in every state of the union, "explain the G-man, 'There's no interstate commerce so our hands are tied." Been a long time since anyone in the federal government gave a rat's toenail about the Interstate Commerce Clause.

I am worried about my employer. He listens to a lot of jazz, and that leads to getting hooked on reefer.

OMG! I listened to Steely Dan last night. Am I next to succumb?