Willie Sutton wasn't available

It seems to apply to a lot of our government's decisions, but this particular news is truly worthy of "Good Idea Cat" -



I mean, it's Goldman Sachs, right? Such a bang-up job all their alumni have done in government up until now, it's a brilliant move to hire this fellow.

Spending our way to prosperity simply hasn't been tried enough!

Col. Clarke Gable....

....sent me an email. Here it is:

Hello,
My name is Col. Clarke Gable of the 27th Infantry Brigade, 10th Mountain United States Army in Feluga, Iraq. I'm contacting you on behalf of my team here in Iraq peacekeeping service. We honestly need your assistance to move Allocation {Funds} into your custody for safekeeping pending our final dismissal any time this year...

However, I wish to remind you that I’m a soldier and I have no time to come over the internet for a child play, so please if you are not able to handle this transaction with utmost confidentiality please Do Not Reply.

If somehow you are interested in this proposal, kindly leave a message with your most confidential telephone numbers and I will get back to you with details.


Yours Respectfully,
Col. Clarke Gable
27th Infantry Brigade
10th Mountain
United States Army
Feluga, Iraq.
Email: col.clarkegable AT terra DOT com

Where to start? Col Clarke Gable? Do you think he serves under General Homer Simpson? Does this read like it was written by someone whose native tongue is English? Does "come over the Internet for a child play" sound like it comes from an Army officer? And what GI calls his DROS a "dismissal"? How about discharge or rotation back to the States? And I would hope an Army officer dodging bullets in Fallujah would know how to spell it.

I guess the "widow of the former Nigerian finance minister" scam was losing steam.

[slight edit - I took out the HTML code so the "email" link wasn't clickable. Part of me enjoys the thought of a spambot picking up a scammer's email and sending the same scam back at him; the larger part of me doesn't want anyone clicking through, even by mistake, and possibly getting a nasty virus or trojan horse. -nf]

Still Seeking the Witch of Endor

Our local fish wrap has a front page above the fold story about the economic crisis causing folks to seek help in unconventional places.

Some people ask about their jobs - whether they'll find one or they'll lose the one they've got.

Others fret about making the mortgage or salvaging their 401(k).

"You can just see the look on their face," says Cissy Mercer, a spiritual healer in St. Petersburg. "They're kind of scattered and all uptight, which is normal with the economy like it is.

"They're worried. We all are."

So worried, they're flocking to Mercer and other Tampa Bay area psychics and mediums for guidance that used to come from career or financial advisers.

3000 years ago the King of Israel, motivated by fear, violated his own decree and sought a medium (1 Samuel 28). Apparently nothing has changed, for fearful people still seek out the supernatural.

I do not fully discount this kind of stuff. I had a pal in college who was a missionary to Indonesia, and he saw stuff over there that would be unheard of here in the USA. (Fly, do you remember the guy who came to our dorm and talked about the supernatural as an intro to the movie The Exorcist?)

Now I am sure that 99% of the spiritists, mediums, psychics in the Tampa Bay area have about as much connection to the spirit world as does the Official Puppy of the Hive. But the reason God forbids this is because it does exist.

But if you are going to go this route, make sure you go to a medium registered with the American Association of Psychics. This organization tests psychics, which is important because you want to make sure you aren’t wasting time and money on a fake, but you get a spiritual healer who actually bows the knee to a demon.

Also, make sure they have a permit with Hillsborough County.

I wonder how that psychic test goes. Must one conjure up Elvis before the Association to get licensed?

The most gullible post of the year

update, 2:00 pm - the more I think about this, the more I think that Philbrick really IS pulling our legs, and that this is all satire. If that is the case, then I may win the Gullible Award instead, for getting bamboozled like this.

double-update, 2:23 pm - yeah. It's satire. Me am idiot. Changes have been made accordingly. For those who are curious, I take my dunce caps in a size seven.

ESPN's Mike Philbrick has filed this report on Jason Giambi's resumption of hitting skill.

As we head into the final weekend of interleague play, there's one story that just isn't getting enough attention. Let's just say it -- the continued resurgence of Jason Giambi is nothing short of amazing.

There's a reason nobody likes to mention it - you will find it filed under "Gorillas, 800-pound, in room." Baseball has not really gotten a handle on testing; studied indifference is the best it can manage now that Bonds oozed his way past the Babe. Philbrick is here to play Jane Goodall for us.

Just take a look at a rough sketch of his career:

• Wins MVP with Oakland A's. [while on the juice]
• Awarded a $120 million contract from the Yankees.
• Admits in grand jury testimony that he used HGH and steroids. [see item #1]
• Cleans up his act. [Heheheheheh.]
• Suffers a series of health crises and hits just .208 in 2004.
• Wins AL Comeback Player of the Year in '05 (from you guys, the fans).
• Follows that season up with an MVP-caliber first half so far: He's hitting .271 with 23 home runs and leads the American League in slugging percentage while ranking second in OPS.

You really have to give credit to someone who cheated his way to an elite status in baseball, realized the error of his ways, sort of apologized and has come back as good as ever -- at age 35.

This is precisely why all that HGH and steroid usage is damaging to the sport. Is the Giambi, in fact, clean? His numbers may well be evidence that he's found a better way of cheating. All of the recent examples of people who've made athletic comebacks or extended their primes at age 35? Users. Raffi? Barry? McGwire? Guilty, guilty, and guilty. The man juiced, stopped, and subsequently dropped off a shelf. Did he recover his ability or just his medicine cabinet?

Read the rest. Philbrick's top ten at the end is terrific, and it finally convinced me that I'd been totally had by a great piece of writing. My literalociter was tuned up waaaaaay too high today.