Set phasers to mockery, Mr. Chekov

Via Ms. Sister of the Swilling, a tale of a publisher's blurb:

More than a coming-out memoir, The Confession is the story of one man's quest to repair the rift between his public and private selves, at a time in our culture when the personal and political have become tangled like frayed electric cables. Teeming with larger-than-life characters, written with honesty, grace, and rare insight into what it means to negotiate the minefields of American public life, it may be among the most honest political memoirs ever written.

Or, the really short version - BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

This is so badly written it's hard to credit it to a publishing company; it sounds more like it was written by a tenth-grader who thinks that, since he knows what the word "cogent" means, he doesn't have to bother being cogent himself. Just throw a half-dozen similes onto the page and you've got a mosaic of meaning!

Fish, meet barrel. Time to get shooting...

More than a coming-out memoir,

Much more, in fact - first, he already came out at the press conference, and second, both the conference and the book have served to divert attention from the corruption responsible for James McGreevey's resignation as Governor.

The Confession is the story of one man's quest to repair the rift between his public and private selves,

It may well be, although I'd be more willing to credit that explanation if McGreevey had saved it for the book and not mentioned it at all in the resignation. But my concern here is with the blurb itself. As a descriptive this more accurately fits the Star Trek episode where Kirk splits into a good half and a bad half, than any political process I've heard of.

at a time in our culture when the personal and political have become tangled like frayed electric cables.

Yeah, it's getting worse. Oh, what a tangled rift we repair! Our blurbist can't possibly think that a rift is like a tangled electric cable - or a tangled, frayed electric cable. Or a bunch of frayed electric cables that are tangled. More likely, the blurbist isn't thinking at all, and is merely hoping that we'll mistake an impressive vocabulary for good writing.

I'll also note, at this point, that "the personal is political" is bollocks. It's much closer to true to say that people make the political personal - a process that this memoir is unlikely to interrupt. Instead of this flowery crap about rifted selves (that are tangled, don't forget), it would be simpler to say that politicians long have been parading their families as photo ops without actually being good family men; that all of their talk about promises and integrity has no intention to keep either. Strunk and White were right, bless them - "Be concrete."

And, if you'll forgive the bluntness - is a guy who left his wife and daughters a good choice to write a book about bringing those things back together?

Teeming with larger-than-life characters,

Electrical cables teem?
A memoir of someone's life has larger-than-life characters?
OK - I admit that I didn't read the thing. Did the publisher?

written with honesty,

Hey, kids! Our author didn't lie in his own memoir! BUY TODAY!

grace, and rare insight into what it means to negotiate the minefield of American public life,

(At this point, your brain may hurt. Take a moment, sip some water.)

This is just shoddy writing. Strunk and White again: "Shoddy writing is shoddy thinking." For example: what rare insights can the guy have? He dealt a state job to his supremely-unqualified lover. Hardly rare. Nor would I call it "negotiating the minefield of American public life" when he was caught, and resigned amid scandal. You may as well read my book about what it takes to colonize Mars.

And - again with the bluntness and the hurting and flayven! - life would be far less of a minefield if one simply wasn't a crook. Integrity doesn't mean skirting the law, or not getting caught, or looking stern while saying serious things on TV. It means that all of one's faculties cooperate - that one's public and private selves never get rifted. (I'm beginning to heart that word.) One need not be in public life to benefit, either.

it may be among the most honest political memoirs ever written.

It may be honest? You're not sure? You seemed sure a couple of sentences ago... though, as we've seen, it's rather hard to tell. Are you even sure it's rare? There's a whole industry that caters to celebs and politicos in disgrace - it's called "hitting the confessional circuit." You don't even have to do anything, either, except talk about how lousy you feel. This would seem to indicate that the lack of integrity that caused the disgrace is still in operation, and that "confessional" is therefore not an accurate term. "Fooling oneself" or "wasting all of our time" are far better, though they don't read as well on the back of a dust jacket.

Of course by now I've run both my points into the ground, dug them out, pummeled them, and left the scraps for the buzzards. I'm sorry to be on about it so long. For the three of you still conscious: don't write like this blurb. Ever. Please. Don't rift your selves like tangled cables that teem with rare insight and (perhaps) honesty. You'll be happier and you won't have to bother with writing a book about it.

This has been a public service announcement of Bloggers Against Rifted Writing.

Touched by a spammer

Mostly the same spammer too - a mysterious sort whose visits don't register on my SiteMeter count. Probably it means that the little visitor was a bot plugging directly into the commenting URL and not getting there at all through the post.

Hast been duly reported, and hopefully quashed.

