The Helen Thomas Spirit of Diversity Awards

Quit laughing!

This is wrong

It's just wrong.

Gratitude...

...or lack thereof.

From the start, Angel Adams has blamed the system.

The government hasn't given her enough food or money to deal with her 15 children, she says. Last week, she and 12 of those children - ranging from 11 years to 6 months - were living in a motel room with little food and dirty clothes.

So the government helped even more.

The Department of Children & Families has arranged for temporary housing, rent-free, in a six-bedroom home. Hillsborough Kids Inc. paid the more than $6,000 she owes to the Tampa Housing Authority, and the authority cut short a five-year ban on Adams so she can move in to a new home. The kids have new clothes and shoes.


On Monday, Adams was told to quit complaining and start helping herself.

"The mother has been less than gracious in accepting any of the help that (Hillsborough Kids) has been providing," Nick Cox, regional director for DCF, said Monday. "In fact, I think there has been a certain level of anger that she has exhibited to them, not to mention the sheriff's office."

Let me tell you of the two areas in my life where I am receiving aid from the American taxpayer. First is my health care at the VA hospital. (Some of you will give me a pass because I am a vet; be advised that my health issues are not service-connected.) Doctors try to motivate patients to take better care of themselves. After going to a few Tea Parties, I am taking care of myself and watching what I eat so that I can lessen the burden my health care puts on my fellow citizens. (I know-I'm a rightwing nut.)

The second area of my life where I am being subsidized with gummint largess is my use of the local bus system. I know that my fare doesn't pay for the entire system, but I am at least being good to Mother Gaea.

The difference between me and the mother of 15 is that I know that the payroll for the VA health system isn't pooped out by unicorns. I am cared for because of the generosity of you folks out there, which is something of which I am very grateful and a little self-conscience.

So please accept my heartfelt thanks.

Dear God...

....they are coming here!

If you aren’t familiar with Westboro Baptist Church, they are a hate group known for targeting their hatred towards gays and lesbians. They are led by Fred Phelps, from Topeka, Kansas and according to the site’s picket schedule; they plan to picket several spots in Tampa in the next few weeks.

It's a strange mix of events they are protesting. I see no connection between Bon Jovi, Plant High (a public school with a good football team) Tampa Catholic High and Without Walls Church. Apparently there is a connection between rockers from Jersey, good high school football, papists and churches that have female pastors with big hair and bad stewardship of finances.

Actually, I'm a little miffed that my church is not on their radar.

Tiger Woods, Job Creator

Full disclosure: the guy posting this flunked out of the Accounting Department at Rutgers.

Tiger Woods is a job creator. Would Nike even have a golf division if Tiger didn't exist? Nike pays him millions because he moves product. People need to be hired to make and sell the product Tiger moves. Tiger, therefore creates jobs. Sadly, Tiger's current issues prevented him from going to the White House for the jobs photo op and tell this to a president who appears to be ignorant of these things.

Tiger Woods makes money for the other golfers he beats. There are many people (I am one of them) who only watch golf to see Tiger. Tiger sells more tickets and gets more eyeballs watching commercials. Tournaments get more revenue from sponsors and ticket sales. Organizers can raise the prize money. You may have finished fourth, but you made more money than if you finished third in a Tigerless world.

Two things I think of when I hear chuckleheads saying higher taxes for those making $250K per year or greater won't affect them. First I wonder which commandment talks about coveting what is not yours. Then I think, "You chuckleheads! Obama's taking money from the customers of your employer!" A central air system installed right starts at $5K. Fewer people are going to be able to pony of that kind of dough if they have to hand more over to the US Treasury. What does a tax increase on the rich mean to guys like me? Bye-bye overtime, and maybe 40hrs per week as well. And chucklehead wonders why he got laid off.

You guys who know more about this stuff are welcome to correct any faulty thinking I may have. Remember, I flunked out of Accounting at RU.

Beyond Parody

This is not a gag. You can get one for $24 plus shipping here.

