Hah! The Internets says I are geeeenyus righter!

I took the first three paragraphs of an actual finished story that I wrote from beginning to end, all by my own lonesome, and I stuck it in a thingy on the Web that computes the skill of the writing that is contained therein.  And these results were mine:

I write like
Vladimir Nabokov

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

Dialogue?  Yeah, I gotta try some dialogue.  The results:

I write like
David Foster Wallace

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

You see that? I are teh awsum. Burn thine inferior printed materials and harken unto this blog!

The Nightfly: Algorithm approved since Monday afternoon!

So what if I'm not appreciated? You know who else wasn't appreciated? HERMAN F'K'N MELLVILLE, that's who. And I can do action sequences, too.

I write like
Dan Brown

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

MUA-Hahahahaa...aa....  ...  Awwwwwwwww.

Via Spleenville.

Memey, memey, nice and dreamy

It's an iPod shuffly sort of thing, probably gone round before, but why not. I like rediscovering things, especially when it means cheap, easy content.

The rules, as described by SarahK:

1. Put your iTunes, iPod, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN, NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag whoever you want including me.
5. Have fun - you will be surprised at how it works sometimes.

Background: the ol’ Pod has 4150 songs on it, and many of them are quite odd, since it holds all of my show soundtracks (and a CD compilation of TV themes). Luckily I haven’t put all my Christmas music on it yet. As for tags... hey, go for it if you like it.

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
“What Is and What Should Never Be,” Led Zeppelin. Heheheheh.

WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
“All I Need,” the Temptations. Two for two, iPod.

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
“Tuesday Afternoon,” the Moody Blues. OK, this is getting eerie. Bonus - the track from "Days of Future Passed" includes "Evening (Time to Get Away)." Sing it, iPod.

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
“As Long as I’m Singing,” Brian Setzer Orchestra. The word processor wants to call him Brian Seltzer. Poor guy. (Be advised - I have a poor singing voice, but I know of know song called As Long as I'm Writing.)

WHAT’S YOUR MOTTO
“The Simpsons End Credits.” Did I mention the odd stuff on the ol’ Pod?

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
“Some Things You Never Get Used To,” the Supremes. Hahahahahahaha...

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
“Black Dog,” Led Zeppelin. Whoa, this meme went sideways pretty quickly.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
“Boom Boom,” the Yardbirds. I don’t know what this means. 50’s singer Freddy Cannon? Former boxer Ray Mancini? Artillery barrages? Maybe it’s shooting at the walls of heartache. No, that’s Bang Bang (that awful sound). Stop confoozalin’ me, iPod.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR FIRST KISS?
“Promises, Promises” by Naked Eyes. Oh, ouch. Moral - never mock the iPod; it hits back hard. Probably a design feature.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
“Night Court.” Wha?

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
“Still Alive and Well,” Rick Derringer. Interesting. I’d have picked differently for myself, but that’s kind of the whole point of this exercise, isn’t it? Besides killing time and finally putting up a post.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
“Hot Fun in the Summertime,” Sly and the Family Stone. LOVE this song.

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE/LOVE?
“Velveteen,” Yoko Kanno/Ilaria Graziano. Ladybug and I first bonded by discovering that we both enjoyed Kanno’s music.

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
“Luck Will Turn Someday,” L/R soundtrack. We didn’t – and it’s hardly a dance number, though it’s a good song. If any of the songs we DID dance to had turned up, I think I would have burned my iPod as a witch.

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
“You’ve Made Me So Very Happy,” Blood Sweat & Tears. Holy cow, my iPod made me tear up.

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
“Advice,” the Pillows. Ah… Sadly, I am full of help for others.

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
“Pulling Mussels,” Squeeze. Hahahahaha! That would be pretty bad for a goalie.

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
“Bad Case of Loving You,” Robert Palmer. Sorry, all… the secret’s out! I love my wife. (Gasp!)

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
“Weather with You,” Crowded House.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
“Route 101,” Herb Alpert. Hm. This is on the Traveling Cosmic Yurt soundtrack (coming soon!) so, again, I think my iPod may be a witch. Build a church out of her!

BONUS TRACK: “Five-Eighths,” again from the L/R soundtrack. It’s the instrumental version, so there’s no heavily-accented English. Very pretty song. I know practically none of the words.

Don't you know the Dewey Decimal System??!?

Both Nina and Kate P, super literary types, have determined where in the library they would be located, based solely on name. (As compared to Kate P being, y'know, an actual human librarian by profession, and thus being located at the circulation desk or something.)

Sounded like something to try. My result was:

328 - the legislative process

Class: 300 Social Sciences

Contains: Books on politics, economics, education and the law.

What it says about you: You are good at understanding people and finding the systems that work for them. You like having established reasoning behind your decisions. You consider it very important for your friends to always have your back.

Quite interesting. A decent read on my personality, I think, and probably closer on the subject matter than I like to let on. I don't necessarily enjoy politics and stuff, but I do like reasoning through my decisions, trying to understand people, and it's important for friends to have each other's backs.

The website also lets you "cheat" by putting in your birthday and "favorite 3-digit number." I know very few people who just happen to have a favorite three-digit number. Anyway, based on birthday I'm some Eastern European reference material; based on the number of a former apartment I used to live in, I'm in this section...

231 God

Class: 200 Religion

Contains: The Bible and other religious texts, books about the general philosophy and theory of religion

What it says about you: You don't mind thinking about the unknown or other very big ideas. You will never feel like your work is finished. The 200-series is dominated by Christian topics, so you may feel like you're constantly surrounded by Christians.

Despite having a school librarian wife, I had no idea that my former apartment would wind up being in the God section of the virtual library. The part about being surrounded by Christians is certainly true, since we were all from the same college prayer group.

PS - the source of the quote in the post. Yeah, so that's a "made of awesome" tag, right there.

Again, Filibuster!

Keeping up the Fifth String meme.

Hey Tim, you can find portions of the Porkulus Bill here. It’s only a summary, but the House Dems promise to have it all up online 48 hours before a vote. (They promised! )

UPDATE: I think the whole thing is here.

My governor and the president’s new BFF is happy for the Porkulus, but a little bummed that cash for him will be less than he hoped.

Gov. Charlie Crist says he's pleased with a compromise federal stimulus plan although Florida likely will get less money than anticipated.

Crist's office had estimated Florida would get at least $10.4 billion, but that figure probably will be reduced because the $790 billion total in the compromise is lower than initially passed by either the House or Senate.

Crist, who appeared with President Barack Obama in Fort Myers on Tuesday to campaign for the stimulus, said Thursday he's happy because just a few months ago the cash-strapped state was looking at "no stimulus at all."

We know what you are, governor. We are merely discussing price.

Judd Gregg decided he doesn't want to be Commerce Secretary. Do you think it has to do with Obama taking the Census Bureau out of his department and under direct supervision of the White House?

Rahm Emanuel running the 2010 census. Nothing I need to be concerned about, right?

Filibuster

A meme courtesy of Fifth String.

I share his frustration. A silver lining is that the Obamessiah will not get his precious bipartisanship. Three RINOs in the Senate (including Arlen Spector the Cowardly Defector - which is a bit of a puzzle. He's re-election next year and usually this is about the time he pretends to be a conservative.) does not bipartisanship make. The GOP can run against this in 2010.

Of course that doesn't help us now. And the Republican caucus isn't that courageous. They are just more afraid of Rush Limbaugh than they are of our Dear Leader.

A Christmas Survey

cross-posted in the comments of Tracey's post. Go there and play along!

1. Opening presents: Christmas Eve or Christmas morning?
... a little of both. Christmas Eve when i visit the folks on my Dad's side of the family, and the rest the next morning at Ladybug's folks.

2. What do you do with all the paper as it’s being ripped from presents? What about the ribbon?
... we save the neat ribbon and any gift bags; we toss the rest as we go.

3. Do you take turns opening presents or is it a free-for-all?
... more turn-based than real-time.

4. Does someone act like Santa, passing out presents?
... usually.

5. Do you play Christmas music in the background whilst opening presents?
... there's Christmas music most of the time: meals, presents, etc. etc.

6. I have just given you a gift of socks. Tell me what you say to make me believe you like them, you really like them.
... actually, I probably DO really like them. I never seem to have enough socks and I hate it when my feet feel cold.

7. Do you like egg nog?
... very much.

8. Are there any other kinds of nogs that you’re aware of? If not, why not just call egg nog “nog” if it’s the only nog there is?
... actually, I think "nog" is the modifier, not the noun; there aren't different types of nog, there are different types of egg product: egg nog, egg cream, etc. Then again, my wife makes a nog punch which is maybe 25% nog, and 75% other fun things like kahlua and ice cream and coffee.

9. Are there any pre-dinner drinks or snacks available at your house on Christmas and, if so, what are they?
... they are endless. We Italians graze before we sit down for the actual meal. The items depend on who's cooking and what sounds interesting while we're planning.

10. What do you wear for Christmas dinner? If you wear elastic pants and admit it, please know I admire you deeply and may very well fall in love with you. Please do not panic.
... we tend to dress decently; not quite church best but it's an occasion and there's usually lots of relatives to look nice for. Breakfast on Christmas morning is our slouch-around shlubby-looking time.

11. If you’re not hosting the dinner, do you assist in the pre-dinner prep?
... sure do. Everyone volunteers to bring a dish.