The volume of spam at work is far greater, of course, but in some ways even a little bit fun. For one thing, we have excellent filters now, and they catch a good majority of the stuff. For another, I get to browse the list of subject lines and enjoy the evolution of spam. I have three theories on it:

1. Spammers all spam each other, too, and get ideas for new wording from each other
2. Spammers are actually like vast schools of fish, moving like a solid curtain, with no individual responsible for any change of direction
3. There is an Ur-Spammer, like the Master Control Program in Tron, issuing its imperious commands. (End of line.)

Any of these would cover the facts as observed, to wit: spammers keep up one pattern for a couple of days and then swap. So, for a few days I'll get a hunk of subject lines: "Name says." Then, all at once, it will be "Name wrote." And THEN all at once it will be "Talk to Name."

Yeah, well... no thanks, anyway. You're all Nigerian discount mortgage casinos that sell foreign drugs. But I do find it fascinating to see how you all turn on the same dime. There's never any overlap. It's not like I'll see a stray "Name says" after everyone is saying "Talk to Name."

For a while after that, I saw something new - fake news headlines. Or rather, real news headlines cribbed from actual news sites, only used as subjects. For a little while, they were even introduced as (for example) "CNN: Bush to ask for higher troop deployment." Very quickly, however, the CNN was dropped in favor of the generic "News Service."

[And THAT was quite interesting. We small fry don't have the deep pockets to permanently end these annoyances - but don't tick off Ted Turner.]

It didn't last long. In fact, for a while "Name" returned to action; it was like meeting an old college buddy you'd lost touch with after school, when it became obvious you hadn't really had much in common in the first place beyond a class and the same dorm floor. Not one of those pleasant meetings either - a meeting where you're shocked at how Federlinish he looks, and are trying to escape after 23 seconds.

At home, weeding through blog spam, one finds a different tone. They don't work nearly as hard in the home version of this game. Usually there's nothing more than their suspicious little URL, sometimes not even hotlinked. One may get a string of words that one normally avoids using in the body of posts precisely because it attracts spammers - in other words, it's like spam cannibalism (Spamibalism?); they'll catch other spambots but no actual readers.

Sometimes I think I'd rather have Bingley's breed of spambot, who generate fabulous names like "Euphonious K Dirigible" or "Daunting Y Mallomar." Those are fun.

Gutted

Got some disappointing news last night: the folks at Sega and Sports Interactive have scrapped my current favorite game.

I mention this, not just because the game itself is so engaging and well-planned, it's to recognize the developers, who have apparently known that this was a definite event for a while now - but still worked extra hours to produce the latest game patch, to leave us all with the best possible product.

Sounds silly, doesn't it - gee, they made the game work, isn't that their job? - but in this case I want to recognize them for it. First, there are plenty of larger, more famous companies notorious for stranding people with buggy, inferior product and simply expecting that they'll deal out 50 more bucks next year for little more than a glorified roster update. To hide this, they toss in cockamamie "features" that add nothing to the experience except aggravation. (I hated the EA:NHL 'player cards' and their pathetic 'career mode' that only lasted ten seasons.)

Second, it isn't their job anymore. They've been working on Sega/SI's other titles for a month or more, but they still pushed themselves for us - and by "us" I mean maybe 8,000 worldwide. That's it.

So, business decision for unpopular, high-quality title to bite the dust. Again, it's a blinding flash of the obvious, right? Well - that brings me to the Rant Section of our little tale. Part of the reason for the sluggish sales has been game piracy. No-talent, cheapskate stooges put up mirror sites to download the demo version (free for half a season of the game); those sites got many more times the downloads of Sega/SI's legit site. Even if the full game hadn't been available, that's a bad sign; if people were planning on buying it they'd have downloaded the demo from Sega/SI in the first place, not a hack site. But the full game is also out there, thanks to Russian and Chi-com hackers whose activities are tacitly approved by their governments in a form of freelance economic combat.

So theft and dishonesty cost us future versions of a fabulous, fun game and the developers all get shuffled to other work - at least they were lucky enough to keep their jobs in this case. And I'm lucky enough to have a special place to let fly at these hacking jive turkeys, once Emily has finished typing. Break out the knobs for this one...

My toilet is not Muslim-friendly

Someone tell me this is a gag:

Toilets in one London prison are getting a face-lift — or rather, a change in direction — to accommodate Muslim inmates who can't use them while facing Mecca, a British newspaper reported.

Government officials ackowledged using tax dollars for the changes to the facilities, but maintained that moving the toilets was part of "on-going refurbishment," according to an article in The Sun.

Islamic code prohibits Muslims from facing or turning their backs on the direction of prayer when they use the bathroom. Muslim prisoners complained of having to sit sideways on toilets so as to not break code.

Faith leaders in the government pressured officials to approve turning the toilets 90 degrees at HMP Brixton in London.

Muslim American rights worker commended the London prison system for their actions, but said the problem, so far, doesn't appear to be an issue in the U.S.