Normally, the "my" in this verse is understood to be the Lord Almighty, but in this context it is made to appear as a quote from the One.

H/t to CMR.

Man the bails!

The tank is springing leaks...


I'm not sure if the screen cap is legible, so let me quote the subhead: President strong-arms educators by linking $4-billion package to reform.

Yeah, MSNBC actually went there with His Presidency. Those leg-thrills don't last very long once the election's done and the guy has to actually start doing some governing.

The story is interesting to me beyond the "bloom off the rose" angle, for two reasons.

First: the government can rightly be said to already own all these schools, since they are public. This seems almost as if the President is trying to re-buy them. The difficulty is, if you own something it's usually a bad idea to decide not to pay for its proper function. I can see the local school districts gearing up and suing the Feds for their funding.

(That is of course the exact opposite of everything Obama wants to do. His impulse seems to be to buy, on credit, everything he sees: banks, car companies, the entire insurance industry... That's the whole reason our economy pinwheeled off a cliff to begin with, so it seems akin to digging one's way out of a swamp ditch - but I hain't no expurt or nuthin'.)

Second: the guy is bleeding supporters and approval points faster than a celebrity on a quack diet sheds pounds. Can he really afford to start jacking around with the NEA?

I don't want to lose my mind

Two Obama stories were in the St. Pete Times this week. One is the Supremes refusing to hear the Obama birth certificate case. The other is the sordid tale of Illinois Governor "Hot Rod" Soon-to-go-to-jail-ovich.

I am curious about the outcome of each (my guess is that someone from Obama's team talked to Hot Rod but didn't bite on the bribe, my other guess is that Obama's going to let these birth certificate folks get as whipped up as possible and then will release his long form birth certficate stating that he was born in Hawaii).

But I digress. While I am curious as to the outcome of each of these cases, I don't want to lose my mind. For eight years I've seen people foam out the mouth with Bush Derangement Syndrome over the war on Islamic terror. I will jump ugly on Obama when the time comes, but I don't want to be obsessed with finding the scandal that will bring down his socialist dictatorship.

Here's an example: I have been asked to join the resistance. Join the resistance? Have we become Nazi-occupied France? Am I being enlisted into the Underground?

Re: Hod Rod. He is quite the pottymouth.

Whoops! Obama met with Hot Rod Nov 5.

I am losing my mind.

Unfrozen caveman voter

My friends, I'm just a simple caveman. Your modern machines confuse and frighten me. Your alternate media and grassroots citizen punditry upset me. It's all I can do to bitterly cling to my primitive faith system and magic bang stick in today's uptempo world of iPhones and taxpayer-funded corporate buyouts.

I don't know much about your world, but I do know one, simple thing... and that is that we must vote for our betters in this election:

Now, I want to be clear and speak directly to those of you who LOVED that Palin interview. You're an idiot. I mean that. This is not one of those cases where we're going to agree to disagree. This isn't one of those situations where we debate it passionately and then walk away thinking that the other guy is wrong but argued well. I'm not going to think of you as a thoughtful but misguided person with different ideas who still really cares about the country and the world. No, sorry, not this time. This time, if you watched those interview excerpts and weren't scared out of your freakin' mind, then you're mentally ill, mentally disabled, or mentally disturbed. What you are NOT is responsible, informed, curious, thoughtful, mature, educated, empathetic, or remotely serious. I mean it. ... Vote for someone smarter than you.

Clearly, to fail to do so - to intentionally decline to be led about by the hand like the mentally-shrivelled moonshine-chuggers we are - is to insult these great and elevated thinkers, who have so generously come down from being on high to shepherd us poor puzzled Jesus-yokels.

We should be grateful that they want to tax us into oblivion and take all of our rights. We'd just waste the money and freedom anyway! And it's a privilege to be paid any attention at all by such gods among the earth.

We are not worthy. Really, just ask them, they won't sugarcoat it for us. And thank our culturally-created God for it!