12. If so, have you ever considered starting to play with the nearest child immediately upon your arrival at said Christmas dinner, causing him or her to REQUIRE your delightful company up until the very moment dinner is served thereby making it impossible for you to leave the little angel’s side and assist in the kitchen lest a loud, unsightly tantrum ensue? I’m just sayin’ is all. I myself would not do this, oh no, but I would not judge you should you decide to give it a whirl.
... we've got a dearth of adorable children in the family right now - the youngest of any of the cousins is 15. In a few years this may be a viable strategy.

13. What’s for Christmas dinner? Along that same vein, what time should I be there?
... to which course do you refer? There's usually some atnipasta and other hors dourves, some digestion, then a turkey, and more digestion, there's usually a lasagna or some other pasta (Italians, remember?), and then yet more digestion and probably a nap, and then pastries and coffee. Basically, show up any time after noon and you will need a wheelbarrow to get back to your car.

14. Do you have a kiddie table and will I be forced to sit there?
... see above. Even if we did, no, we would make room for you with the rest of us, and force you to talk about grownup stuff for about three minutes - or until someone quoted "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians," whichever came first.

15. Who is tipsy at your Christmas dinner, besides me, of course?
... we're not inclined to the tipsy; at least, not through tasty beverage. I am pretty much permanently tipsy through natural causes, and especially at holidays.

16. Is there something that is tradition at your Christmas dinner that you cannot stand or simply do not understand?
... nothing comes to mind.

17. Turkey: White meat or dark meat?
... dark, thanks!

8. Turducken: I know what it is. I need to know why it is. Please enlighten.
... Infinitely Recursive Poultry. If anyone could answer this I'm sure a shadowy government conspiracy would chase them across the snow-covered streets, with thrills, twists, and a truly cockamamie plot device; tragically killing the wise older mentor and a couple of wassailers, before finally indulging in a pointless set-piece in front of the tree at Rockefeller Center, in which we discover the shocking, shocking truth about Frank Perdue's secret island experiments, funded by Butterball and Aflac.

19. Cranberry sauce: yea or nay?
... yea.

20. What happens after dinner? Napping? Sqaubbling? Frolf?
... is 'frolf' a hobbit or a Muppet?

21. What’s for dessert?
... Italian bakery goods, pies, and snitched leftover turkey scraps while no-one's lookin'.

22. What’s the best Christmas dessert, in your opinion?
... I'm on record as favoring my Mom's creme puffs, which were a holiday staple all the years we were kids. I may break out the old recipe this year and restart the tradition.

23. Now that it’s dessert, who is snockered? You can tell me.
... I can't. Remember that shadowy conspiracy? There's enough left for a sequel to The Turducken Code. It's called The Snockered Syndrome. We've got Denzel Washington and Charlize Theron. THIS Christmas, it's PERSONAL.

24. How many pieces/helpings of dessert do you have? Just know that whatever number you tell me, I will double it in my head to get closer to the truth, ‘mkay, Peaches?
... mmmm, peaches...

25. Will Christmas carols be sung loudly and off-key, ad nauseum, until baby Jesus cries?
... we do this at our parish a few days before Christmas. I don't know if Baby Jesus cries, but I usually do.

26. Will you be forced to pose for photos at some point by someone making their giddy artistic vision your immediate personal burden?
... well, reverse it - I'm the giddy artistic one, and everyone else just wants me to put the blergin' camera DOWN already for crying out loud.

27. Finally … Christmas day exit strategy: What’s yours?
... exit strategy? Usually we just peter out and sleep for a while.

All the cool kids are doing it!

It's a list of stuff, see, and you bold the stuff you've done, right, and then whoa, some people are adding little explanations and stuff and...

No - that's OK. I've just slapped myself for that opening. It would have been easier to delete the opening, now that I think of it, and not write any of this as if we were talking and I couldn't just undo it all, with nobody the wiser. I'm leaving it because it's more fun to let you poor innocent folks witness my mental malfunctions. Bold is stuff I've done, italics is stuff I haven't.