"There have been very significant and numerous complaints at U.S. prisons on issues of regulating hygiene and respect for dietary laws," said Ibrahim Ramey, director of human and civil rights work for Muslim America Society. However, Ramey said he was unaware of any specific complaints regarding the direction of toilets in U.S. prisons.

This is a comment from the orginal report, which you can read here:

Labour MP Khalid Mahmood said: “As far as I understand this rule only applies in a place of worship."

Simon Cowell cures global warming...

...by dropping one of the coldest lines in history on Idol last night.

I'd just finished my game and the Ladybug and I were hanging out in the lounge area at the rink while I stowed my gear, and we watched with the guy at the counter and about fifteen other players and fans (all family, naturally). Simon is a great heel - it's part of the fun to watch him hammer the clueless and talent-free, and he plays well to that, but last night he went wayyyyy across the line with the girl with Crystal Gayle hair:

He smiled, chatted her up, asked her to bring in her mom (similar hair), and had her stand by her side while she sang - hands folded, sort of quiet and choir-solo-ish. This was simply a sweet girl who likes to sing and wanted to try it.

"It looks like your mom really liked it."
Beam.
"That's understandable... it was an audition that only a mother could like."

Holy hell. That's just brutal - not only the line itself, but setting it up the way he did and then casually tossing the line off, with her mother standing right there. WTF, Simon? She didn't have any wiggle or jiggle so you could bully her?

She bawled outside. I mean bawled, and not that half-phony "How dare they not swoon before my demented greatness, all my cats love me!" sort of crying, with one eye on the camera. (Her dad was great, by the way, consoling her. She'll be fine if her family really is as on-the-ball as they seemed.)

There was some good fun to be had.

• Paula was on her meds the first half of the show (and then was not there the second, for a "family function" - read "sleeping it off");
• We got Jamie Lynn Ward - the second she appeared I started chanting "Pick-LER! Pick-LER!" even before we got her backstory. If she didn't swallow her own tongue during the audition she was going through. You'd be better off betting against gravity.
• Brandy turned in such a lousy performance that Simon followed her out to tell her again that she sucked. This also led to the best exchange of the night, after she claimed the wood floor made her sound bad:

Randy: Try singing on the carpet instead.
[No improvement.]
NF: I guess the rug's made of wood, too.
Teammate: Dude, it's her voice that's made of wood.

That broke up the whole room. Still... Simon's cutdown is sitting ugly in my gut. I mean, whiskey tango foxtrot...

(For more on the show, this is your must-read.)

Lier!

Oh, Sheila...


That will teach you to talk about Peter Gatien!

(Source - the ever-famous Backstroke of the West. Do not attempt to drink beverages while reading.)

Musical Monday - Tuesdays With Simon

OK - so if you want up-to-datedness on all things American Idol, this is your place. (Cullen also does some timely posting.) You're welcome.

I was all about the hurting on Tuesdays last year, but my old league played Monday. It folded, and my new league plays Tuesdays, and I do some reffing. This means that between games I get maybe ten minutes of Idol, and have to play catch-up via the old VHS. (I really should be watching Paleolithic Idol, I'm lucky my computer doesn't run off a team of hamsters on a treadmill.)

Anyway, I would like to see some of the Hollywood rounds so I can at least get behind a few people, but so far the only full ep I've seen is the most recent NY/NJ audition show.

Note to file - most superstars don't have to wear their own name on the front of a homemade t-shirt. Neither do they enter singing competitions to do a half-assed speed-talking spaz-dance deal. He was even off-key! How is it even possible to TALK off-key?!? Even Joan Collins was ticked.

Thank you, Ian Benardo, for teaching us to laugh about love... again.

The 22-year old teenager adopted by Bolivians was quite talented, however, as was Rainbow Brite the opera rocker. "Who are you," indeed, Simon. She probably could have belted that out on the spot if you really wanted. He's going to have to start listening to these auditions with his eyes closed or something.

She's sweet on Wagner
I think she'd die for Beethoven
She loves the way Puccini lays down a tune
And Verdi's always creeping from her room

As for the Sopranettes, immortalized as BFF1 & 2 by Cullen... it's plain that Pt Pleasant is a better singer; she also seems like a decent girl, unlike Ms. Holmdel. My prediction is that, if Holmdel lasts longer (or they go out together), they'll be OK; but if Pt Pleasant outlasts Holmdel that friendship is done.

The "dress and stilettos" guy (yeah, that's classy, Simon) set out at the top of his range and had no room left. That's what killed him. "Three Times an Idol" girl, unfortunately, chose a show-off song, and one that is, sadly, one of the most annoying ditties ever sang. I would have felt worse for her if she hadn't made that speech at the end, which sounded more daytime soap than heartfelt plea. I'm glad that the "Build Me Up Buttercup" guy is getting another go, though. He can sing, and I like how he's handling having gakked the words last year - that sheepish "yeah, my bad" deal is just the right balance.

