Need Something To Do in Tampa This Weekend?

How about gay country line dancing?

If you happen to be in Ybor City this weekend, expect to see cowboy hats. Expect to hear music involving trucks and hound dogs. And expect the unexpected.

Pink fringes. A line dance step reminiscent of the Wizard of Oz. A man doing a cartwheel off another man's leg.

"In the gay circuit, you dance with a man, you dance with a woman, it doesn't matter," Roger Bell said. "Nobody turns their head twice."
"Unless," Chris Kilburn added, "they think you're hot."

Through Sunday, hundreds of gay cowboys and cowgirls will compete at the Tampa Marriott Waterside for the Tampa Bay Yo Ho Hoedown, the annual convention of the International Association of Gay and Lesbian Country Western Dance Clubs.

You just can't make this stuff up.

It's ladies night

Sorry to gang up on the Lord's Own Hockey around here, but this is pretty big news - three women (Cammie Granato, Geraldine Heaney and Angela James) will be enshrined in the International Ice Hockey Federation Hall of Fame. (Note that this is not the same outfit as the Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto.)

This is especially interesting since the Puck Stops Here featured a couple of conversations on this topic two months ago. After the initial to-and-fro (check the comments), PHS posted a follow-up with his reasoning.

Manon Rheaume is not one of the three women to be inducted. Of course, neither is Danielle Goyette, whom I mentioned as a good candidate, so I suppose we're all square. And there's always next years' inductions. As of right now, however, I stand by my earlier position - Rheaume was very well-known and thus a key to developing women's hockey, but actual Hall of Fame enshrinement as a player should be reserved for those pioneers that kept with it the way Granato, Heaney, and James did.

This guy is kidding, right?

Damien Cox writes for the Toronto Star, so I will give him the benefit of the doubt on his hockey knowledge. His article yesterday for ESPN, however, did not demonstrate any of this. Or, to be more accurate, I have to disagree with his conclusions - to the effect of, what the heck is he thinking?

The headline is "Some expect Crosby to elevate NHL in first Cup finals, but is that fair?"

The expectation mentioned is that Sidney Crosby, the über-talented Pittsburgh forward, will be a huge asset to the NHL as it tries to capitalize on his first visit to the Stanley Cup Finals. The answer, in short, is that he's the public face of hockey in the US and it can't possibly hurt the league any. But first, I have to quibble - to wit, the media itself is one of the major sources of this expectation, and nowhere in the article does Cox mention that.

He does mention that the media are "infinitely more complex" today (and really, "infinitely" more complex?), and that Pittsburgh is only the 22^nd-largest media market in the US today. But he doesn't mention the impact of the media on such a prediction, except to say that since the markets are smaller, the impact also will be. But if the markets are smaller, shouldn't the expectation be as well?

Of course it isn't, because the games will air and be covered in much larger markets than Pittsburgh - including Detroit, the other team in the Finals (currently the 11^th-biggest TV market), and Cox's own market, Toronto, currently #1 in Canada.*

OK, moving on.

Perhaps, just perhaps, it's the most significant chance for the NHL's Great Leap Forward since the New York Rangers snared the Stanley Cup in 1994, an opportunity squandered through a host of problems, including a deadly boring style of game, labor issues, reckless expansion and an inability to cement a major U.S. television presence.

I think one other problem to mention is that the league is terribly marketed, which Cox (to be fair) notes later. If the NHL doesn't make hay on this series, it won't be Sid's fault unless he gets held scoreless and generally plays like crap.

Poor kid, just 20 years of age. Labeled the next Wayne Gretzky before he played an NHL game, he's already been asked to save the Pittsburgh Penguins from insolvency and be the flag bearer for the "new NHL" as it emerged from the destructive lockout of 2004-05.

I will pause here to note that this is an incredible amount of hype - and for the most part, he's lived up to it. He was the league's leading scorer and MVP last season at the age of 19. His team is in the Finals.

Now, with the Penguins about to face the Detroit Red Wings in a glitzy 2008 Stanley Cup finals filled with marquee names and intriguing story lines, Crosby, as the league's top individual marketing tool, is being asked to deliver a virtuoso performance that will somehow vault the NHL into a new level of success and profitability Oh yes, and be a humble, unselfish teammate at the same time while figuring out a way to outfox the Red Wings, merely the NHL's best team this season.