Started my own blog - who do they think is doing this meme? Should I run to the mimeograph and run off copies to hand out?
Slept under the stars - childhood camp-outs at friends' houses
Played in a band - a bad idea on several levels
Visited Hawaii
Watched a meteor shower - no. In fact, it brings up a personal sadness: I also missed Halley's Comet the last time it came by. I could possibly catch it on its next pass, but I would be 88 years old.
Given more than I can afford to charity - sadly, no.
Been to Disneyland/world - yes, but I was a toddler and can't remember it. There are photos, however.
Climbed a mountain - it sounds cool, but no.
Held a praying mantis
Sung a solo - almost. I had a speaking but non-singing role in a middle-school musical revue.
Bungee jumped
Visited Paris - I have never been further west than Cleveland, unless one counts Tampa, which is further west by latitude. (Quick trivia - which US city is due north of the westernmost point in South America? Answer below!)
Watched lightning at sea - I've never been all that far east, either, so no.
Taught myself an art from scratch - kinda. I have never been formally coached, so everything I know about goalkeeping I either read or just picked up through trial and error.
Adopted a child
Had food poisoning - ugh. Bad Thai. I hadn't been that sick since I was nine and I ate two pounds of chocolate at one sitting. (Boy was THAT a stupid idea.)
Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty - when I visited people weren't allowed to go the entire way up, so no. But it's incredibly impressive up close.
Grown my own vegetables - this was a big thing for my Italian great-grandparents (and I suspect for many others folks' relatives from the Old Country). They had such an incredible garden. Like many of my generation I lack the patience for this noble hobby.
Seen the Mona Lisa in France - nor anywhere else. I'm gonna flunk all the foreign stuff.
Slept on an overnight train - never been on an overnight train. The ride from Tampa to Fort Lauderdale was kind of long but it was daytime.
Had a pillow fight - I've lost many. I'm the France of pillow fighting.
Hitchhiked
Taken a sick day when not ill - in fairness, I have also dragged myself in when I ought to have been in bed; once, with bronchitis. My boss at the time called my mother to drive me straight to the doctor because she heard me breathing from the other side of a loud, busy kitchen.
Built a snow fort
Held a lamb
Gone skinny dipping
Run a marathon - even when I was in shape, I couldn't go more than a mile or two. Top runners can reel off all 26 miles at an average pace of five minutes per mile. It's basically running flat out for the length of an entire movie. Holy crap.
Ridden in a gondola in Venice - I would fear for my safety by drowning or pole-inflicted harm.
Seen a total eclipse
Watched a sunrise or sunset
Hit a home run - during intramurals at Rutgers one year. It was so corny you'll think I'm fibbing, but it's true: I hit a full-count pitch down the rightfield line and legged out an inside-the-park grand slam. Sadly, it wasn't the last inning and we would up losing the game anyway.
Been on a cruise - friends who have say I should get with the program. At least the dangers of pole-related injuries would go down.
Seen Niagara Falls in person - the closest has been a wonderful old jigsaw puzzle my Grandma used to own. She also had one of the Space Needle in Seattle. Putting them together on her dining room table is one of my earlier memories.
Visited the birthplace of my ancestors - that would be completely awesome. Maybe I should cruise there?
Seen an Amish community - Lancaster County, PA. Sadly, some of that "genuine Amish" stuff you see when you visit is complete bunk, and you have to wander a bit.
Taught myself a new language - I hardly remember any of the Spanish I learned in school, and haven't ever taken one of those Berlitz or Rosetta Stone deals... we'll say no.
Had enough money to be truly satisfied - eh, the more you have, the more you need. Satisfaction has to come first, and then the answer will always be yes. Fortunately I've never had enough money to forget that lesson.
Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person - what's with all the Italy and France stuff? Is this Jacques Cousteau's meme? "Have you ever piloted a bathysphere at 1000 meters while narrating?"
Gone rock climbing - nope, only hiking over rocky terrain.
Seen Michelangelo's David - friends of ours have a David refridgerator magnet with add-on clothes. Seeing the David in jeans, purple T-shirt, and a ball cap is quite fun. Since this wasn't specified I'm counting it!
Sung karaoke - yes. Let us never speak of it again.
Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt - only in cartoons... and then it's usually called "Old Fateful" and the villian is about to be launched into low orbit, to the amusement of our wisecracking hero.
Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
Visited Africa - no, I missed the rains out in Africa. I'm gonna take some time to do the things we never dared.
Walked on a beach by moonlight
Been transported in an ambulance - not as a patient, but I was in an accident as a boy where my Mom needed to take the ride, and I came along.
Had my portrait painted - I suspect that this is one of those things that sounds cooler than it really is. (Mildly-related trivia: in later MASH episodes all of the cast sit for portraits by Colonel Potter, which are later seen hanging in his office. According to imdb.com, Harry Morgan actually painted them.)
Gone deep sea fishing - "These gentle giants of the deep feed only on the smallest plankton and algae. Their only natural predator.... is Man."
Seen the Sistine Chapel in person - nope. Not even as a refridgerator magnet.
Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris - as compared to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Vermont? (more Mildly-related Trivia - Monsieur Eiffel also designed the Statue of Liberty. I haven't been to the top of anything he's ever built.)
Gone scuba diving or snorkeling - snorkeling, once. Apparently I did poorly because it seemed impossible to suck down enough air through that tube once I was under the water.
Kissed in the rain
Played in the mud - played FOOTBALL in the mud. Hells yeah.
Gone to a drive-in theater - yes! We saw Hooper with Burt Reynolds.
Been in a movie - I dreamed I was in a Hollywood movie - and that I was the STAR of the movie. This really blew my mind!
Visited the Great Wall of China - ok, for the travel stuff, let's just cool it. "Have you ever done a close flyby of the Sea of Tranquility?"
Taken a martial arts class - almost. My martial-arts buddy was into Philipino two-stick fighting for a while and tried to teach me the basics so he could practice the forms with a partner.
Visited Russia - "Have you ever done an emergency saucer separation at warp speed?"
Served at a soup kitchen
Sold Cub/Girl Scout Candies/Cookies - I added the "Cub" part. And the candy part. It's apparently a gentleman's agreement: the ladies sell the cookies, and then the guys sell the hard stuff. I once sold 630 candy bars at a buck a pop to win an Atari 2600. It was a proud moment.
Gone whale watching - I've never even seen "Free Willy."
Gotten flowers for no reason - I've gotten them for my Ladybug.
Donated blood, platelets or plasma
Gone sky diving - I try not to leave any working airplane until it's landed and parked.
Visited a Nazi concentration camp
Bounced a check - only once. Nowadays I have emergency overdraft, or this would be a far worse record.
Flown in a helicopter - one of my hockey friends has his solo copter license, and he's offered to take us up. To my knowledge none of us has accepted. You know, it's your basic manly-man tough guys who shriek like Miss Muffet at the thought of sputtering around in a plastic eggshell held aloft only so far as the laws of physics aren't paying attention.
Saved a favorite childhood toy - I've saved very little from my childhood, sadly, and am making up for it by hoarding every scrap of flotsam now.
Visited the Lincoln Memorial - nope.
Eaten caviar - Ewwww! No!
Pieced a quilt
Stood in Times Square
Toured the Everglades - no. I have skipped the swamps on my every visit. Which reminds me - the answer to the above trivia question? Miami is due north of the westernmost point of South America.
Been fired from a job - I've bailed on a couple of horrid ones, but haven't ever been sacked.
Seen the Changing of the Guard in London - why, yes. IN MY TARDIS. Stop making me feel like the bumkin I am!
Broken a bone - surprisingly no. I've chipped a tooth, and once I dislocated a pinky that has healed crookedly, but I've never broken a bone.
Been on a speeding motorcycle - holy crap. This is why I won't go up for that helicopter ride. At least here I didn't have to worry about the bike suddenly plunging a thousand feet.
Seen the Grand Canyon in person - this one stings.
Published a book - another near-miss. I had a parody poem published in a student literary magazine, way back in the day.
Visited the Vatican - Nope. Nor have I seen the Pope in person on any of his trips.
Bought a brand new car
Walked in Jerusalem - "Here in the Holy Land, the ancient ways are still practiced... only in a modern fashion." How is this guy still seeing all this from a bathysphere?
Had my picture in the newspaper
Read the entire Bible - I always bog down in Numbers and Deuteronomy, but I've read a good bit of the rest.
Visited the White House
Killed and prepared an animal for eating
Had chickenpox - great, I finally get back into the bold, and it's for this. What's more, I had them when I was 20. Those were an ugly few weeks. I actually left school because I missed too much time to get caught up.
Saved someone's life
Sat on a jury - amazingly, I've never been called.
Met someone famous - I've met people who've subsequently become known: Dawn Eden is probably the best example. My near-misses are funnier, such as the time I watched as seemingly every clerk in Borders came up to breathlessly ask if they could help a shortish, scruffy, jeans-and-work-booted guy who already lugging a stack of material a foot high. "What's with these people bugging this guy?" I asked my Ladybug. "Besides, he looks kind of suspicious to me." She just gaped. "Um... that's BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN." Oh.
Joined a book club
Lost a loved one - too many already.
Had a baby
Seen the Alamo in person - neither the actual Alamo nor any film representation.
Swam in the Great Salt Lake - What the hell kind of meme is this anyway? Is it really way up on people's to-do lists in life to swim the Great Salt Lake? Is this the bathing equivalent of playing Augusta National or running the bulls at Pamplona? "I've climbed the highest mountain on every continent - now to swim the seven lakes! Superior, Huron, Erie, Salt, Tahoe..."
Been involved in a law suit - nothing more than bailiff at mock trial competitions.
Owned a cell phone - yes, but right now it's lost and hasn't been replaced yet.
Been stung by a bee - right on my kneecap when I was six.
Ridden an elephant
Read all three volumes of the Lord of the Rings
Visited the Taj Mahal - I'm pretty sure that ol' Meme Cousteau here hasn't done half this either. For the travel questions he's just listing all the things sitting in snow globes on his bookshelf.
Performed in a dance recital - I could barely dance at my own wedding without pulling something.
Been on horseback while the horse jumped over something - down in Busch Gardens in Tampa, I got to see the Clydesdales up close. It's astounding that something that large can move around so gracefully.
Won an athletic competition - some deck hockey tournaments.
Gotten a straight-A report card - nope. I did get all A's in one subject for a whole year, but never a 4.0 for a single term.
Prayed to Zeus - "Help! Jesus! God! Buddha! Somebody! Zeus! Anybody! Satan! You owe me!" (Yeah, from Futurama. The quote's not exact.)
Watched news coverage, rapt, to see what was going to happen - a few times. Unfortunately, 9/11 was the most recent. I really didn't glue myself to the TV for the recent election.
Gotten lost in a building more than 500 years old - so after listing several old old buildings and structures ol' Meme decides to just lump in all the rest of them, just to make the remaining less-traveled among us feel utterly pathetic; to say nothing of the grand old structures. "OK, it's the Taj, the Great Wall, the Leaning Tower... and then, eh, the Tower of London and the Hagia Sophia and all the rest of it can just be 'all of the above.' " Nice.
Kissed somebody milliseconds before bells started to ring - of course, at a wedding it's often that one has to rush across the room to kiss one's best beloved because of ringing bells (or clinking glass or whatever). I don't think I've ever done that in the other order, however.

You want in, jump in!

Seven wierd reading facts

Thank goodness for memes when blogging is tough! Basically, just seven oddities about one's reading habits. Since reading is quite personal, I expect that these will give some people quite the turn; some will possibly prompt "Yeah, me too! I thought I was the only goofball who did stuff like that!"; some will perhaps make you shudder in horror.

1. I used to be a mortal terror to books. At first it was just because I was an idiot and didn't know how to take care of stuff properly. Later it was because I had gotten into bad habits. Now I'm quite twitchy about keeping them in good shape.

2. Because of point one, I became adept at quick repair jobs to books with an exacto knife and clear packing tape. My old old paperbacks of the Lord of the Rings are essentially reassembled in this fashion (I got those in pretty bad shape), and I have fixed many a dust jacket.

3. I usually read more than one book at once, and usually a balance: something light on one hand, something heavy on the other. Then I have the occasional magazine or home-written draft to read and/or revise. Basically, I'm like a book junkie: instead of hiding cigs or weed or booze, I have printed material all over the house to dip into at odd free moments. And more generally, I am a stationary junkie. Whenever we go to a bookstore, office supply shop, or Target, my wife has to gently herd me away from the neato journals, pens and pencils, and etc. I have at least one half-dozen blank ruled books of various styles, completely untouched (in some cases, unopened), that I will eventually write in, along with unusual pens and pencils that I may never open because they aren't made anymore. I will probably die with a closet full of unwritten-in and unwritten-with stuff because I accumulate it faster than I can use it.

4. For some books, I cast actors in the various roles and mentally stage the action. I will also sometimes compile soundtracks... to the point of actually writing down song selections. (I have yet to actually rip a CD but it's only a matter of time.) Point 4-A: if I'm "casting" or "scoring" I will often cast myself in a particularly sweet role, because I'm obviously the great undiscovered middle-aged talent of the early 21st century.

5. In the olden days, my folks used to send me to the corner deli to buy Dad's cigarettes if he was busy. (It was a more innocent time - hey, let's give this ten-year-old two packs of Camels!) But I couldn't actually do this if anyone was in the store, for fear that someone would think I was smoking them myself. To avoid my alleged and untrue crime (which wasn't even one at that time), I'd commit a real crime - I'd loiter, looking to all the world like some wandering urchin trying to five-finger a candy bar. And during that loitering I'd read whatever was around me at the time. One busy Saturday, my Mom actually showed up, fearing that I'd been flattened by cars, snatched, mugged... only to find me hiding from the other patrons, reading potato chip bags, waiting desperately for everyone to clear the building so I could whisper, "Two packs of Camels, please, for me to take home to my Dad and not in any way consume myself."

6. I was a very early reader... I can't remember a time before I knew how to read, so I'm guessing I picked it up when I was about three years old.

7. As per point #5, I will read nearly anything... including reference material as if it was meant to be read cover-to-cover. As a boy I actually looked forward to the encyclopedia's annual volumes.

Thanks to ricki, sheila, and many other reader-y types who have done this. I tried to do mine without reading theirs first, which I guess makes no sense at all but too late, it's over. If you'd like to join in, I shan't tag, but the comments are available to you, as always.

I need to get out more

Today, thanks to the Creative Minority Report, I learned what rickrolling was.

I must be the last person using the Internet not to know of this phenomenon. I have never been rickrolled until yesterday, when Mr Astley himself rickrolled the entire country at the Macy's Parade.

It wasn't until the Fly's wedding week that one of the groomsmen introduced me to Leeroy Jenkins.

That's right, I'm reading Catholic blogs. I'm in so much trouble if my pastor finds out.

So yeah, I got nothing

update, 6-19: Cullen suggests "kwizatz haderach" as a preferred career option. I'm not sure I could handle my name being a killing word, but...


(pic courtesy of ICHC)

So I may as well meme along with Kate and Word Girl.