(hat tip to IMAO, where I lived up to this post by initially not believing that this could actually be written with a straight face. Well, yes it can!)

Don't Question Our Patriotism!

H/T to Little Green Footballs

"But dissent is the greatest form of patriotism, you chickenhawk!" There is a difference between rational dissent and this kookery. Remember, if Bush is Hitler then my SeaBee brother and his Army son are both Nazis.

It's official

I am completely done with this sinus bugaboo. Finis. That's it. I've been pummelled into a smear. I can't breathe for more than an hour in any one position, so I can't sleep. My ears are clogged like I've been swimming since Tuesday. I sound like a Golden Girl. And since I caught this thing while ALREADY on antibiotics, there's nothing the doctor can do for me, except to recommend Sudafed - and thanks to the blessed meth heads, I can't get my hands on enough of that to keep things going.

See, Ladybug had this wretched thing too. I gave it to her last week, and she gave it back over the weekend. October has felt like a time-lapsed picture of highway traffic.

This is what it comes to: my wife came home yesterday from work with a goofy device that's designed to irrigate the nasal passages. It looks like... well, YOU tell ME what this ruddy thing looks like.



Yeah, youbetcha.

Simple thingumbob, really - take some warm water, mix in one of the included medicine packets (it came with 50 of the things), and stick the business end of the teapot into one nostril. Bend forward, tilt to one side, and pour the solution up one's nose until it starts to drizzle out of the other nostril. (Really.) It's like a demented magic trick. You could go into a subway station and panhandle from strangers with this. You could be on Criss Angel's crappy show, except they would have to blur the spout for prime time audiences.



Then one repeats the process with the other nostril. I guarantee you, you will NOT be as happy as ol' Janeane Garofalo looks. It's the funkiest feeling ever. But here's the catch - it works. (Nasal Enemas, Jerry - wave of the future!) I actually blew my nose and got results for the first time in a week. I stopped hocking up Play-Doh. My food tastes more food-like. As weird as the thing looks (especially in operation), I'm glad Ladybug bought it.

Let's hear it for the... umm... The Sneezinator? Mr. Happy's Teapot? Forget it, I'm stopping while I still have readers.

Thoughtcrime revisited

Maybe my tribal name is Beats a Dead Horse, but here we are again today - ESPN's Bomani Jones:

Wednesday night's game between Illinois and Michigan at Assembly Hall in Champaign will be emotional for some. Halftime will be the last time that Chief Illiniwek will dance as the the Fighting Illini's official mascot.

Dan Mahoney, who portrays Chief Illiniwek, believes "[Tonight] is going to be very tough for a lot of people." Ahhh, but those people should keep their eyes on the bright side -- at last, Illinois will move into the 21st century!

If Mahoney only knew how wonderful things are in the present. Does he know that in the 21st century, people are able to connect to the Internet without having to plug cords into their computers? Shoot, pretty soon cars might even pop up on campus that use gas and electricity and get about 60 miles to the gallon! And wait until he and his fellow Illini find out about this HDTV thing. They'll be able to read the players' tattoos without getting courtside seats!

But wow, it's a good thing no one will see Chief Illiniwek in HD after Wednesday. I'd imagine that crystal clarity would make it obvious what Chief Illiniwek often was -- a white kid dressed in feathers and using a stereotype of Native Americans in the name of entertainment.

Save the arguments that Illiniwek was intended to honor the state of Illinois' Native American heritage for someone dumb enough to believe them. As Ron Froman, the former chief of the Peoria Tribe of Indians of Oklahoma (the closest living descendents of the Illiniwek Confederacy), said, "I don't think [Chief Illiniwek] was intended to support us, because, they ran [us] out of Illinois."

Finally, Chief Illiniwek has been run out of the Univeristy of Illinois. Welcome to the present.

I've printed the whole thing because it's on Page 2's main intro for today, and since that gets updated every afternoon I don't think there's any sort of permalink. It's nice, of course, to see a shorter-format essay, not so nice to see the contents.