Coincidentally, a guy who worked at the rink where I started playing sang that song all the time.

Why do you fill me up (fill me up)
Buttercup, baby, just to let me down (let me down)
And mess me around
And then worst of all (worst of all)
You never call, baby, when you say you will (say you will)
But I love you still

I need you (I need you)
More than anyone, darling
You know that I have from the start
So fill me up, buttercup
Don't break my heart

I will remember that song after I've forgotten my own name.

Not much else to say that hasn't already been said funnier elsewhere. I'm not sure where the Joe Jackson dude came from - forty-seven years old?!? - but he was rather sad to hear. Shouldn't you be at the PTA meeting or something?

In general, I'm not sure why nearly everyone goes in for the cut-rate Whitney Houston mewling. They sound like they're hyperventilating and it only serves to expose their lack of talent. Hit the note and hold it for longer than a quarter-second, dammit. "Love" is one syllable, not twelve - "lo-wu-oh-uh-OOOOOOOH-EEE-oooooh-vvvvvv-ooooh-wu-ohhhh..." You can be smacked, you know, so sing or shut up.

UMC= United Marshmallow Church

Which is what the United Methodist Church is turning into:

There will be U2 music at Sunday's 6:30 p.m. contemporary service at the First United Methodist Church in downtown Orlando. The church's praise band (isn't there a catchier name than that?) will perform U2 hits such as "In the Name of Love," "With or Without You" and "Beautiful Day" to raise awareness about poverty and social issues.

Where did the idea originate? It all started with an interview that Bono gave at the Willow Creek Leadership Conference, an annual meeting involving a wide range of church denominations."He was talking about being involved in changing social ills, and that just went into the back of our minds," says Justin Cox, an assistant to the youth director at First Methodist. "In the month of January, we have been talking each week about different social issues -- poverty, homelessness, AIDS. We remembered Bono's interview and his campaign."

Cox says the church has never incorporated any rock or pop music in its services, but the Bono connection was a natural one. Young people also know of Bono's activism, particularly through the RED product tie-ins launched by the Gap and Apple."If you listen to the words in the music, people can sing along and understand how they apply to AIDS and poverty and being sexually active," says Sharon Tice, a volunteer in the church's youth ministry.

U2 has put out some good stuff. I turn the radio up when U2 is on. But when you are a "praise" band playing it in church, you are no longer a praise band. The operative word is "praise", which is defined by the Merriam-Webster online dictionary ( http://www.m-w.com/ ) as:


transitive verb

1 : to express a favorable judgment of : Commend

2: to glorify (a god or saint) especially by the attribution of perfectionsintransitive verb : to express praise

I am in the music team in our church. We do not call ourselves a praise band, but we come a lot closer to it than these guys. It all comes down to the purpose of your Sunday meeting. In our church we sing praises (definition 2) and then one of our pastors opens the Bible and talks about what's in it. (That's called the "Dragnet" preaching style - just the facts, ma'am.)

If you're going to use your Sunday morning meeting to promote social activism then merge with the Episcopalians and become the Democratic National Committee with holidays.

I have no problem with churches being involved in politics (whoops! Conservative churches are involved in politics, mainstream theo-lib churches are involved in social activism. I need to keep that straight.) But if the social gospel is all you have, then you don't have the Gospel.

Fer criminy's sake

Via Crab Apple Lane, a tale about your classic Flight From Hell. I've a good deal of sympathy for the passengers, having been in bad situations with delayed flights and airline ripoffs - but Rob's choice of Quote of the Day just... well... aarrrgh.

Now, they’re calling for the U.S. Congress to pass a passengers’ bill of rights.

Oh, baloney. Enough of this "X's Bill of Rights" crapola. Passengers already have a bill of rights. It's called the Bill of Rights.

I can't stand this classifying people to the nth degree. It makes us think of ourselves not as citizens under an equal rule of law but as aggrieved subsets who aren't getting special attention (wah wah) and why doesn't Congress do something?

Well, Congress isn't supposed to do something about everything. The whole point of the actual Bill of Rights and Constitution was limiting Congressional power and leaving the actual business of everyday living to the sovereign citizens of the country - us. Crying for a law every time one has a merely unpleasant experience, and then giving that cry equal status in name with one of the revolutionary documents in world history, is nitwittery.

Of course it's not your fault Rob, and I'm not yelling at you. This is just another whack at the piñata for people who want the government to make life perfect forever and ever; who think that the moment you're dissatisfied someone has to be held liable. Even with cause (such as these passengers had) that's a dubious proposition.