1. If you could choose one career, regardless of your natural-born talents/station in life, what would it be?
I can already tell that this is going to be the Meme I Constantly Correct. First, this is hardly an "if" question - don't most people already choose their career? And why on earth would I choose a career with no regard to my natural-born talents? Sure, I drop stuff and my hands twitch at random, and I flunked out of shop class because I cut the power cord of my own circular saw - but hell, brain surgeon sounds fun!

If you still want an answer, then it's "professional writer." Unless Jedi Knight is available, because, you know - guardian of peace and justice in the Republic? Mad powers? Bitchen lightsaber and a sweet ride - in outer spaaaaace? Full of awesome. (And to hell with the PC ninnyhammer pferdkaese that Lucas is peddling right now, I'd do this RIGHT.)

2. Do you have a tattoo? If so, what is it? If not, would you get one? What would you get?
No, and Do Not Want.

3. Movie theater or DVD rental?
I like the theater experience, especially for certain "event" movies where a whole group of friends goes together. Otherwise, I love the freedom of pausing, reviewing, and devouring special features.

4. What's your current pet peeve?
I really don't have one. Life's good. But I would like an actual pet - at least, besides the hamster.

5. Fiction or non-fiction?
Fiction - currently writing like nobody's business, so I need light fare. I've been rattling through the Bond books. (There's a post in that, too.)
Non-fiction - Edmund Morris, Theodore Rex. I'm as far as the Brownsville Riots.

6. What's your typical breakfast?
A bowl of oatmeal and some coffee. Bagels if we're having a meeting at work.

7. Vegetable you hate?
Can't think of one. Honestly. Even Brussels sprouts are good if you cook them correctly. (And lima beans are legumes.)

8. If you could magically play a musical instrument as well as a professional, what would it be?
Tough one. The dynamic frontman in me says guitar (and especially if the related instruments are included, such as bass, mandolin, banjo). (Sorry Cullen.) But if I'm in a background mood, or just want some light cocktail music, I lean toward the piano, so I can tuck away in the corner and play Brubeck at some swank soiree.

9. Do you believe in luck?
Luck is the residue of design - or in other words, I don't when I'm catching the breaks, but if not - wicked bad luck! Fate! Anything but me!

10. Are you overly concerned about your physique?
Not overly. I don't need to look like an underwear model. Mostly my concern is for my health, and not having to buy larger pants every year.

11. Cat or dog?
Why yes, thanks - one of each. (I do prefer cats, for the record, but grew up with both and have a good appreciation for the virtues of each.)

12. Do you like manual labor?
"Fresh air, exercise.... hells yeah." My job involves a fair amount of it, and I also enjoy doing yard work and home projects. Good to finally have a home and yard in which to do them...

13. If you are female, do you wear makeup?
Not applicable.

14. (Male or female) Do you pluck or wax your eyebrows?
I only have the one, and it is untouchable. Lay off my monobrow.

15. What's your ultimate vacation?
Meaning, the last vacation I took, or my "dream" vacation? (OK - it's pet peeve time after all - "ultimate" does NOT mean "fantasy," it means "final." Can't stand "Ultimate" Sporting Event or "Ultimate" Product or any such ingoramus description - next season everybody starts all over again, and there is going to be another, better product in about fifteen minutes, so knock it off already.)

The last vacation I took was my honeymoon. I'm looking forward to getting away during the summer for a little bit to visit friends and catch up with the Adorables.

16. If you could retire to anyplace, regardless of money, where would you spend your twilight years?
Arrrrgh. At least it's a consistant usage. And I should lay off the crotchety grammarian shtick, or use the "get off my lawn" tag. Anyway, I do know what this means - if money was no object, if it didn't cost me anything, where to, pal?

I would stay close to family; or else, I would stay close to where I could go to them (or bring them to me) whenever we felt like it. Perhaps a big ol' Gaia-whuppin' RV, so we could travel wherever and see what-all struck our fancy.

17. Who do you envy?
WHOM, consarnit! But half-credit for using "envy" instead of "jealousy." (Tag updated. It's just too late for me.) And really, I don't envy anyone. Remember "Richard Cory"? I have enough to do living the life I already have without wanting someone else's life for my own.

What is the point in worrying
Hardly seems worth the time
Make yourself sick with wondering
If yours is better than mine
-- "Partridge," the Anderson Council

18. Do you wish you were filthy rich?
No - but I often wish that I could do the things that require filthy richness. I'd love to endow a big charitable foundation as a private alternative to government programs: probably in education, since the world needs strong schools focusing on classical knowledge, achievement, and equal opportunity; or else pro-fatherhood and pro-family concerns.

Also, I would own the New York Islanders.

19. Is your house clean and tidy or dirty and disorganized?
It's disorganized, since we've had workmen scuttling about, filling all the holes with electrical sockets and appliances and such. But the parts that are finished are tidy and well-organized.

20. What do you miss about your twenties?
I miss HAVING twenties. Andy Jackson hasn't seen the inside of my wallet in months. As for the age, the only thing I miss (kinda sorta) is the extra time. I should have gotten off the starting line a little more promptly. Now I have to make up for it with a little giddy-up around the far turn. (That's another post, by the way, but not for now.)

Anyone else who wishes, feel free to jump in.

The craze that’s sweeping the Internet

Get this, folks – a fun game you play at home, on your interactive computing device! One person posts a bunch of questions and then other people copy their own answers onto their personal Internet pages!

Yeah, I’m already snarking it and you haven’t seen a single question yet. Well, maybe you have, since the meme is all over the place – Tracey, Sheila, Kate, Cullen, Maggie, land o’ Goshen but it’s everywhere. Like those new fast-twitch zombies from the modern movies. (And as an aside, how annoying is that? It seems plain to me that death is rather a handicap to getting stuff done, but no – lately in horror movies dying is just a prerequisite to being awesomely powered. In the old days, you had to spend $6 million to get a skill set like that.) There isn't even enough time to read all of this.

Am I supposed to be answering questions?

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT? I have a scar from my appendectomy, a permanently-crooked pinky finger (not technically a scar), and best of all, a scar on my knee – I cut it open helping to dispose of a broken toilet bowl.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM? Paint, a mirror, a cross over the bed, and a big picture of a lavender field. (PS, I’m married.)

3. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN? 4:10 pm. It was a Tuesday.

4. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW? Superpowers, without having to die first. Or maybe time to finish the Mother of Unfinishable Stories.

5. WHAT DO YOU MISS? The list is vast – my cat, most thrown baseballs, soft pretzels from the counter at TSS, good Islanders teams…

6. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION? Good question. I own a number of things I’d miss greatly, but the real answer is, I own far more things that I wouldn’t even notice were gone, except that there would be more room in the house.

7. HOW TALL ARE YOU? A smidgeon under six feet.

8. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DAY? There was the one time the zombies tried to overrun the office. They were the slow kind, though, and easily shootable.

9. WHAT’S YOUR WORST FEAR? A lot of the really bad stuff can be fought through, even stuff like going blind. So the worst would be stuff that I couldn’t ever remedy, such as if lost my marbles while having a healthy body – forcing my family to care of what was left, that wasn’t really me anymore. And topping the list would be getting to judgment and finding out that I was really a total selfish bastard at heart, who didn’t bother trying. I suspect that I don’t try nearly as hard as I ought to on that last one.

10. WHAT KIND OF HAIR COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX? Shrug. I’d rather they had brains inside than a particular hair color outside.

11. WHAT ABOUT EYE COLOR? My wife’s.

12. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK? Coffee. Since coffee during games is impractical, I go with Vitamin Water then.

13. FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING? Sausage, black olives.

14. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Flan.

15. FAVORITE COLOR OF ALL TIME? I like blues and greens.

16. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH? It’s been many years since my one and only Filet o’ Fish; put me down for “maybe.”

17. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU EVER RECEIVED? See question three.

18. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH? Nah.

19. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND? .

20. WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU WANT? Wrote a post about this already.

To be more realistic, there are two answers: first, a car I already have owned that I would have loved to been able to keep and restore, a 1980 Honda Prelude; and second, a genuine right-drive 1960’s British taxicab parked in the driveway at one of the buildings I used to live in, that I would have loved to buy and restore. I’m not necessarily a car enthusiast, but I love older stuff to fix and show for the neat-o factor. These just happen to be car examples of that larger mania.

21. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING? Everybody leaves eventually, including me. How could I selfishly demand others to love me without giving love? What a stupid question.

22. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE USA? Once. I’d love to go back.

23. YOUR WEAKNESSES? Plural? Do you have a few weeks? OK, here’s the big one up front – I get easily engrossed in what I’m doing to the exclusion of other things. This is not necessarily bad, but I also lack the discretion as to the proper time for such focus, which is dreadful. As a result I throw off plans by losing track of time, or say horrid things without noticing that I’m offending or horrifying everyone else.

24. MET ANYONE FAMOUS? Yes, though she wasn’t at the time.

25. FIRST JOB? Ocean County Library, main branch… I worked in the AV department, mostly shelving and checking out our collection of vinyl LPs and Beta videotapes. (They had some cassettes, too.)

26. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL? No, but I’ve been in on a few practical jokes.

27. DO YOU THINK EVERYONE OUT THERE HAS A SOUL MATE? I’m not sure I dig the concept. It tends to lead to a lot of mooning about for the fairytale ending instead of going out and living one's life, and meeting someone great that way.

28. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT? Noticing it everywhere I looked. I fully expect to see 56 Questions bumper stickers on the way home tonight.

29. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SURGERY? Yes.

30. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST? It’s probably for the best that I don’t keep track of that sort of thing; it would either be too egotistical, or too depressing.

31. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? Eh, I’ve already got too much stuff.

32. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT? OK, this is way personal. Even at Pre-Cana, they wanted us to discuss it amongst ourselves but NOT share the answer.

33. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Yes.

34. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST TURN OFF WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX? Please don’t be an immodest floozy. Oh, and please don’t smoke either.

35. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU MISS ABOUT GRADE SCHOOL? Recess. I wish we got recess at work, with a swingset and jungle gym and those rubber dodge balls. Why wouldn't this work?

36. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE? These memes are beginning to overlap. I know I told the Internet this just last week.

37. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? I do, but I also confess that it’s henscratch if I am in a hurry.

38. ANY BAD HABITS? Occasionally rude to impertinent memes. :::flips bird:::

39. ARE YOU A JEALOUS PERSON? Not really, but I am a grammatical person, and this brings up a big one for me. Jealousy and envy are NOT the same thing! NOT! Jealousy means that you fear someone will take something from you, and envy means that you desire to take something from someone else. They may each lead to a third thing – that you rather nobody had it than the other person – but it’s all in who had said thing first.

40. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Not sure. I’d probably forget to keep in touch with myself, and of course myself wouldn’t notice. You can see the difficulty.

41. DO YOU AGREE WITH FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS? Hells no. I mean, “We can still be friends” is a dubious concept already, right? So how is it even possible to give “benefits” and maintain the friendship? It's a colossal exercise in fooling yourself. Dumbassery is still dumb no matter how many new, clever phrases you describe it with.

42. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER? Poorly. Hoping to do better sometime.

43. WHAT’S YOUR MAIN GOAL IN LIFE? Heaven. If I don’t get there then I can consider my life to have been wasted on me, even if it wasn’t wasted on anyone else.

44. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? Legos. They still are my favorite, actually. I also had a lot of GI Joes and Star Wars dudes (the old-school Kenner guys), but they usually wound up playing football.

45. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE? Ten of them - 0-9 - just like everyone else’s. (Unless you have a hexadecimal phone, which would be awesome.)

46. WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A LITTLE KID? Barney was a little kid?

47. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE? Mashed with spicy gravy, like at Popeye’s – though they do all right with the mac and cheese too.

48. DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES? Yes.

49. DO YOU HAVE A COMPUTER IN YOUR ROOM? Not unless Ladybug lets me use the laptop.

50. PLANS FOR TONIGHT? Sorry, meme… you’re nice and all, but I don’t think it would ever work out between us. We can still be friends!

51. WHAT’S THE FASTEST YOU’VE EVER GONE IN A CAR? Not quite fast enough to fire up the flux capacitor.

52. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO? Actually, the radio isn’t on right now, so I’m only listening to my own angst.

53. LAST THING YOU DRANK? Iced tea.

54. REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT? Little use for either of them right now – this is like asking “Punch in the face or kick in the groin?” Plus, I live in New Jersey, so I may as well light my ballot on fire and toast marshmallows; it’s the most possible good I can get out of it.

55. DO YOU HAVE A LOW SELF ESTEEM OR A HIGH SELF ESTEEM? Whoa, they really want more Ranty Nightfly, the Internet Crank Nobody Reads. Well, then. Self-esteem is usually a lame, flavorless substitute for actual self-worth, based on the inherent dignity of a person as a work of God, however damaged by the Fall of Man. Self-worth means that we have an obligation to live up to the dignity given us as a gift, and that we are capable of overcoming our problems and making a positive contribution to those around us, in gratitude; self-esteem means whiny little snots who expect that everyone else will bow to their every whim, because otherwise it’s mean and not fair *snif* and why can’t anyone else see how great I am *blub* right now?

You want healthy people, you go with self-worth every time.

56. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? Breezing through a couple of the Bond books right now.

And that’s it. One question short of a full Heinz – which makes me wonder if this is somehow a defective meme that fled into the Web prematurely.

Hey nineteen

Cullen said that I was tagged, so here I go, somewhat slowly. The rules of the tag:

1. Choose 19 of the songs you like best, regardless of artist or genre.
2. Put them all together in a CD.
3. Make 5 other copies.
4. Post your playlist on your blog.
5. Choose 5 people and send them a copy of your CD each. Send the first copy you made to the one who tagged you.

The thing is, if I took this literally, I'd never actually finish because it's going to take a while to carve out spare time to put 19 songs on a CD, much less actually boil down all the faves to a cohesive list. I tend to have so many favorites that I organize my playlists by genre. Then I have lists that mix genres for variety's sake. It must the same for many people - part of me just wants to take the ol' PC and set it on shuffle, and grab the first 19 songs. Problem with that is that not everything I own is on the PC, and something's going to get left out.

Enough whining about the meme? Good, I agree. To the list, in no particular order.

1. "In the Mood," Ernie Fields and His Orchestra - since the last time Cullen and I pulled a CD swap, I added a few more instrumental compilations, and this is on one of them. I included this mostly because he included the original Glenn Miller version. This is a fun take.
2. "Go Where No One's Gone Before," Billy Preston - from the soundtrack of Licensed By Royalty. I go in for these heavy brass numbers, but I'm working hard not to make this monotonous.
3. "Too Good Too Bad," Seatbelts - one of the hundred awesome songs of Yoko Kanno.
4. "Casino Royale," Herb Alpert - swank and fun; I love the six-note baritone figure in the background of the chorus. Really, almost anything of his could be here.
5. "Proud Mary," Ike and Tina Turner - genius. Does Fogerty even bother to play it?
6. "A Little Less Conversation [JXL Remix]," Elvis Presley - I hope this doesn't make me cliché, because it was everywhere for a while, but I love this thing.
7. "Bold as Love," Jimi Hendrix - it's like a Prince song, fifteen years early.
8. "Archie's Theme," The Anderson Council - local Jersey band. They rock. I hope the new album's out.
9. "Come Home," Back Door Slam - a power blues trio from the Isle of Man, and they rocketh exceeding fine. None of them can yet draw a legal pint in the United States. Someday they will rule the world, especially since they got a recent shout-out in John Buccigross' ESPN.com column.
10. "Starship Trooper," Yes - probably my favorite of all of their stuff, ever.
11. "Rio," Duran Duran - likewise, my favorite of theirs. (True fact - VH-1 once ran a long list of the greatest albums ever, compiled by ranking the five best as given by a variety of musical folk. Simon LeBon's list had "Rio" third. I absolutely love that.) I took time to track down the unedited version since I love the last 45 seconds of this song.
12. "King George Street," Squeeze - I have an admission: the end of this song usually makes me cry. I'm such a sap.
13. "I Can't Get Next to You," The Temptations - ain't it funky now? (Wait, wrong singer.) My college buddy Nick used to joke that if the Temps put out a Christian album, they would have to change their name to The Near Occasions.
14. "Pearl of the Quarter," Steely Dan - I'm a big fan of the band in general, but I love this song from their second album; kind of a country twang they went after very rarely, and it's a sweeter song than Fagen's usual fare.
15. "Your Poppa Don't Mind," Supertramp - early song of theirs, and probably the first time they sounded like the band they were capable of being.
16. "Yomiko About Town," Taku Iwasaki - it's from the Read or Die soundtrack. The main theme is yet another swank spy brass number, but I'm going to resist and give this; it's audio sunshine.
17. "Detroit Swing City," Alien Fashion Show - yes, a remake of the old KISS song, only - you guessed it! - brassier. I'm through resisting.
18. "Love You Inside Out," The Bee Gees - yup, it's official. I love the Brothers Gibb. They really were terrific, and the harmonies! Gracious me.
19. "Everybody is a Star," Sly and the Family Stone - a gorgeous and overlooked song.

Odd, the post title is not in here. I had a built-in gimme and I left it out. Them's the breaks. But I can't leave out Johnny Cash, who is THE MAN, so all y'all get a bonus track - but which song? Heh. Not telling until you see it. (And jeepers, I hope it fits, I have a couple of long plays on here.) Ah, but who gets the CD's (and the tags)? Well, the tag part is up to whomever is listed - I'm not angling for giveaways here. These are the five, however. If you see yourself down here, email me a PO Box or what-have-you for your amazing award; unless, of course, you think my choices are a festering pile of dog snot.

Ken Summers (It Comes in Pints) - the song trivia master. Interested to see what he says.
SarahK - the mistress of snark, Queen of Infidels, and a music lover.
Sheila - her obsessions cover more than just movies. Sorry I couldn't get any Dean Martin on here for you.
Kate P - once classes are over, of course.
The Barking Spider - I can't leave my co-blogger out of the fun, should he wish to participate.

Don't feel badly if you were left out of the great CD Pyramid Scheme of 2008; there were a lot of people I was thinking of that I wish I could have included, but I'll go broke making CD's if I'm not careful.

I Can Haz Bear

My lolspeak is bad.

To reach the unreachable goal

Ricki reports that the lolcats have finally achieved the perfect resolution of their chase for cheeseburgers.



Personally, I liked my own take on the age-old quest. (For the internet, 15 months is an age.)

Didn't even make the voting page. Ur pics, let me not show anyone dem.

(Pics come from ICHC)

Sylar's favorite place

Via Tracey, the Right Brain/Left Brain Test.