1. "Moving into the 21st century." It's a favorite theme to quote calendars in support of the truth, and to say that one's opponents are stuck in the past. Sometimes, it even makes sense. In this case, I'm not certain, since the scorn comes fast and heavy - hi-def TVs! Wireless internet! As if technology somehow changes what is or is not true. Look, if Illiniwek is insulting, he's insulting - and would be whether or not we still all rode horses and sent telegrams.

2. "I'd imagine that crystal clarity would make it obvious what Chief Illiniwek often was -- a white kid dressed in feathers and using a stereotype of Native Americans in the name of entertainment." It's true that the kid in the outfit was usually not Native American. And I seem to remember that the leprechaun mascot of the Fighting Irish was once black without the whole Emerald Isle marching on South Bend in their umbrage. The race of a person is wholly unimportant. It does not matter that Illiniwek was often performed by a non-Indian. Think about it this way - this white kid was proud to represent a Native American image - he felt a connection to the ideals that Illiniwek was created to represent. He had risen above ethnic ties to embrace a common humanity. And the feathers and the dancing were researched thoroughly, so whatever else one may think, this wasn't merely a caricature or stereotype, but as authentic as could be discovered.

3. "Save the arguments that Illiniwek was intended to honor the state of Illinois' Native American heritage for someone dumb enough to believe them." Mr. Jones, meet the people dumb enough to believe them - the people who helped create Chief Illiniwek 81 years ago. That actual tribes were driven from the state is true and regrettable - would we prefer to forget they ever existed on top of that? Would we prefer to know nothing of them and their philosophy of integrity, as represented by the name Illiniwek? "They spoke a dialect of the Algonquin language and used the term 'Illiniwek' to refer to the complete human being -- the strong, agile human body; the unfettered human intellect; the indomitable human spirit."

4. "Welcome to the present." Unfortunately, the present often sucks. Consider the pay-for-grades, booster kickbacks, thug culture, and general arrogance and entitlement rampant throughout many of the NCAA's flagship programs. I mean, Lamar Thomas cheered on the UM-FIU football brawl from the broadcast booth - ON THE AIR. (There was a reason for all those "Catholics vs. Convicts" t-shirts they used to sell.) There's the wonderfully tactful remark Steve Spurrier made while head coach of Florida, regarding Tennessee's inability to beat the Gators: "You can't spell Citrus without U-T." Great example, there, ballcoach. I see that example followed all the time - teenaged roller hockey players acting like they're immortal talents (and immortal jackasses) after scoring goals in rec league games, for crying out loud. Chief Illiniwek sets a far better example and represents a far greater ideal than most of the NCAA can boast, and instead of a reflexive condemnation based on mere appearances - "He wears feathers! It's a Native American! Hostile!" - we should take the time to do a little reading and consider that there could be something positive to be learned.

Now, the moment that you point this out, someone will hurry to talk about how the good old days weren't really a golden age, and that there's good and bad in every time. True - and another argument against using the calendar to approve or disapprove of someone's behavior.
...

Big heap thoughtcrime

The NCAA has a policy not to allow certain universities to host postseason events, mostly on the grounds of "hostile and abusive" campus atmospheres.

This comes in handy when Penn State decides to flood the quad with chlorine gas on purpose, but not so much in other circumstances - for example, when your team is named after anything having to do with Native Americans. The latest casualty is Chief Illiniwek of the University of Illinois. It turns out that their appeal was in vain, and the University is striking its tent on this issue.

The major objection to the Chief, who has been around since 1926, is that he trivializes and stereotypes Indians. Another objection, seen here, is that his dance is too authentic, and thus trivializes Indian religious belief.