Let's take this proposal (which I will NOT be calling the PBOR) one step at a time, shall we?

All American air carriers shall abide by the following standards to ensure the safety, security and comfort of their passengers:

OK - right off, I'd like to point out that any American air carrier that does poorly with safety, security, and comfort should not be patronized, and should go out of business quite nicely without more damned laws - many of which are probably already on the books in some form or fashion. It's not like fraud is legal.

• Establish procedures to respond to all passenger complaints within 24 hours and with appropriate resolution within 2 weeks.

And who gets to decide what "appropriate resolution" is? Right now, it's you the consumer. If Delta jerks your chain, fly United. If United strands you in Pierre, South Dakota, fly Continental.

• Notify passengers within ten minutes of a delay of known diversions, delays and cancellations via airport overhead announcement, on aircraft announcement, and posting on airport television monitors.

If they ask, then a responsible airline should tell them. If not, then why annoy them? "Oh, we're going to be late, just GREAT," they huff; but if the delay's only 15 minutes, why make the passengers huffy? They probably wouldn't have noticed anyway.

• Establish procedures for returning passengers to terminal gate when delays occur so that no plane sits on the tarmac for longer than three hours without connecting to a gate.

I'm not arguing in favor of stranding people in a plane indefinitely, but I can't conceive of major airports not already having procedures for these cases, because a life-threatening event requires it. The problem is that in many areas, one can always take another airline, but you're stuck with the airport - and the airport may suck.

The solution seems obvious to me. If the airport is the problem, then any law or revision thereof should target that and not the carrier.

• Provide for the essential needs of passengers during air- or ground-based delays of longer than 3 hours, including food, water, sanitary facilities, and access to medical attention.
• Provide for the needs of disabled, elderly and special needs passengers by establishing procedures for assisting with the moving and retrieving of baggage, and the moving of passengers from one area of airport to another at all times by airline personnel.

These are, I think, already laws - you can't just lock people on a plane intederminately with no provision. More than that, it's common sense. You mean we need a law to tell us not to imprison our customers in an uncomfortable box all day?

Reading the original account, you see that American had unavoidable problems (technical and weather delays), and then made them worse by being understaffed around the holidays. For me the eye-opener, however, was that in some of the other cases cited, the delays were caused by well-meant laws badly applied. For example: international passengers stranded in a diverted plane, unable to stay because there was no customs service and unable to go on because the crew had reached their lawful work-time limits. How can the airline be made liable for that? On the flight in question, the captain was repeatedly denied permission to get to a gate and eventually did it anyway. But a nine-hour delay, however horrid, is preferable to the risk of a collision, certain to injure or kill many.

In either case, there are already all sorts of remedies in civil court, and the ultimate expedient, taking one's business elsewhere.

• Publish and update monthly on the company’s public web site a list of chronically delayed flights, meaning those flight delayed thirty minutes or more, at least forty percent of the time, during a single month.

Actually a decent idea; but again, usually airlines and airports analyze data like these and, to keep themselves in business, they work to avoid these delays. In other words, why make a law when it's something the airlines already need to do well? (Notice the trend here?)

My heart goes out to the crew. They're just as stuck, with the added fun of getting screamed at (or possibly threatened) by weary and frustrated passengers, and an obligation to be kind and patient in reply.

• Compensate “bumped” passengers or passengers delayed due to flight cancellations or postponements of over 12 hours by refund of 150% of ticket price.

AHA. Sooner or later, we knew that this was going to have a "Gouge the Business" Provision.

• The formal implementation of a Passenger Review Committee, made up of non-airline executives and employees but [sic] rather passengers and consumers – that would have the formal ability to review and investigate complaints.

And sooner or later, a new bureaucracy was bound to come into play.

Hey, dumbass lawyers - passengers and consumers already have formal ability to complain. They hired YOU, you useless dipwads. And there are plenty of non-airline executives with the formal ability to review and investigate complaints. They're called judges. BUT they can't do their jobs until you do yours, which is representing your clients' interests instead of grandstanding for some face time on TV.

• Make lowest fare information, schedules and itineraries, cancellation policies and frequent flyer program requirements available in an easily accessed location and updated in real-time.

Orbitz isn't easily accessed? They're so easy to access, half the time I do it without even trying because of the damned popups.

• Ensure that baggage is handled without delay or injury; if baggage is lost or misplaced, the airline shall notify customer of baggage status within 12 hours and provide compensation equal to current market value of baggage and its contents.

Look, I'm not just ranting off the cuff here.

Continental's policy.
United's policy.
Delta's.
American's.
Southwest's.

I found them pretty much in less than a minute. I had more trouble finding them for places like Jet Blue and AirTran, which didn't surprise me. They aren't major carriers and there's a reason why. In other words, consumers already are watching out for themselves, aided effectively by laws already in place.