But here's the thing - he isn't being asked to do this for the league's sake. The primary thing is that he and the rest of the Pittsburgh Penguins want to win the Stanley Cup, probably the most famous and revered trophy in sports history. Every hockey player on Earth dreams of holding it someday, and having his name engraved on its base. Nobody sits around thinking, I don't give a rat's ass about the Cup, but the league needs me, so I'm gonna score a hat trick for Gary Bettman!

Just over four months after providing the NHL with a wonderful Kodak moment -- his shootout winner in a snowstorm at the feel-good Winter Classic at Ralph Wilson Stadium in the suburbs of Buffalo -- Crosby arrives at his first Stanley Cup finals as the youngest to captain a team this far and the first NHLer with a national presence in the U.S. and Canada since, well, Gretzky.

It's funny how Damien Cox is coming up with dozens of reasons why Crosby may be able to deliver in an article in which he eventually concludes that he won't.

Some even suggest that having Crosby in the Cup finals could give the NHL the same enormous boost in popularity the NBA received way back in 1984, when Magic Johnson of the Los Angeles Lakers and Larry Bird of the Boston Celtics met in that league's championship series. ... Asking Crosby to provide an equivalent push over the next two weeks is, well, probably wholly unrealistic.

Now, the media effect is one, underexplored reason in the article. A second entirely unmentioned reason is that the games are so widely spaced out. This series doesn't even start until tomorrow, despite both semifinals having ended last week. It's not like the Red Wings and Pistons even play in the same arena - and the Pistons were in Boston the past three days. Wouldn't that have been a good time to hold at least Game One?

For starters, he's only one player. Bird and Magic had each other to double the impact.

This would be a great chance to mention Crosby's teammate Evgeni Malkin, and the terrific Detroit pairing of Pavel Datsyuk and Henrik Zetteberg. It will be incredible to watch these guys getting after each other.

The NHL in 2008, meanwhile, isn't the NBA circa 1984. Then, the NBA was a largely untapped mine that needed organization, discipline and clear vision. Today's NHL has a veteran commissioner, an international presence and 12-18 solid franchises, yet its roots seem to go barely below the surface in the South and Southwest of the United States, salary costs are again on the rise and Detroit (an Original Six team and "Hockeytown" to some) has seen thousands of empty seats in the playoffs.

No argument from me. Also - none of this is Sid's doing.

Bird and Johnson, meanwhile, played a sport in which their excellence could be celebrated with noteworthy statistical achievements; Crosby labors in a league that, after an explosion of scoring in the first year after the lockout, has slowly gone back to a game in which defense trumps offense.

There was a fine discussion of this over at The Puck Stops Here. The upshot of that conversation was that it's not necessarily goals that keep the fans involved - it's the quality of play, whether or not it results in a 2-0 game of a 6-5 game. If the defense and goaltending is strong, the game can still be a tense thriller, where each thwarted opportunity and each great save, becomes another indelible moment. I watched the third period and all four OTs in the Dallas/San Jose series-ender, and it wasn't because there were a dozen goals. "Noteworthy statistical achievements" is relative, after all. If Sid does get ten points in this series it will be as noteworthy as a 30-point average from a basketball star. It's not that basketball has more noteworthy stats; they're just better-known.

I have the sad feeling that there's a much better article here that Cox managed to squander.

In other words, the ability of any NHL player to stir the imagination is, to some degree, limited by the nature of the modern game itself; -

That's sort of like saying that triangles are limited to some degree by the nature of geometry. Even if everyone were scoring 40 goals a year like the go-go 80's, Sid would be a cut above that. Besides, Sid's got a Gatorade commercial - he seems to be doing well in the modern game.

- the sport is still hidebound by the "Slap Shot" attitudes of those who prefer broken teeth and runnin' the goalie to speed, gorgeous goals and exhibitions of superb skill.

WHAT?!? OK, totally off the rails. Fighting, as was reported on ESPN.com the same day as this appeared, is well down from twenty years ago. (The quote: "According to unofficial statistics at the Web site dropyourgloves.com, fights per game are down from an average of 1.29 per game in 1987-88 to 0.40 last season.") What's even dumber is that the mid-80's also featured the highest scoring in the league's history, so the "Slap Shot" attitude obviously doesn't preclude gorgeous goals and exhibitions of superb skill. Part of the unique appeal of hockey is this juxtaposition - that such great skill can flourish in a game where anyone may come along and knock you clear into next week - or just into your own player's bench. This is both a skilled AND a rugged game.