Lost in all of this is the actual history of Illiniwek, gleaned fairly easily from the University's athletic department website. What's written there suggests that the whole point of the Chief is educative, to show the strengths and virtues of the Native Americans:

The expression "Illiniwek" was first used in conjunction with the University of Illinois by football coach Bob Zuppke in the mid 1920's. Zup was a philosopher and historian by training and inclination, and he was intrigued by the concept the Illini peoples held about their identity and aspirations. They spoke a dialect of the Algonquin language and used the term "Illiniwek" to refer to the complete human being -- the strong, agile human body; the unfettered human intellect; the indomitable human spirit.

Agile and strong, unfettered mind, indomitable spirit... sign me up, please.

The first performance was well-received. The first student spent the following summer studying Indian culture, and his replacement, who wanted to give Illiniwek a genuine costume, hitchhiked to South Dakota to explain his intentions and was made an authentic outfit by three Sioux women. "Since then, five different authentic outfits have been used by Chief Illiniwek. The one used in performances now was purchased in 1983 from Sioux Chief Frank Fools Crow..."

This mutual cooperation and understanding is a little too much to bear for certain folks, who've banded together to be a colossal pain in the headdress. Now to start off with, I am going to be clear: they have the God-given right to be as colossal and painful as they please. I would never silence them. But that doesn't mean I agree with them. In fact, given some of the statements printed there, it's hard to disagree because one isn't sure what they mean. The most convoluted screed so far is dated November 17, 2006, by D Anthony Tyeeme Clark, "Why I Don't Do Interviews About the Chief." (Press releases, yes. Interviews? People questioning me about my public statements? Oppresion!)

The problem with print and television journalists is that they frame the issue of Chief Illiniwek around the notion of “objectivity” as it tends to be constituted in a so-called balanced journalism.

It figures. One of the few times the media actually strive to be balanced and objective, they get condemned.

Emerging out of a dominant culture and power of antagonism that elides the play of power in racism and colonialism,

Uh-oh. I smell some rifted writing coming on.

journalists uphold a racist, colonialist, ...

You already mentioned that.

... misogynist, and heterosexist status quo when assuming two opposite sides:

Oppresors! How dare anyone assume TWO sides!

... a multi-racial, majority-white critical mass who, through the lens of critical cultural theory, represent a form of homo-social Chief love rooted historically and psychologically in the fear of being emasculated (of losing white-male heterosexist power and privileges), and “the Native Americans,” who in local mass media represent chief hate, as well as assimilation.

It was more confusing, believe me, before I corrected the punctuation - but even the repaired version is nonsense. He seems to be accusing journalists of assigning people to two categories, both of which he himself has invented and neither of which is complimentary.

I guarantee you that the critical mass doesn't look at things through the lens of critical cultural theory. They're not gullible enough. They couldn't care less, and thank God for it. For example, Mr. Clark, looking through his lens, darkly, thinks that people's love for Chief Illiniwek is based on fear of being emasculated. I think the psychologists call this "projection," personally, but leave that aside for a moment. About the only thing clear here is that Mr. Clark prefers demonizing those who disagree to explaining his objection to the Chief. He's hit every PC buzzword for "my enemies are evil" - misogyny, racism, heterosexism, and colonialism. (I wouldn't be surprised if they all had really big carbon footprints, too.) He's so opposed to the objective approach that he's decided to be barking mad to to set himself apart.

Chief Illiniwek can be understood simultaneously as a dignified symbol of the university and an example of what Renato Resaldo terms “imperialist nostalgia,” a widespread tactic used by white peoples and people of color collaborators in Australia, Canada, New Zealand, and the United States (and, before apartheid ended, South Africa) to cover up domination and transform those responsible for the oppression of indigenous peoples—including American Indians—to act as innocent bystanders.

Um... really? So, it's insulting for Illiniwek to be a dignified symbol? I don't get it. Historically, oppressors destroyed the cultural and social practices of those they conquered. Rome didn't celebrate Carthaginian or Etruscan achievements, they obliterated every possible trace of them and plowed the very soil with salt. The admirable stuff (like the Hellenic gods and art) they simply stole and renamed. It's a strange oppression that consults with an indigenous people for a more authentic expression of their nobility and power.