Did I take it? Well, why not? I have no idea what's going on up there. As far as I know, this is the current breakdown:

62% pedantry
15% daydreaming
9% insufferable know-it-allity
8% pure Bravo Sierra
4% hockey
4% marriage
3% blogging
2% faith
-2.8633727% math

That's clearly inadequate, so away we go... 54 questions, multiple choice, not too long...
*ping!*

I am 40% left-brained and 60% right-brained (and 82% lame-brained). They then break down six individual categories for each half of the brain. My top two were both right-brained:

55% Concrete (Your most dominant characteristic)
48% Fantasy-oriented

Concrete Processing
Concrete processing is a method associated with the right hemisphere that is used for processing things that can be seen or touched. It processes much of the information you receive from real objects. For example, a right-brained person is not just satisfied that a mathematical formula may work, but will want to know why it works. A strongly concrete person often finds it easier to solve a mathematical problem by "drawing it out" because it allows them to visualize it. The more a concrete person can visualize something the easier it is for them to understand it.

Your Concrete Analysis
You are strong in concrete processing. When you process information about things that can be seen or touched you show great comfort. But when contemplating something without concrete form, you may have difficulty, and attempt to understand what is trying to be processed in visual terms. For example, if solving a math problem, it would help you to "draw out" the problem and visualize it. Only after visualization, would you feel comfortable solving it.

Sounds about right.

Fantasy-oriented Processing
Fantasy-oriented processing is used by the right hemisphere as a method for processing information with creativity. It focuses much less on rules and regulations than the processing method of a left-brained person. Due to the fantasy-oriented processing mechanism of a right-brained person, they do not adjust well to change. Instead of adapting to the change in the environment, a right-brained person attempts to change it back to the way they liked it. But fantasy-oriented processing also provides the advantage of creativity to right-brained individuals, and since emotion is integral of the right side of the brain, anything a fantasy-oriented person becomes involved in emotionally will aid their ability to learn.

Your Fantasy-oriented Analysis
You have the ability to use both creativity and reality to process the information you receive. This is a unique gift that allows you to both focus on rules and regulations but to also act with creativity. You are able to adjusting to change, even though you might not like it, and you can become emotionally involved in your work if it interests you.

In other words, this doesn't just mean that I wish I lived in colonial times as Dr. Action, the patriot son of exiled Jedi Knights.

My strong suits on the left:

35% Sequential (Your most dominant characteristic)
34% Verbal

Incidentally, they say that a scale of 30-50 is healthy, and that lower or higher is an indication that I have to pay more attention to different approaches to thinking, lest I topple over like Oliver Wendel Jones in the old Bloom County strip.

Sequential Processing
Sequential processing is a method used by the left hemisphere for processing information. The information that is received is processed in order from first to last. Information is processed in a systematic, logical manner. Through sequential processing, you can interpret and produce symbolic information such as language, mathematics, abstraction, and reasoning. This process is used to store memory in a language format. Activities that require sequential processing include spelling, making a "to-do" list, and many aspects of organization.

Your Sequential Analysis
You show moderate ability to organize information sequentially. You are capable of processing information you receive in a systematic, logical order from first to last. However, at times you will process information you receive quite randomly, or may give it only a semblance of order. You are probably an average mathematician and speller, and may or may not enjoy tasks such as making "to-do" lists.

Funny thing is, I am an excellent speller, and very good at basic math, so long as I don't have to handle anything more complicated than a quadratic equation. (All the engineering types just started laughing at me, but it's true.)

Verbal Processing
Verbal processing is a method used by the left hemisphere to process our thoughts and ideas with words. For example, through verbal processing, a left-brained person giving directions may say, "From this point continue east for two miles and turn north onto Bellevue Road. Continue north on Bellevue Road for seven miles and turn west on Main Street". With verbal processing, exact, logical directions are given in a very sequential manner compared to a right-brained person who, in giving the same directions, would use more visual landmarks.

Your Verbal Analysis
You have a moderate verbal ability. Using this method you process your thoughts and ideas with words. You tend to combine technical details with illustrations, depending on whatever strikes you. For instance, if giving directions, you might say, "Continue two miles east on Court Street and take a left at the McDonalds," combining the exact details of street names and mileage with prominent landmarks.

For someone who is so verbal, I actually misunderstood the applicable questions. I thought that they meant "verbal" specifically as spoken words, so I answered those questions differently, and only realized my error when reading the results. I am not nearly as strong with memorizing things I hear vs. things I read. Perhaps that just proves the point, but I would have probably scored higher had I understood clearly.

In the interests of complete disclosure, my two utter weaknesses were 15% Intuitive (right brain) and 14% Reality-based (left brain). Me not reality-based? Just for that, you're not invited to my lifetime Awesomeness at Everything Ceremony on Starbase 11. Zapp Brannigan was going to be there, too.

The whole world's movie meme

You can see lists at Tracey's, and at Sheila's, and at Cullen's, and probably forty-seven other spots too. The rules are simple: go down the list, bold everything you loved and italicize everything you hated. Leave as is stuff you've never seen.

Some people have been taking to outlining the Best of the Best in red or in really huge font to specify more than a mere thumbs-up or down. It's a good idea and I'll follow this convention by highlighting in red my all-time top faves. (In short, do I just stop and stare at it when it comes on the TV?)

One note before we begin - I copied and pasted the list, of course... but when I did, Blogger decided to remove all the line breaks. I am now not only highlighting, bolding, and what-not-ing, but I have to make sure I don't accidentally erase something by hitting "return" while it's still highlighted. If there's anything missing folks, that's why. And if I have any comments, they follow the selection.

The Godfather (1972)
The Shawshank Redemption (1994)
The Godfather: Part II (1974)
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (1966) - honorable mention, since I have and love the soundtrack
Pulp Fiction (1994) - but surprisingly, my favorite of Tarantino's movies is not on this list at all, Jackie Brown (1997)
Schindler’s List (1993)
Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980) - George Lucas should have re-watched this about twenty times before writing the prequels
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1975)
Casablanca (1942)
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)
Star Wars (1977) - I still probably know about 75% of the dialogue by heart. And HAN SHOT FIRST.
12 Angry Men (1957)
Rear Window (1954)
No Country for Old Men (2007)
Goodfellas (1990) - I've actually played on a hockey team named after this movie, but still haven't seen it
Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) - think about Harrison Ford... in the space of five years he got to be Han Solo, Indiana Jones, and Rick Deckard. And can you think of anyone else in any of those roles? Look at Kurt Russell's line reads for Han or Tom Selleck's promo pics as Indy. Those guys are good actors, too, but neither movie would have been as good.
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)
City of God (2002)
Once Upon a Time in the West (1968)
The Usual Suspects (1995)
Psycho (1960)
Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964) - been a long time, so though I have seen it, I can't remember if I enjoyed it or not
Citizen Kane (1941)
The Silence of the Lambs (1991) - eh. I don't hate it out loud or anything, but I don't see the huge Oscar-winning deal about it
North by Northwest (1959)
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)
Fight Club (1999)
Memento (2000)
Sunset Blvd. (1950)
Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)
The Matrix (1999) - if only the Wachoskis had stopped here
Taxi Driver (1976)
Se7en (1995)
Apocalypse Now (1979)
American Beauty (1999)
Vertigo (1958)
Amélie (2001)
The Departed (2006)
Paths of Glory (1957)
American History X (1998)
To Kill a Mockingbird (1962) - Gregory Peck is wonderful in this
Chinatown (1974)
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
The Third Man (1949)
A Clockwork Orange (1971) - enjoyed? No. But it's a hell of a movie
Pan’s Labyrinth (2006)
The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948)
Alien (1979)
The Pianist (2002)
The Shining (1980)
Double Indemnity (1944)
L.A. Confidential (1997)
Leben der Anderen, Das [The Lives of Others] (2006)
The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957) - it's embarassing how many of these I've always meant to see and didn't
Boot, Das (1981)
The Maltese Falcon (1941)
Saving Private Ryan (1998)
Reservoir Dogs (1992)
Forrest Gump (1994)
Metropolis (1927)
Aliens (1986)
Raging Bull (1980)
Rashômon (1950)
Singin’ in the Rain (1952)
Rebecca (1940)
Hotel Rwanda (2004)
Sin City (2005)
Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)
All About Eve (1950)
Modern Times (1936)
Some Like It Hot (1959)
2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) - I sort of kind of liked it, but boy is it dull. Needs more Roy Scheider
The Seventh Seal (1957)
The Great Escape (1963)
Amadeus (1984)
On the Waterfront (1954)
Touch of Evil (1958)
The Elephant Man (1980)
The Prestige (2006)
Vita è bella, La [Life Is Beautiful] (1997) - I don't hold Roberto Bellini's insanity against the film
Jaws (1975) - bonus points for being one of the better "As Told By Bunnies" spoofs
The Manchurian Candidate (1962) -
The Sting (1973)
Strangers on a Train (1951)
Full Metal Jacket (1987)
The Apartment (1960)
City Lights (1931)
Braveheart (1995)
Cinema Paradiso (1988)
Batman Begins (2005)
The Big Sleep (1946)
Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)
Once Upon a Time in America (1984)
Blade Runner (1982) - only bits and pieces. I am lame
The Great Dictator (1940)
The Wizard of Oz (1939)
Notorious (1946)
Salaire de la peur, Le [The Wages of Fear](1953)
High Noon (1952)
Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi (1983)
Fargo (1996)
The Bourne Ultimatum (2007)
Unforgiven (1992)
Back to the Future (1985)
Ran (1985)
Oldboy (2003)
Million Dollar Baby (2004)
Cool Hand Luke (1967)
Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)
Donnie Darko (2001)
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989)
The Green Mile (1999)
Annie Hall (1977)
Kind Hearts and Coronets (1949)
Gladiator (2000)
The Sixth Sense (1999) - unfortunately
Diaboliques, Les [The Devils] (1955)
Ben-Hur (1959) - again bonus points for the third-grade version from that commercial a few years back. No, that's not rational at all, but it's my list. So there.
It Happened One Night (1934)
The Deer Hunter (1978)
Life of Brian (1979)
Die Hard (1988)
The General (1927) - the Inspector General, with Danny Kaye? Oh? Well, then, no.
American Gangster (2007)
Platoon (1986)
V for Vendetta (2005)
Judgment at Nuremberg (1961)
The Graduate (1967)
The Princess Bride (1987)
Crash (2004/I)
The Wild Bunch (1969)
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)
Letters from Iwo Jima (2006)
Heat (1995)
Gandhi (1982)
Harvey (1950)
The Night of the Hunter (1955)
The African Queen (1951)
Stand by Me (1986)
Kill Bill: Vol. 2 (2004) - but not as much as the first one
Witness for the Prosecution (1957) - I've read the play, it was great
The Big Lebowski (1998)
The Conversation (1974)
Little Miss Sunshine (2006)
Wo hu cang long [Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon ] (2000)
The Grapes of Wrath (1940)
Gone with the Wind (1939)
3:10 to Yuma (2007)
Cabinet des Dr. Caligari., Das [The Cabinet of Dr Caligari] (1920)
The Thing (1982)
Groundhog Day (1993)
The Best Years of Our Lives (1946)
Sleuth (1972)
Patton (1970)
Toy Story (1995)
Glory (1989)
Out of the Past (1947)
Twelve Monkeys (1995)
Ed Wood (1994)
Spartacus (1960)
The Terminator (1984)
In the Heat of the Night (1967)
The Philadelphia Story (1940)
The Exorcist (1973)
Frankenstein (1931)
Anatomy of a Murder (1959)
The Hustler (1961)
Toy Story 2 (1999)
The Lion King (1994) - negative points for the voice of Whoopi Goldberg
Big Fish (2003) - the movie that made me forgive Tim Burton for "Sleepy Hollow"
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998)
Bonnie and Clyde (1967) - eh. Nice to see very early Gene Hackman and Gene Wilder roles, though.
Young Frankenstein (1974) - ha, I just noticed, that's back-to-back for Gene Squared!
Magnolia (1999)
A Streetcar Named Desire (1951)
In Cold Blood (1967)
Rosemary’s Baby (1968)
Dial M for Murder (1954)
All Quiet on the Western Front (1930)
Roman Holiday (1953)
A Christmas Story (1983)
Casino (1995)
Manhattan (1979)
Ying xiong [Hero] (2002)
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003) - again, they should have just quit here. I will never be convinced that either this or the Matrix had any planned sequels until the originals became big successes.
Rope (1948)
Cinderella Man (2005)
The Searchers (1956)
Finding Neverland (2004)
Inherit the Wind (1960)
His Girl Friday (1940)
A Man for All Seasons (1966)
Arsenic and Old Lace (1944)
The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (1962) - if I ever owned a curtain shop I'd name it "Liberty Valance."