Meanwhile, this gem of a Cup finals comes at a time when television ratings for the NHL, always strong in Canada but usually minuscule on a national basis in the U.S., have shown some significant upward trends in these playoffs on both NBC and Versus.

You're right! Everything's looking up! WE'RE DOOMED!

Crosby fits nicely within the hockey culture, one in which loudmouth Sean Avery of the Rangers is seen as boorish and self-promoting.

Wasn't Cox just talking about the hidebound Slap Shot mentality - which Avery personifies? Where did that go? Oh, and there's Datsyuk, who's twice won the NHL's Lady Byng Trophy for gentlemanly play at a high level. How do these guys fit in nicely with a culture he just decried as the opposite of their standard? I suppose Cox is trying to say that Crosby and Datsyuk won't appeal to this mentality because of their skill, and thus their potential to raise the league will be diminished - but wouldn't it be easier to type that instead of wandering back and forth?

Believe me, I live in the Northeast and I see it - Avery is the most popular Ranger on the roster, at least to the fans. And he's the most reviled Ranger among the Devils, Flyers, Isles, and etc. In other words, he's the guy everyone loves (or loves to hate). He is hugely popular. Neither is he a talentless goon. He's good enough to score 15 or more goals a year while centering a checking line (and thus also shutting down the opposing team's top threats), and he sees penalty kill and power play time. He could probably do more if he could stay out of the penalty box a bit. Most fellow players don't like him, I daresay, since he demonstrates little or no class on the ice - but he's not just a skating pair of fists.

But in 2008, will Ozzie and Harriet manners and throwback decency (Crosby still lives with Lemieux and his family, for goodness sakes!) be enough for the NHL to get what it wants out of this terrific Stanley Cup finals matchup? Probably not.

And why not?

It's extraordinary to consider what someone so young has already delivered to a league, particularly a league that in so many ways has been almost self-destructive over the past 15 years. Crosby helped save the Penguins. He helped save the NHL from its own greed and stupidity.

Yeah, great reasons why, but why not? Why is this guy writing the exact opposite article he wants to write?

Leaving aside that he could get hurt just like anyone else, there's three reasons. One, his teammates could outshine him. This wouldn't hurt the league all that much if the games themselves were exciting. Second, he could lose, as Gretzky did his first trip to the Finals; we all know how that hindered The Great One. Third, he could get utterly shut down by Nicklas Lidstrom and company - and Cox never mentions Lidstrom at all, only that the Wings were very good this season.

Maybe he could be permitted to celebrate his 21st birthday (on Aug. 7, for those of you scoring at home) before being asked to deliver the NHL to the promised land.

Lay off the kid, he's only the most marketable indivdual in the league playing for the greatest trophy in sports! Or maybe the league should hold off on the games until August 8? Come on - he's here NOW. If the media and the league took this advice, they would be ignoring a golden opportunity to promote the sport as well as the individual, once-in-a-lifetime talent that Sidney Crosby possesses.

The only hindering factor is the league's tendency to stomp itself in the boot. Sid is already doing wonderfully despite that, and there's no realistic reason to fear that he won't continue to do so, simply by keeping up what he's already done.

*Nor does he mention (or link) his source, which I suspect is the same as mine - it lists Pittsburgh 22^nd in TV. FWIW, Arbitron's radio ratings have Detroit at 11^th and Pittsburgh at 24^th. And Toronto? Number one in the Canadian market.

Cadet Happy uncovers the truth

SarahK's co-blogger at Snark Raving Mad has discovered the secret behind Randy's wardrobe on the Wednesday finale:


Heheheheheheh.

McCain dumps Hagee..

..and Pastor Garnish.

After enduring criticism for weeks, John McCain broke Thursday with two controversial televangelists whose endorsements he once trumpeted in a bid to win support from religious conservatives.At a late-afternoon rally in Stockton, McCain said he rejected the endorsement of John Hagee after learning of a recording in which the San Antonio pastor portrayed Adolf Hitler as being sent by God to force Jews "to come back to the land of Israel.

