Thursday, November 16, 2006

The Invincible Super-Warning

Chris Sims decided to alert the general reading public to certain unusual hazards associated with his blog.

Having the One-Man Army Corps rampage through your general vicinity would be a downer; Mr. Sims has the thanks of a grateful nation. Unfortunately, the Hive has learned that the ungrateful parts of the nation aren't so easily counted out.

TO: Chris Sims
The Invincible Super-Blog

FROM: Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe, LLC

On behalf of our client, Mr. Jim Shooter, we announce our intention to bring action against you for the following:

On July 15, 2006, Mr. Shooter (the plaintiff) was a duly-logged visitor to your facility and registered same with your head of security, Mr. Luke Cage (hereby named as co-defendant). On this date Dr. Stephen Strange was also visiting for a symposium hosted by a government official named Nicholas Fury. During this symposium several unusual events occured, the nature of which have never been adequately explained.

It is not our intention to demand full disclosure of Secrets Man Was Not Meant to Know (in accordance with the PATRIOT Act and certain other federal statutes). We do, however, claim negligence in the following particulars:
  1. Several bolts of the Power Cosmic demolished the auditorium and much of the adjacent wing. This structure was not built to the proper code despite previous similar incidents (some involving dieties and/or extradimensional beings).
  2. Security, in the persons of Mr. Cage and his associate, Mr. Daniel Rand, were entirely inadequate protection for such an event.
  3. The provided warning signs are of no informative or cautionary value if they fail to mention the significant threat of megalomaniacal super-villians.
  4. Neither the hosts, presenters, or any relevant personnel mentioned that a gamma-radiated scientist was on the panel, nor that he would unaccountably lose his temper when Mr. Shooter accidentally dropped hot coffee on his lap while fleeing the bolts of Power Cosmic as described above.
  5. In particular, the Eye of Agamotto should come with some sort of caution.

We understand that heretofore your response has been that the auditorium was empty for intermission when the incident took place. Trusting to comic-book physics as a safety device is not acceptable, especially as so many of the guests present during this symposium are perfectly capable of bending or outright disregarding all the laws of physics - one was observed summoning lightning with a large hammer while another opened a portal through time and dropped a dinosaur on someone's Hyundai. This is hugely irresponsible and dangerous, and we demand an immediate remedy.

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