In all of these cases, the policy is (quite sensibly) that you tell the airline that your stuff is gone, and then they get cracking. I've had my luggage misrouted, and it's a drag wearing the same outfit two days in a row until you get shopping, but really, did it break my arm? And then I had new clothes, so really, it was win-win in the end.

Note that all of these sites will, with only minimal trouble, tell you about handling policy beforehand, and they also warn you that the TSA assumes responsibility under certain circumstances - and they then give you links to their web site and a helpful toll-free phone number.

None of this has yet considered that for a major airline, one can always go to the counter at the airport (or call ahead) and ask about stuff. Like, "Where's my luggage, you crooks? And why am I routing through Cleveland for a flight from Dallas to Tampa?"

There's something at the end of this stupidity that said that the laws would also apply to foreign carriers (I think, I don't know what code-share partners are since I'm not in the industry). Again, utterly useless since doing business here already implies following the appropriate laws.

Hello, Mary Lou

The original "I just nailed my final vault, so take THAT" gymnast is 39 today.

I learned this while scanning through the radio waves on my way home today. The station does a "70's at Seven" bit, and the DJ decided to intro a song with the news about Ms. Retton. "You know, that gymnast from the 70's - how is that even possible?" she gushed.

Who knows? Up next on 70's at Seven - U2.

Ah, blogworld

Chatting about (of all things) Governeur Morris at the Sheila Variations, I had a friendly exchange with a guy whose name was new - and who surprised me by saying that it had been a while, how've I been?

Well, it turns out that new guy is actually THIS guy. Haven't chatted in a dog's age, but there he is. It's a small Internet, folks. You lose touch, you get back in touch... Well, I'm doing terrific overall, thanks for asking. It's good to hear from you again, and I hope you and yours are well.

And apropos of nothing (again), I think it took me until high school to realize that "Governeur" was Mr. Morris' given name; when I was a kid I always assumed that some guy named Morris was once Governor, but that they spelled it wrong in the old days.

Another Embarrassment to the Faith

This is what unbelievers rip us for - going into people personal lives. What "evidence of those rumor's truth"? Barbara Streisand CDs? An affinity for show tunes? Being LTN (Little Too Neat)?

Please stop now. Governor Crist, Michael Jackson and I are all 48-year-old single white men. One of us is gay, and it isn't Governor Crist or I.

Florida celebrated the inauguration of another Republican governor this month who promises to maintain the previous administration's policy of holding down taxes and improving quality of education. But Charlie Crist will also be seeking to quell rumors about his sexuality that dogged him throughout his campaign, and pro-family leaders say they will be watching for any evidence of those rumors' truth in the days to come.

An Embarrassment to the Faith

About six years ago in Tampa we had some "Christians" running a Ponzi scheme. They would lie and cheat people out of their savings while claiming that the laws of the country didn't apply to them because they were "citizens of heaven".

Then there's this clown:

A Florida evangelist who founded a creationist theme park but was accused of tax fraud because he called his employees missionaries and paid them in cash has been convicted on those counts.

Kent Hovind, of Pensacola, is known as "Dr. Dino," for his Dinosaur Adventure Land, and had declared at a hearing last summer he did not recognize the government's right to try him.

Creation Science Evangelism ministry in Pensacola included a museum and a science center, too, and is dedicated to debunking evolution. He has offered $250,000 reward to anyone offering sufficient proof of evolution.

The evangelist says he's not a tax protester, asserting he has no income or property because everything belongs to God.

But a 12-person jury deliberated for 2½ hours before finding Hovind and his wife, Jo, guilty of all counts in their tax-fraud case, according to a report in the News Journal.

He was found guilty of 58 counts, including failure to pay $845,000 in employee-related taxes. He faces a maximum of 288 years in prison. Jo Hovind was charged and convicted in 44 of the counts involving evading bank-reporting requirements. She faces up to 225 years in prison but was allowed to remain free pending the couple's sentencing on Jan. 9, the News Journal said.

To the rest of you cheats, thieves and liars who use my Lord and Savior as a prop, why not read His Word before you before you try and use my God as a defense like this criminal (note the portions in bold).

Romans 13:1-7
Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God. Therefore whoever resists authority has opposed the ordinance of God; and they who have opposed will receive condemnation upon themselves. For rulers are not a cause of fear for good behavior, but for evil. Do you want to have no fear of authority? Do what is good and you will have praise from the same; for it is a minister of God to you for good. But if you do what is evil, be afraid; for it does not bear the sword for nothing; for it is a minister of God, an avenger who brings wrath on the one who practices evil. Therefore it is necessary to be in subjection, not only because of wrath, but also for conscience' sake. For because of this you also pay taxes, for rulers are servants of God, devoting themselves to this very thing. Render to all what is due them: tax to whom tax is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honor to whom honor.