Now, McCain didn't sit in this guy's pew for 20 years, but he did actively seek Hagee's endorsement. So this criticism is fair. While it is lawful for a pastor to personally endorse a candidate, it is unwise to do so.

But this hightlights a greater issue in Evangelicaldom: end times prophecy. Now between you, me and the blogosphere, Jesus showing up sometime this afternoon would solve a lot of my problems. But we must be wary of what some call headline eschatology; that is, trying to force current events into the book of Revelation. Twenty years ago, Saddam Hussein was the Antichrist, seventy years ago it was Hitler, many times it was the Pope (Some though that when JP2 was shot back in 1981 that was the fatal injury that the Antichrist survived).

My pastor preaches about this occasionally. However, unlike pastors who endorse McCain he is not given into kookery. He plainly points out what we know and what we do not know.

But we all know Hillary is the Great Harlot of Babylon, right?

No wait! Obama's the Antichrist!

We're brothers forever! AI season 7 finale

It’s David vs. another, slightly larger David… not exactly worthy of the Biblical buildup we’re getting here. Twelve seconds into a two-hour show and already my eyes hurt. Let’s get on with it.

Here are your top twelve, singing “Get Ready, Here I Come” (to a venue near you). Heh, David Archuleta looks so detached. “Just give me my million dollars already.” Mostly good. However, The Love Guru looks lousy. Jeepers, that was unfunny. When did Mike Myers turn into a flea-market version of Robin Williams? This is terrible. He can’t need the money that badly, can he? At least he had the grace to cut it short and get the hell out once he realized he was bombing.

Syesha teams with Seal for a very good “Waiting on You.” I wish she’d made the final. Then Jason revisits “Hallelujah,” and does well – not quite the revelation he was his first go-round but still fine. I wish he’d made the final.

Hybrids for the Davids!

The top-6 girls are up next to mangle some Donna Summer – Carly and Brooke were easily the best of the six. (I wish they’d made the final.) Well, strike that, say best of the five since Syesha didn’t take a solo. Biker Nurse was dreadful, the poor thing. She probably hasn’t sang seriously since getting the vote-down and now she’s out here with all these practiced singers, getting eaten alive.

Now, I’m going to let you in on a secret: it just so happens that Donna Summer her ownself has a single out, called “Stamp Your Feet.” I know this because earlier tonight I was watching ESPN and they waylaid me with a WNBA promo that used Donna’s new single. I bet she’s going to come out and sing with the contestants! See, I’m C-A-T smart. Sadly, the performance is not all that. Donna’s face looks a little over-finished – not quite Joan Rivers territory but a little scary – and she is way off key on “Last Dance.” She seems even to be having trouble holding notes. How can this be the same woman who out-diva’d the mighty Streisand on “Enough is Enough”? Is she OK? Syesha is taking her solo now, and outsinging her. Did you ever think that Donna Summer could be OUTSUNG by an American Idol? My childhood just died a little.

Carly Smithson and Mike Johns (IWTMTF) rock “The Letter,” using the Joe Cocker model. Well done.

Even Ryan is joking that they’ll get to the results eventually. Poor guy is still a little dazed from his ride on the Guru’s mobile cushion – the funniest part of the segment, and boy is THAT bad news for Myers’ vehicle. Instead they bring on Jimmy Kimmel, who is loads funnier than Myers, even though he is as stiff as always. “I valet-parked. How much do I tip Sanjaya?” Heheheh. (Oops, he’s actually in the audience. Funny aside – I saw Sanjaya on one of those “It’s 10:00 – do you know where your children are?” spots on the local channel the other night. It was rather odd.)

The top-6 boys are next, out to sing some Bryan Adams. (I guess he’s got an album too.) “Summer of ‘69” wasn’t bad until Trent Dimas sucked on his verse – it got much better when Chikieze (Like Sunday Morning) kicked in. The Davids come out to sing a little smidge of “Heaven” before turning the stage over to Bryan himself for a couple of forgettable tunes, which I have forgotten already.

Thankfully it’s David Cook’s turn for a solo number – he plays and sings “Sharp Dressed Man” with ZZ Top. They don’t do the guitar spin, which would have been really awesome to pull off, but still trés bién. (I would have done “Cheap Sunglasses,” but I’m old and boring.)