Thus, love for the high-stepping, jumping official symbol of the University comes into view in ways that empower adoring fans and university alumni to ignore the history (e.g., genocide) and its lingering residue (such as legal title to stolen land) from which most white people and many non-Native American people of color continue to reap untold benefit.

Oh, criminy. Look, the U.S. is not giving back Chicago, OK? For one thing, they built it. For another, Native American persons have equal rights under law with everyone else, so even with the country's faults we're coming out ahead of most similar situations in history. (In fact, since Indian nations are still technically sovereign, sometimes Native Americans have more rights under law in US Courts than they do in tribal proceedings - little things such as trial by jury and the right to counsel.) The treatment of the conquered Native American peoples isn't something to be proud of, but making the misdeeds of history the only parts that matter is patently dishonest.

Oh, and he does go on... it's all about power, blah blah, and "the struggle for hegemony." He's half-right, at least, on that count - but he's the one who wants the hegemony. He wants the University of Illinois to adhere to his ideal of white behavior: bowing and scraping and forever apologizing, pausing every moment to acknowledge the evils of their past (but NEVER the successes or virtues); and forbidden to admire a culture other than their own. This permanent sorry is more acceptable than a vigorous debate between free minds: the best way for us hegemonic oppressors to deal with our profound dread and apprehension is to be made to constantly feel it.

Dominant culture and power constitute a reaction formation of visual impressions, assumptions, stereotypes, and expectations that transform unacceptable urges into their opposite and free white people and their people of color allies from the necessity of dealing with profound dread and apprehension.

Just to recap - you're not allowed to admire a foreign culture, and you're not allowed to transform unacceptable urges into their opposite. In the old days, that was called improving your character; now it's just a smokescreen, a way to dodge unpleasant feelings.

Thus, through an enduring life-cycle of repetitive signifying practices (from children's literature and activities such as “sitting like an Indian” to scouting and Y-Indian Guides and Princesses) Illinoisans link their children and themselves through reaction formation to the institutionalized authority of spiritual guides such as Chief Illiniwek who capture their imaginations and offer them cathartic reproof of their ancestors' injustices and conceal their complicity in the ongoing oppression of Indian peoples.

FOR GOD'S SAKE BUY A DAMNED COMMA.

As for the "substance" of the objections: scouting? Lord Baden-Powell, trying to instill character in young men, was doing evil? He was oppressing Native Americans? Horse feathers. All of these hundred-dollar words really just boil down to one thing: D Anthony Tyeeme Clark is furiously determined to take his offense. If facts don't back up his umbrage, he will denounce them as false objectivity. If Illiniwek were a caricatured savage he'd complain on those grounds, but since he's meant as a noble figure of admiration and pride for the school, he'll complain on those grounds instead. Admiring the Chief means oppressing the rest of us! You are complicit! And I will toss as much sociology and grievance jargon at you as I need to avoid your questions!

Really, if he just says, "Chief Illiniwek offends me," then we can discuss why. If he further says, "I think that holding up Illiniwek as a wholesome image after having warred against actual Indians, confining them to reservations, is patronising lip service," then we have an actual position to be argued. In doing so, he may actually change some minds - but he also runs a risk of having his own mind changed. People discussing an idea from two different sides are in one sense colleagues: searching for a consensus, trying to reach a true answer or at least an accurate understanding of each other's thinking. This is obviously unacceptable - he says as much when he brands those who cooperate "collaborators." Descriptively, it's accurate, but he's not trying to define, but conjure. When he says collaborator he wants us to think quisling. Beyond that he doesn't want us to really think at all. He's so proud we are not allowed to admire his pride, his people so noble that we are not permitted to want to be like them. According to Mr. Clark, we are permitted only to be inferior and acknowledge it, never to improve on it. This amounts to racism, and Mr. Clark's fancy dress terms don't make his hatred virtuous, any more than putting a warthog in a prom dress makes it the homecoming queen.

Forgive me if I decline to share in delusion, however erudite.