A bedtime story

This is a little story I put together to answer a question my Ladybug asked me at the rink one day. - NF

Once upon a time, a nice boy named Randy Holt decided to take up the sport of ice hockey. He got laughed at a bit, mostly because he was smaller than the other boys once he was done growing. Adult Randy was rather an average 5’ 11”, 185 lbs.* But once Randy started playing, the other kids stopped laughing – because he would clobber them if they didn’t.

Randy Holt was good enough to represent seven different NHL teams in ten years. A majority of his games were spent with the Washington Capitals, but his most notable game came in early 1979, when he was a Los Angeles King. His primary responsibility wasn’t scoring. The Kings had Marcel Dionne, Charlie Simmer, Dave Taylor, and Butch Goring to score goals. Randy’s job was simply to make sure that nobody tried to knock down those guys.

On this particular evening – March 11, 1979 – the Kings traveled to play the Philadelphia Flyers, and an all-out brawl broke loose in the first period. Randy got into in with Ken Linseman, whose style of play would soon earn him the nickname, “The Rat.” Linseman was only a rookie at the time, and much more successful offensively than Randy. In fact, he scored five goals in 30 games that rookie season, one more than Randy totalled for his entire career. But during this brawl, Randy set a standard no other player has ever matched: he was assessed 57 minutes in penalties. To go along with the ten that he already had, Randy finished with 67 penalty minutes in one game.

An NHL game only lasts 60 minutes.

Others have done more in the long haul. Four different guys have topped 400 minutes in a season – an average of five per game. Dave “Tiger” Williams rang up 3966 minutes in his career – over 66 complete games spent sitting in penalty boxes. (When he was actually on the ice he was good enough for 241 career goals.) There was Ogie Oglethorpe of Slap Shot fame, “with the litigation, the notoriety, his subsequent deportation to Canada and that country's refusal to accept him.” But let us remember Randy Holt, who for one night was on a par with any of them – March 11, 1979, at the fabulous Sports Spectrum of Philadelphia, where Randy Holt was the King of the Rink.

*Adult Nightfly is 6’ even, and about 170 pounds, just for comparison’s sake.

Quote of the month

From the estimable Ken Summers:

Yet, even in the most anti-smoking jurisdictions, it is legal to carry concealed cigarettes as long as you don't fire one up illegally. I could go for gun laws like that - legal to carry one concealed as long as you don't fire it off illegally.

It comes from a fisking of this editorial favoring forced disarmament, and you will enjoy said fisking immensely. Like hitting deer with a Camry, baby...

Filed under...

There are a couple of in-jokes on the card, but most of the attempted humor should be obvious. Ten points to the first person who gets the movie quote.

(w/t to Sheila for finding the Card Catalogue Generator)

UPDATE - Thanks to Tracey and her link to the Dewey Decimal blog (!!) I now know that "516" is not only the area code for my old hometown, it's also the official categorization for works on geometry. (The 500's in general are devoted to SCIENCE!)

And speaking of 24...

I had never seen it. In fact, the only thing I knew for sure about "24" was that Jack Bauer is like Chuck Norris crossed with Mr. T, but with Indiana Jones' resourcefulness and James Bond's determination. In other words, I expected my television to explode from awesome.

Maybe that was part of the trouble... because those first three hours drove me CRAZY.

OK, so this guy is so damn cool he singlehandedly stops global warming. Jack Bauer sleeps with the lights on - because the dark is afraid of Jack Bauer. And what does CTU decide to do after the Chicoms kidnap him at the end of last season? What anyone else would do when the person in question has saved the world five times - they let him ROT for 20 months. And then, when they do get around to bringing him back, they've only done it to give him to some OTHER mortal enemy who wants America dead. (Starting with Jack.) NOT ONLY THIS, but they also give the Mortal Enemy access to all our satellites and communications frequencies.

Who wrote this episode, Harold Pinter?

Mind you - this would be like the Patriots losing Tom Brady in free agency, waiting two seasons for their entire team to fall apart, and then trading away their only four remaining good players to get him back - only to then trade him away again, with draft picks, for a punter. Maybe Bill Belichick should run CTU, because nobody else can.

Naturally, they do this and then don't plan some sort of contingency so they can track the other guy, too. I mean, why on earth wouldn't you trust a shady Islamofascist who wants to kill your best operative? And then, after Jack escapes anyway (because people pass out from his badassedness, leaving the coast clear), nobody thinks to say - ok, we left him here, he showed up there an hour later, and the other guy had him for half of that hour. They can't use all of that to maybe get within the general neighborhood and start searching?