Raise your hand if you hate the remote segments. I have both hands up and am typing with my toes. These are tremendously bad and the hosts are atrocious.

Brooke White and Graham Nash are next, singing “Teach Your Children.” I’m eh on this. I like the song but this performance is quite flat. Of course they can’t help not having Jerry Garcia around on the steel guitar, but they themselves seem disinterested. I’m sorry, but if you guys aren’t going to try to sell the song, why should I buy? Pass. The Jonas Brothers show many times more life and energy. I don’t know the song at all, but that was much more fun. All the tweeners just forgot the Crown Prince’s name, face, voice….

Yay! The montage of misery! Who are they going to show with so many possibilities? Milo was already on last night. They don’t show the “American Idol’s Biggest Fan” dude – probably for the best, they tend to kick these guys when they’re down. There’s Tracey’s pal – “Let mah pipplllll goooooo!” There’s the “Take It!” chickie who’s going to go for actressing. Hey, the Asian Liberace! I love this guy. Awesome, he’s coming out on stage! This guy both cracks me up and makes me smile, if that makes sense. Of course, having the USC marching band and everyone come out makes what was a genuinely touching moment a little corny, a little less heartfelt. It’s like they’re making fun of his earnestness. But I don’t care. Renaldo Lapuz – bless him. (IWHMTF.) (On second thought – he just did, didn’t he? Beautiful.)

One Republic. Never heard of them. Back Door Slam was on the radio the other day, though, and that’s sweet. (I told you so.) Ladybug wants to fast-forward, and it’s a good call – as we start scooting forward we see the Crown Prince pop out, apparently this is his solo. You know, the thing of it is that he is a good singer, he sounds just fine, but alas, something about the kid just riles one, don’t it? I actually feel bad for him a little because I’m so mean. This is really getting involved and I may need to seek help after this post goes up.

They bring out Jordin Sparks. Now remember, the last two “pick a group” contestants – Taylor and Jordin – wound up winning, so Archie’s got the omens on his side. Moreover, I’m pulling for DC and that means BIG TROUBLE. I am the Ultimate Mush. I should get Kiss of Death tats – maybe K-I-S-S and D-E-T-H across my knuckles.

Gladys Knight and the Pips from 1972, sweet – except they’ve erased the pips and replaced them with Ben Stiller, Jack Black, and Robert Downey Jr. (Ladybug – “Where’s Chikieze?” BWAHAHAHAHA!) OK, now I’m bored. Is there a “mute” for the picture instead of the sound? And is it my imagination or is Robert Downey Jr. the funniest out of the three? Oh well, it was a vintage Gladys Knight performance anyway.

Next, Carrie Underwood. She don’t even know his last name. She also don’t know where her pants is. Yipes, that was nearly the end of family night right there. The poor kids in the front are getting more show than they bargained for. What was she thinking? Typical “I gone done wrong” twanger rock, and mostly forgettable. Like some ghastly honky-tonk in the back-wuds, with chick-un wi-uh across the stage. Sowry!

Will this ever end? Is one of these guys going to actually win this week?

The top 12 does another medley, this time of George Michael, whom I must conclude has an album due out. The girls sing “Faith.” Golly, Amanda is just horrible. It’s like she forgot even how to pretend to sing – like she knows before she starts that she’s doomed, and has just given up on trying. The boys do “Father Figure.” Trent Dimas gets the “warm and naked” line and predictably butchers it. Otherwise decent. They all do a little bit of “Freedom” (gee, that’s a lot of F’s) and then the man himself comes out, dressed like Neo and wearing Bono’s sunglasses. It looks goofy, but the man can still flat-out bring it when he wishes. It’s a new song – a Message Song, which somehow doesn’t surprise me – but it’s much better than the standard of the genre. He did very well but I’m beginning to tune out, it’s just going on too long. Help.

OK – it’s results time. I guess the winner will do the Craptacular Single Contest winner. Hurry, we’re running out of DVR here. Simon goes back to last night – he says he went home and re-watched it and it was not nearly as clear-cut as he said on the night – he apologizes to DC. That’s cool. That’s why I dig Simon. We really should have invited him to the wedding, just for kicks. (“That whole sequence on the third dance was uh-tuhly forgettable. You’ll have to do much better to make it to the bouquet toss.”)