And that's it. A lot of movies I've seen aren't on here. I may follow up next week with a list of some of those, for everyone else to label accordingly.

Book 'em, Danno

Huzzah! A book meme from Sheila! (She didn't tag me, but one of her taggees is on a temporary hiatus, so... I'm pinch-hitting.)

Which book do you irrationally cringe away from reading, despite seeing only positive reviews?

This is one of the few problems I don't have. If someone says "You've got to read this," I usually do. I am much more resistant to movies than books, and especially adaptations of favorite books. With a book I can curl up comfortably, read at my own pace, re-read things I want to understand better, flip around, and what have you. In a movie the pictures and the pacing are forced on me. For example, I refused to see The Fellowship of the Ring when it came out. I eventually relented by the time The Two Towers hit, and while I enjoyed all three, I was also right: they left out some things I felt important, AND tinkered with the characters to an uncomfortable degree - especially Faramir.

If you could bring three characters to life for a social event (afternoon tea, a night of clubbing, perhaps a world cruise), who would they be and what would the event be?

Wow. There are probably dozens, and it would depend heavily on which event we were discussing. To me, one of the greatest joys of a good book is the feeling of living this question in reverse. The characters are the real people, and you are the work of imagination, brought to life to join them for a short time.

Now, if you want an actual answer, my thought is a holiday dinner, where people can talk and laugh and have drinks for hours and there's no worries about getting up for work the next day. This is assuming that Sherlock Holmes would likely decline, and take Dr. Watson with him: I'm going to invite Anne Shirley, David "Puddn'head" Wilson, and Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy (which I know is cheating, but do you think they'd come separately? So there).

I would be completely unable to keep up, and it would be completely awesome.

(Borrowing shamelessly from the Thursday Next series by Jasper Fforde): you are told you can’t die until you read the most boring novel on the planet. While this immortality is great for awhile, eventually you realise it’s past time to die. Which book would you expect to get you a nice grave?

Well, I've already read "Moo" by Jane Smiley, so that whole immortality thing? Yeah, that ain't happening.

Come on, we’ve all been there. Which book have you pretended, or at least hinted, that you’ve read, when in fact you’ve been nowhere near it?

Sheila's answer to this was pretty funny. My story? Well, we were assigned a paper in Exposition and Argument; my book was "The Wretched of the Earth" by Frantz Fanon. I browsed it enough to grasp about a third of the idea, and then totally weaseled out of the assignment by writing a short play representing a debate between Fanon and a fictional US Ambassador to Algeria. I still can't believe that I even tried something so pathetic; nor that I scraped a B out of the farce. The professor helpfully noted that I seemed to misinterpret some of what Fanon was saying, and I should pick a book more within my abilities next time.

As an addition to the last question, has there been a book that you really thought you had read, only to realise when you read a review about it/go to ‘reread’ it that you haven’t? Which book?

I've had the reverse, where I've forgotten entirely that I read something, and then constantly realized "Hey! I know this part!" upon re-reading. The closest to this, though, is my experience with "The Three Mustketeers." I've read an abridged version of it, wonderfully illustrated (not a comic but an illustrated book, about 100 pages or so). It was actually very good. I wish I still had the thing, as I've tried to find it since and been thwarted. But not only can I not find that, but I find the actual Three Musketeers to be somewhat less crisp than the "good bits" version. Now that I'm older I need to try again.

You’re interviewing for the post of Official Book Advisor to some VIP (who’s not a big reader). What’s the first book you’d recommend and why? (if you feel like you’d have to know the person, go ahead and personalise the VIP)

Tough one. Of course, I take for granted that everyone ought to be reading their Bible, so that doesn't need my recommendation. I think I'll just start handing out poetry anthologies.

A good fairy comes and grants you one wish: you will have perfect reading comprehension in the foreign language of your choice. Which language do you go with?

Well, now. Only reading? I'd love to be able to speak these languages also. I think my first choice would be Russian, like Sheila, because of the richness of the literature. It would definitely be worth it to read guys like Dostoyevsky and Chekhov in the original. Second, I'd take Italian, since I've always been ashamed that I don't know the language of the country where all my ancestors came from. Third, Japanese, just because.

A mischievious fairy comes and says that you must choose one book that you will reread one a year for the rest of your life (you can read other books as well). Which book would you pick?

"The 500 Hats of Bartholemew Cummins." It's excellent, and it's short so I won't get absolutely bored plowing through it over and over.

I know that the book blogging community, and its various challenges, have pushed my reading borders. What’s one bookish thing you ‘discovered’ from book blogging (maybe a new genre, or author, or new appreciation for cover art-anything)?

Here, my wings are tipped to the one and only Sheila O'Malley: a prodigious reader and a prolific (and great) writer. Her blog got me reading more poetry, taught me a lot about getting more out of what I read, and has also gotten me to commit to reading James Joyce. Yes, this is my shame - in a criminal case of bowing to the literary zeitgeist, my high school and college assigned me exactly ONE James Joyce tale - his short story "The Dead." That's IT. (Come to think of it, I had to get my Jane Austen on my own too.) A lot of what people have always considered part of the classical canon of Western Literature was ignored for trendier modern work; not that it's bad to read new things, but to ignore the giants? No Joyce, no Austen, no Victor Hugo; no Hemingway, even? Whew.

That good fairy is back for one final visit. Now, she’s granting you your dream library! Describe it. Is everything leatherbound? Is it full of first edition hardcovers? Pristine trade paperbacks? Perhaps a few favourite authors have inscribed their works? Go ahead-let your imagination run free.

This library is designed for reading comfort and ease of use. All of the furniture is plush and relaxing and tasteful - there are private rooms with recliners and ottomans, and larger rooms where groups can lounge on couches and talk about their books as loudly as they want without fear of disturbing anyone, since the rugs are all deep and the walls muffle everything going on outside. There are fireplaces and good lighting, solid wooden tables with plenty of space to stack books, coasters for your mugs of what-have-you, and a small stone-flagged kitched where drinks and light snacks are prepared by a skilled staff of grandparents, just the way you like it, dearie.

There is a research section, and computers for lookups - and Google and Wiki are always correct. Left-click opens a new browser window for you, and right-click tells you exactly what room and shelf holds the book if you'd rather just read the thing properly. There is a special section here for literary criticism: the authors themselves on their work, other books, and life in general.

