- Most over-the-top celebrity demand. Actually, the big one - the insatiable demand - is the admiration and love of the public. Everything else, including all the contract riders made famous by The Smoking Gun, is simply symptomatic of this need.
- Most entertaining celebrity screw-up. The Crooze. It's such a public self-detonation, and better still, it's blown the clamshell wide open. People are asking questions and making mock of what they learn, and that's usually the beginning of the end for your cult as far as public image is concerned. Good times.
- You’re a top-tier celebrity. You travel to a new town for a month. What are your demands for your hotel room? Huh? Oh, I'm sorry, I was still laughing at "you're a top-tier celebrity." Hotel room, you say... OK, I ask for the room to be clean, comfortable, not missing towels or pillows or anything; and an extended check-out time. I love that.
- You’re a top-tier celebrity. What are you famous for? Writing, I hope; otherwise, for being the World's Fastest "Minesweeper" Player.
- You’re the star of a wildly popular sitcom. What’s the name of the sitcom? "The Four of Us." I actually had character sketches and plot ideas - the theme was "Seinfeld" without the neurotic self-absorption. "Friends" nearly had it down before turning Chandler and Ross into eunuchs. However, I've aged past the main roles and would now have to take a supporting role.
- Tell me a memory of something that happened to you in high school. We were supposed to dissect cats in senior biology, advanced placement. I've always had a pet cat growing up, and was not prepared to see several varieties for our enlightenment on our lab tables. I had an episode - we're not talking just crying, but bawling, blubbering, absolute despondence; the kind of thing that kills the snickering after a moment or two, when people start to realize that this is serious, the kid's totally lost it. Nobody ever blabbed about it that I found out, and nobody gave me a hard time afterward, which is possibly one of the kindest things I've ever seen, considering it was high school.
- Did you fall in love in high school? I crushed a time or two. Fairly embarrassing, but live and learn. Fortunately, one of the lasses was quite kind and we actually became friends for a year or so before graduation.
- What did you want to do with your life when you were in high school? No idea. Veterinarian was right out (see #6, above). I've always enjoyed writing but was never well-supplied with burning ambition.
- Have you ever come close to dying? I had an emergency appendectomy when I was 12. It was pretty bad, but they got to it in time.
- Have you ever broken a law? Besides traffic laws?
- Have you ever broken a bone? Thankfully, no, but I did dislocate my right pinky. It's been permanently kinked ever since.
- Is there one job you would do regardless of how much you were compensated? Overnight DJ. The show would be free-format, taking calls on good topics or just spinning unusual music when things were quiet.
- Name one thing you love most about your closest friends. That we don't have to audition for each other; we can just be normal together.
- What is the most unexplainable, supernatural thing that has ever happened to you? I've experienced moments that I believe were supernatural, but were explainable. To me that does not automatically disprove their nature.
- Why do you read blogs? I get to know people I would never meet otherwise, and have great conversations on every subject under heaven. For example - top Star Wars lines that are improved by replacing a word with "pants." Example - "Alderaan is peaceful, we have no pants!" (Thanks, guys.) Additional example not on the list: "Uh, negative, we have a pants leak down here - large leak, very dangerous..."
- Three movies that mean a lot to you. You'll be disappointed, guys - movies tend not to mean a lot to me. I have favorites, but nothing really life-changing or deeply significant. Maybe Star Wars for giving me a lifelong geekout, and Mary Poppins for the beginning of my soundtrack fetish.
- Flowers or candy? Books.
- Have you ever been questioned by the police or federal agents? In relation to other matters I've witnessed, then yes.
- Do you go on rollercoasters? Infrequently, but I enjoy them as a rare treat.
- Do you consider yourself more creative or more logical? Creative.
- Start a rumor about another person who comments on RTG (be nice!) I suppose that's Lisa, since it's her trackback I got this from: "Lisa buys soup and compulsively steals the small saltine cracker packs, and hoards them. She has over 65,000 individually-wrapped crackers from diners and restaurants across the country, spanning 28 years of dining."
- What is the longest you’ve ever stayed awake? Nearly two days. "At the end, I believed that I was a hummingbird of some kind."
- Tell me how you got one of your scars. I cut my left kneecap on a broken toilet bowl that we were hauling to the curb.
- What is your favorite smell? Plenty - fireplaces, grilling steaks, a burnt match, fresh coffee, and roasting marshmallows.
- What was your first job? Clerk, audio-visual department, Ocean County Library.
- What do you get complimented on? Creativity, smarts, and friendliness are usually what I hear about.
- Name one thing you disavow. The live-action Grinch movie with Jim Carrey. IT NEVER HAPPENED.
- Name one thing you affirm. The Nicene Creed.
- Do you believe in Karma? Capital "K", probably not. Little "k", sure - there are many arrows in His quiver.
- Are you physically flexible? Eh. I've been a goalie for some time, but I'm low on the scales compared to other goaltenders. For an average guy of my build and age, I may be high average.
- What are the last four numbers of your cell? Not applicable, as I am currently not in jail.
- What is your favorite love story? I'm kind of in it right now. Commercially, "Pride and Prejudice" is good for starters, followed by the Macawbers from "David Copperfield."
- You’re the anchor for your local hometown news station. What’s your sign-off phrase? I would have various production assistants read the credits in a variety of styles, a la "Whose Line."
- You are a character in a movie made in the 1950s staring Ava Gardner. What character are you? The lovable eccentric with a heart of gold.
- Favorite place and favorite weather? One place is much like another. It's the company, not the location. Similarly, I enjoy weather as a class - mild spring days are the best to be in, but I love love love big weather - the sound of a thunderstorm or a frame-rattling blizzard. In a strange way, I've even enjoyed the two hurricanes I've seen.
- You can go to the moon, round-trip, for $10. Do you go? Hells yeah.
- What’s your favorite acronym? Snafu, mostly because it's achieved word status.
- In your job, is it more important to be consistent or to constantly surprise your boss? Consistent, by a long margin.
- You have a week and unlimited money. What do you do? Pay off my Mom's house, support my parish for the next several decades, and throw a great wedding for my bride to be.
- Tell me a limerick. Geez, pick one.
This meme was the source of the Kansas bit, below, so congrats to Lisa on the double-trackback!
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