Here’s the envelope. “Ladies and gentlemen…” AND THE DVR CUTS OFF.

Friends, at this point, I just want to point out that my wife is MADE OF AWESOME and also recorded the news so we can pick up where we left off. You can’t has, is all mine. Sowry.

OK, so there’s cheering and hugging and I still know nothing – it didn’t pick up cleanly. The missing 14 seconds are the important part. Somebody start singing, please. YES! It’s DC! He stands alone. Take that, middle school America! Holy cow, I didn’t mush him. Hopefully I haven’t killed the album sales.

Sweet, now I can watch season eight. The “song” is called “Time of My Life,” and it seems like the result of an explosion in a cliché factory. All these first singles are “look at me, I won a contest” songs, and it’s blecch. Come on, we want to take this guy seriously and you’re making him perform this turd sundae? I can always gouge out this part of the CD. Great moments with his brother and mom, though, and that’s what I’ll remember. That and the big-brother shoulder hug he just gave David Archuleta. That was a nice touch. All is forgiven, Crown Prince. May you be ever earnest, and may you never be short of gum.

Myamnar gets its priorties straight...

..With the UN's help.

The United Nations will send nearly a quarter of a million condoms into cyclone-hit Myanmar to help needy survivors with no access to contraceptives, a UN official says.

So far, the UN Population Fund (UNFPA) said it had sent 72 800 condoms to survivors struggling to maintain their family planning after the storm hit in early May.

A total of 218 400 condoms would be delivered, UNFPA aid advisor Chaiyos Kunanusont said.
"We don't want regular use of contraception disrupted. An emergency usually damages the health system, so people don't have access to condoms and contraceptives," said Chaiyos.

I may be homeless, starving and have dysentery, but I'm partying Saturday night.

"One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster..."

Touch gloves, come out singing! AI final

Michael Buffer stretches out the intro this time around; still didn't quite get out as long as Ryan, but he held the note better. I like that they used the actual fanfare from the Creed/Balboa fight, and not just "Gonna Fly Now."

It's 180-pound David Cook against the flyweight David Archuleta. (I said 92 pounds, but Buffer said "About a hundred." Heh. He wore the heavy socks tonight.) Simon says that they have to hate each other, and Archuleta spoils that instantly by saying that DC is awesome. Cook wryly notes that he can't say anything now without sounding trite.

Clive Davis and Andrew Lloyd Weber are the cornermen for this. Clive picks "Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" by U2. He does pretty well, albeit not quite as dynamic as the original. Randy is going to call him DC (just like I did, yo, but I typed it first, dawg), and is happy about the performance. Paula says there's no need to keep looking (show's over! Drive safe!). Simon calls in phenomenal.

Now we all get to worry, because the Crown Prince gets to sing "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me," and it's a great pick for him. He gets to be emo and offer us all as much gum as his fellow Oompa-Loompas can deliver. He's even doing it while he's sitting down! Randy is shrieking that the whole stage is lava; Paula says that everything is bright and sunshiny. Simon says it's very easy to be overexcited, but that tonight's performance was possibly his best so far, calls round one to the Crown Prince. He doesn't look happy that he's said it, either. Tweeners are holding up signs asking for his sweet gum-bearing hand in wedlock. Crrrreeeeeeepy.

ALW says that DC may have a little doubt in his voice. We'll see now; the song is "Dream Big," one of the songs from the Putrid First Single Competition they held this year. DC is done with this waltzing the stage. He's got his guitar and leather jacket, and is rocking the tune, as best it can be rocked. The chorus is eh, lyrically, but a bit better than the usual AI standard. The judges are basically saying the same thing: the song didn't live up to the performer. Agreed.

Archuleta is coming up. "In This Moment," probably another Putrid Contest entry. "Reflection/perfection," heh, ALW is right - who wrote this? Holy crap, the Crown Prince is using Kristy Lee's step/crouch move! He has anchors all over his ugly jacket. And they show a long shot of the whole crowd, confirming my suspicions: it's only the front couple of rows doing the slow arm wave; it's all designed to get themselves camera attention. Nobody else cares. Thank goodness. Why is his face such a dull mask when he's hitting the big notes at the end? It's horrible. It sounded very good, but it looked weird. And again, the song was blecch. "Fantastically self-centered lyric," Simon says, but says it was a better choice and he takes round two. DC is going to have to knock him out - or Archie's gonna have to huck up a hairball on Ryan's lapel.