The books themselves are never mis-shelved, always look and smell perfectly like good old books, and are printed on special paper that can neither rip nor stain. The shelves are recessed so nothing sticks out into the room and one can walk freely. They have ladders on wheels in tracks so you can safely reach the books on high shelves. The free-standing bookcases in the middle are cherry and mahogany, and they don't go all the way to the ceiling, so nobody gets too claustrophobic. And there are blank spots on the walls for art, and windows looking out on the woods and the mountains.

There is an actual card catalogue right in the middle; the cards are printed on the same paper as the pages of the books. And there is an official cat of the library that nobody is ever allergic to, and who knows almost as much as the librarian, but will never tell your secrets. She always has the best advice, expressed entirely in purring.

For those who want a break, there is also a room with chess sets, Scrabble, sketch pads with pastels, pencils, and charcoal (we're always looking for new artwork); and there is a children's section with the classic edition of every great kid's book, lots of bright colors, instructions on how to use the card catalogues and find things, and Legos, because every kid should stop to build things every once in a while. For the same reason, adults caught sneaking in to read or play shall not be reprimanded, as long as they share.

I can has reading

It's not nearly as impressive a nerd score as Mr. Summers', but here it is.



Notice that I got the possessive correct.

Chin-chucking good

Today is Friday. In comic-blog-world, that means Bahlactus throws down with Friday Night Fights, and Chris Sims does the Week in Ink.

I've dug the ISB for a year or so now, and so it's only fitting to mark the occasion with a homemade boot to the craw:


This is the inimitable Spike Spiegel crossing time, space, and my DVD shelf to clock Gin, the philosophic ronin from Samurai Champloo. Now, while it may make you sad that Spike would clobber a guy with glasses, just remember, he'd do the same to Vicious. The lesson, as always - don't let Spike Spiegel catch you walkin' around town with a sword, unless you like the taste of kick.

Book tagged

(update and bump, 8-21-07 - great add-on questions by CalTechGirl, written in green and answered at the bottom of the post... tip to Mr. Summers)

...by the book lass herself, Sheila O'Malley.

(Before I start, I want to say one thing - somehow, it's reassuring to vanish for ten days, get married and go on a honeymoon, and then, upon my return, see that Sheila is still obsessing about Dean Stockwell. In an ever-changing world, some things are timeless!)

What are you reading right now?
I am finally beginning a book recommended by Tracey many moons ago: "The Jesus I Never Knew" by Philip Yancey.

Do you have any idea what you’ll read when you’re done with that?
I also have "The Bad Catholic's Guide to Wine, Whiskey, and Song," which I browsed at the bookstore while everyone else was waiting for the Harry Potter. I regaled my extremely patient wife (then fiancee) and our friends with select passages. Hilarious and full of information. I'm looking forward to it.

What magazines do you have in your bathroom right now?
Right now, we have no subscriptions, having just moved and not bringing anything with. In the meantime, I have a collection of small featurettes from ESPN the Magazine that I've just finished tearing through, called the Answer Guy.

What’s the worst thing you were ever forced to read?
I kind of snoozed my way through most of a Toni Morrison book in college, so I can't say "forced to read." I didn't miss much considering how well I did on the paper having read nearly nothing. But I usually put "Moo" by Jane Smiley at the front of this list. It wasn't poorly written but it was deadly dull, full of nobody I would ever care about and would dread meeting in real life. It's hard to get into a book with no character at all to identify with. In those cases I at least try to get into the story as a character myself, and sort of fill in between chapters and episodes by interacting with the characters; in this case my avatar wound up in jail for slapping a bunch of people. The last 200 pages were thus torture. (And this wasn't a class assignment at all! Why did I do this to myself?)

What’s the one book you always recommend to just about everyone?
Oddly, I don't make too many book recommendations, unless someone mentions a book first. Then, if I've read and enjoyed it, I will say so. The most recent book in this category would be Chesterton's "Everlasting Man."

Admit it, the librarians at your library know you on a first name basis, don’t they?
Maybe during the great Computer Gap of a few years ago, when I was pestering them for Internet time, but I've moved since. I also usually buy books.

Is there a book you absolutely love, but for some reason, people never think it sounds interesting, or maybe they read it and don’t like it at all?
This happens more often with movies, since I have a taste for oddball stuff like "UHF" and MST3K. But in books, this happens most often with the Bible. People know I read it (though not as much as I ought), but usually have reasons why they don't:
1. they start from Genesis, bog down in the "begats" and "thou shalts", and never get past the Battle of Jericho.
2. they think they know it already - but won't reread it even if they say they liked it.
3. they think it boils down to Jesus simpering around telling kids to be nice to each other.
4. they think it boils down to God smiting this, condemning that, and generally being a cosmic hard-ass.
Funny thing is that I don't pry about it - I'm not into launching conversations about Christ out of the blue - but if it comes up, people launch into the explanation as if they owed it to me, when I really try to avoid that impression. (Maybe it's my looks. The other day a woman in the supermarket apologized to me when her daughter and her friends nearly ran into me; I smiled and reassured her there was no harm done, and she felt compelled to volunteer that "They're not all my kids, thank God." Huh?!?)

Do you read books while you eat? All the time, at least while alone.
While you bathe? And risk getting them WET? (Though, see above - gravy and beer are somehow an exception! I'm stoopit.)
While you watch movies or TV? If the show is that bad, I'll turn it off entirely in favor of the book.
While you listen to music? Yes.
While you’re on the computer? Depends. If I need to look stuff up, yes.
While you’re having sex? My wife deserves better than that, wouldn't you say?
While you’re driving? No. I try not to risk imminent death for myself and others while driving.

When you were little, did other children tease you about your reading habits?
Yes, a lot. If it was just books I don't think they would have minded, but I would read anything I could lay hands on - food labels, newspapers, the Pennysaver, circulars and fliers, instruction booklets... plus I played chess.

What’s the last thing you stayed up half the night reading because it was so good you couldn’t put it down?
Hm. The pedant in me says, "Define good." The book lover in me answers, "Good as in 'I stayed up half the night because I had to know what happened next.' So there."
I stayed up half the night reading "The Deathly Hallows," and it was good as well as compelling, as in "I need to find out so I can actually follow half the conversations on the Web this week" and "Next week there will be no time because of the wedding so I have to finish NOW." Before that it was a book about the 1975 baseball season called "The Long Ball." (Recommended for any baseball fan, by the way, especially Red Sox Nation. Lots of Freddie Lynn and Spaceman Lee.)

What book have you stayed up all night NOT reading (because it disturbed you in some way)? Has a book ever entered your dreams?
Plenty of books have entered my dreams, but even the most disturbing ones haven't ever kept me up at night after I put them down. I loves me my sleep too much.

What book/ series would you like to write an ending too? Or rewrite? I'm not strictly talking about fanfic, just this: given the opportunity, which stories would you like to work on?
Another one in my wheelhouse. I tinker with EVERYTHING mentally. If I can't understand something or if it frustrated me, I will actually start typing. I wrote a couple dozen pages of Episodes 1-3 from the point of view of an entirely new character in order to untwist some of the cockamamity. I've written Sherlock Holmes into stories. I'm working on a Cowboy Bebop sequel. Sort of makes you wonder how I actually got married, don't it?

Best book to movie transition?
Haven't finished the book yet but the Green Mile has been doing well for me. Jaws is up there, but would have been higher if Spielberg had just killed off Richard Dreyfuss. (Robert Shaw's monologue about spending four days in the Pacific with sharks picking off the survivors is worth the whole price of admission plus three tubs of popcorn.) Willy Wonka in some ways bettered the book, though Roald Dahl hated it and would never watch it afterward.

Personally, I want to be in charge of two book-to-film projects: "A Canticle for Liebowitz" by Walter Miller Jr, and "Pudd'nhead Wilson" by Mark Twain.

And as a corollary, what books should NEVER be a movie?
In general, books that work through the wonder and imagination of the reader suffer most in the translation. If I can already see it in my head, I don't want to see what you see with my eyes. It probably won't be half as good. I am not loving the Harry Potter films as a result, to say nothing of the metric tons of material they have to cut each time.

Do you prefer one-off novels or character-driven series books? What's your favorite book series?
I don't really have a favorite, though I was raised on series like Tom Swift, Danny Dunn, and Narnia. Lord of the Rings is the best of them, I think. I also loved the Hitchhiker books - see below - but then see below that.

Which book character do you see yourself as most like? How about when you were a kid?
I always identified with the kindly, put-upon sorts, like Arthur Dent; or else rogues with good hearts, like Han Solo. Only later, as an acquired taste, did I begin to identify with the heroes of the story - but again, not usually the main character. I could never be Gandalf or Aragorn; I would have loved to be Faramir, however. (And not the movie one, but the real one in the book.)

Ever NOT want to finish a book because you were desperately afraid that the author was going to take it somewhere you didn't like? Ever fling a book at the wall because that happened?
Not exactly - but the last Hitchhiker book was, indeed, flung at the wall. Douglas Adams was a fine writer, but he should have just left it with his heroes staring at God's Final Message to Creation. There was no use whatsoever in his deciding, hell with it - I'm going to tack on a fifth book and destroy all these characters everyone loved in a nihilistic hissy fit. Pretty much it was a huge middle finger over the shoulder as he went out the door.

This book NEVER HAPPENED. That's the official ruling.

No tags. But I know there are book lovers out there who will want to participate! Comments are yours - or you can just link back, I want to see your answers!