Finally, the contestant choice. ALW says to pick something with a cry of passion, so DC goes with "The World I Know" by Collective Soul - a song he's never performed before. Hope this pays off. Archuleta will sing "Imagine." AGAIN. $$#^%$! That miserable Marxist dirge. Little snot. "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the Angry Dome."

I don't even want to listen. DC is singing far the better song, but the "hug the puppies" kumbaya crowd is going to fall for the Crown Prince of the Politburo. DC absolutely nailed the final song, though, and is actually tearing up here. It's a terrific job, and brilliant choice: he sang an Archuleta song, only it had balls. Magnificent. Randy thinks he should put it on the album and sell it now, Paula applauds him, but Simon thinks he should have gone with Billie Jean or Hello. "Why do something I've already done?" he replies. Hot damn! Twist that knife.

OK, the Commie bunk. "Imagine no possessions." Imagine no record contract, kiddo. He is doing a different arrangement of it, acoustic with strings, but he only sang the one verse and chorus, and that's it. ...the hell? He's showing some actual emotion this time, but "the world will live as one" is, strictly speaking, CRAP. If we all took this song's advice, the world would die as one.

I can't believe what I'm hearing. The judges fell for this! He wasn't even that good this third time. He barely sang any of the song. I am so irked right now. DC showed range, emotion, and wasn't a repetitive tool. He will sell so many more records than the Crown Prince.

Hey, Ruben's here! They're recapping the season's big moments. "No Sex Allowed!" There's the glee club kid, and the Asian Liberace! Good times. Jason Castro! Danny Noriega! I will try to forget the horror of this final hour and think of David Cook owning the Billboard.

The Spider's Weekend (Prologue)

This weekend I was on our church retreat We Christian soldiers retreated to a place about 25 miles north of Tampa called the Word of Life Conference Center in Hudson, Florida.

This is the place to go if, like me, you have the attention span of a gnat. And I needed to keep my attention because we always invite a speaker to teach us something out of the Bible. Over the weekend our church gathered together in a conference room to hear four sessions of pretty intense stuff.

Sometimes I read the Bible and wonder why certain parts are there. For example, Exodus chapters 25-40 are instructions for the recently-departed-from-Egypt Israelites on how to build the tabernacle, the tent which housed the Ark of the Covenant.

Now I don’t want to show disrespect for God’s Word, but Exodus 25-40 isn’t exactly riveting prose. A modern editor would have helped Moses chop five chapters out of it. And one can wonder why it is in the Bible anyway. What does it tell me? Many of us can think of verses in which the importance is self-evident. (John 3:16 is an obvious one.) But 16 chapters of detailed instructions on making tents and gold objects and altars and priestly garments?

Our speaker for the past few years as been a gentleman named Dan Hayden. Over the weekend he told us of the importance of these chapters. I am sure he has a doctorate in something because when he started translated the Greek and Hebrew I realized that I was not in the entry-level class anymore.

This week I am going to briefly summarize these four sessions. I know that there are many of you who are Catholic, Episcopal, Presbyterian, Methodist, Lutheran or otherwise unaffiliated, and I can use this as an opportunity to explain evangelical theology. Or at least to the best of my feeble abilities.

Cussin', fussin', and discussin' are greatly encouraged. (Well, maybe not too much cussin'.)

Ever listen to a sermon....

...and you're sure the pastor/priest is talking about you!

ABC News' Eloise Harper Reports: When things couldn't be looking worse for Sen. Hillary Clinton's bid for the presidency in 2008, as her rival Barack Obama closes in on gaining enough delegates to secure the nomination, the former first lady attended a church service in Bowling Green, Ky., Sunday featuring a sermon about lust and adultery.

The hour-long sermon focused on the sin of committing adultery -– as outlined in Mathew 5:27-32.

Long ago I went to a friend's church, mainstream Lutheran, and the pastor preached David & Bathsheba. Later. my friend told me that some in the congregation were none too pleased with the subject material. The guy kept it clean; he wasn't humping the pulpit like Jeremiah "Ridin' Dirty" Wright. My theory was that some of these good Christian folks were doing or thinking about doing something and their guy was hitting a little too close to home.

Your guy shouldn't be telling you what you want to hear. He is supposed to be telling you what you need to hear. And some days you may not like to hear it.

My pastor would never preach an whole hour. He knows my attention span.

Hey Nineteen from the Spider

I know I’m late to the party, but here are my nineteen. Nineteen favorite etched in stone are hard to come up with; these are my nineteen as of now. Not in any particular order.

Kid Charlemagne - Steely Dan. Any talk of the steriod era in baseball and this song pops in my head.

Don’t Take Me Alive - Steely Dan. For the guitar intro alone. News stories of serial killers and child molesters cause this song to pop in my head.

Song For America - Kansas. I have three versions of this song. I love the Ragsdale violin solo on Live at the Whiskey (1992) but the one on Two for the Show (1978) is my favorite in its entirety.

That’s Why I’m Here - Kenny Chesney. Yes, I listen to both types of music. This song is about a guy’s first visit to an A.A. meeting. Any similarities to real persons or events…..

America - Rich Mullins. There is much to criticize about current Christian music. No gravitas, theologically squishy, too many songs where your boyfriend can replace Jesus in the lyrics. If you were to listen to Christian pop, I would recommend this guy and the next.

Jim Morrison’s Grave - Steve Taylor. Meditations on the death of the Lizard King.

The Night the Lights Went Out on Broadway (Miami 2017) - Billy Joel. I’m a sucker for the piano intro.

Didn’t I - Montgomery Gentry. From the We Were Soldiers soundtrack. About returning Vietvets. Eddie Montgomery has a rough voice suitable for this song.

Overture- Handel’s Messiah. Forget Jesus Christ Superstar. This is a rock opera. Every December it’s done live in a big Catholic Church in Tampa (a friend would translate the Latin on the ceilings and walls) and every December I’m there.

Mohammed’s Radio - Warren Zevon. I appreciate the lyrical quirkiness.

Freewill - Rush. I hear that Atlas Shrugged will be filmed soon. Will they get Rush to do the music?

Madman Across the Water - Elton John. The version live with the Melbourne Symphony.

Drink, Swear, Steal & Lie - Michael Peterson. More country music. This song is a parody of C & W stereotypes.

Sometimes By Step - Rich Mullins. (I may falter in my steps/ But never beyond Your reach.) Amen to that.

Freedom’s Child - Hootie & the Blowfish. From the musical The Civil War. Single middle-aged guy who listens to Broadway musicals. Hmmmmmm.

Little Rock - Colin Raye. Both types of music. About a guy who is sobering up and trying to get back with his wife. Any similarities….

Jerusalem - Emerson, Lake & Palmer. I absolutely love singing this.

Miracles out of Nowhere - Kansas. I was asking the same questions Livgren was. And I got the same answer.

Stomp - Kirk Franklin. When I first heard this song I realized that my beef with hip-hop wasn’t the music itself, but the B word, the H word the F word the N word, heck the whole alphabet. Kirk Franklin does it right.

I cheated in one way. I currently do not have a recording of ELP's Jerusalem. I like that tune so I need to buy the CD.

Slow blog day

Sorry about the gap in posts right now. Busy everywhere. I can't even bridge the gap with a meme or something. But you can have fun with global cooli er, warm (crap) climate change (whew!) in the comments here. (Language alert)

The American League East...

...has a new team in first place.

Gabe Gross delivered a game-winning single in the 11th inning, scoring pinch-runner Jonny Gomes, as the first-place Rays beat the Yankees, 2-1, on Tuesday night. The win marked Tampa Bay's 11th straight at home, and the first time the club has been in first place this late in the season.

It looks like this:

Rays 23-16 - .590

Bos 24-18 .5 .571

Bal 20-19 3.0 .513

NYY 19-21 4.5 .475

Tor 19-22 5.0 .463

Last August I was up in NYC, proudly wearing my Rays hat in downtown Manhattan. Boy, did I get stares. I wish I could do that today!!!

This is no fluke; these guys are for real. This team has stunk on ice for 10 years - 10 years of Yankees and Bosox fans filling our stadium and cheering on the enemy. Well now the worm has turned, and it is such a joy to watch these slubs go home (They live down here! They haven't lived in Nuuu Yawk in thirty years!) with their heads hanging down.

MORE COWBELL!!!!