There's more, and some of it involves spoilers, but let's just say that there was a great deal of coming up small in a big situation in those three hours - including the dad of the neighbors (you know the guy, the half-fading white afro candy ass) who decides to drive away and do the kid terrorist's bidding. Nobody owns a gun? You can't drive away, park, walk back and cap the kid? "I'll kill your family if I see anyone else," he says, but the genius is sitting WITH HIS BACK TO THE LIVING ROOM WINDOW.

If all else fails, drive off, call the cops, and then double back around and plow through the damned window with your damned car. It's hard for Kid Idiot to shoot people when he's changing your oil the hard way. And then, guess what? You have the address for the drop, the last phone number the kid dialed, and ample time to get Jack Bauer on line two. (I'd aim for Bauer directly, mind you, and not go through channels - they'd arrest you and blow up your house.)

Instead, the candy afro guy decides to go ahead with what Kid Idiot wants, to the point of killing another guy INSTEAD OF THE TERRORIST. And don't say that Kid Idiot had a gun - so did the guy he killed. It didn't stop Candy Afro from rushing him.

Of course, the only guy who has a clue is the jackass neighbor who is obviously an eeeeevil Islamophobe - and who gets whacked for his jackassery. Naturally, the crusading good guy of the hour is the lady who preaches to the FBI about how everything they do is illegal, then the moment they show up with an actual warrant from a real judge (with a gavel and everything), she destroys the files they've requested. And lectures them more.

Not that she wasn't enabled. Ol' Tom Paris there knows that she's a preachy little holier-than-thou, but he and both his agents leave her alone after serving the warrant. I thought that they were there primarily to keep an eye on her while he did the search - but NOPE. Brilliant move, Kasparov. (The only guy with the huevos to actually call BS on her is the Islamic guy who was arrested with her - and BTW, that was HER FAULT because he had nothing to do with it.)

I could go on...but then again, I couldn't. Really. I bailed after the third hour. They were all just too stupid. God, I hope that's not a realistic portrayal, because if it is, we may all have to move to Iceland or something.

In Church Last Sunday

I was listening to my pastor's message when he said, "Turn to Luke Chapter 24".

I suddenly thought, "24?"

The "Hush Rush" Bill

I'd take this seriously except for the fact that Dennis Kucinich is a barking lunatic.

Over the weekend, the National Conference for Media Reform was held in Memphis, TN, with a number of notable speakers on hand for the event. Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-OH) made an surprise appearance at the convention to announce that he would be heading up a new House subcommittee which will focus on issues surrounding the Federal Communications Commission.

The Presidential candidate said that the committee would be holding "hearings to push media reform right at the center of Washington.” The Domestic Policy Subcommittee of the House Government Reform Committee was to be officially announced this week in Washington, D.C., but Kucinich opted to make the news public early.

In addition to media ownership, the committee is expected to focus its attention on issues such as net neutrality and major telecommunications mergers. Also in consideration is the "Fairness Doctrine," which required broadcasters to present controversial topics in a fair and honest manner. It was enforced until it was eliminated in 1987.

This description of the Fairness Doctrine in the above paragraph is inaccurate, and written by someone who wants to see its return.

The Fairness Doctrine was a presidential executive order which required broadcasters to give equal air time to both sides of a controversial issue. Most broadcasters avoided this by making sure that their programming was as boring as life itself.

The AM radio band was saved by two events:

1) In 1987 Ronaldus Magnus repealed the Fairness Doctrine.

2) In August of the next year, a former front office employee of the Kansas City Royals named Rush Hudson Limbaugh III started a nationally sindicated radio talk show from WABC 770-AM in New York City.

And the rest they say, is history.

Here comes the neighborhood

I think I share a widespread feeling when I see this billboard and say, "Aw, hells NO."

Don't you just cringe thinking about the entertainment part of the Village?

I'm told that it used to be a huge field of sunflowers; no doubt, there were odd symbols carved into the flowers, because it was ALIENS! And now there will be fashionable shops, recreation, and dining - with dead people. You can buy anything, all on sale - but it's CURSED! (What a twist!)

Seriously, this just kills me. I have about forty jokes here.

Programming Note

Hi all - will be back with something tonight. Thanks for being patient, and for your well-wishes.

Read it First

Is this guy aware of the irony?

A Caney Creek High School dad is fired up because the Conroe Independent School District uses the book "Fahrenheit 451" as classroom reading material.

Alton Verm, of Conroe, objects to the language and content in the book. His 15-year-old daughter Diana, a CCHS sophomore, came to him Sept. 21 with her reservations about reading the book because of its language."The book had a bunch of very bad language in it," Diana Verm said. "It shouldn't be in there because it's offending people. ... If they can't find a book that uses clean words, they shouldn't have a book at all."Alton Verm filed a "Request for Reconsideration of Instructional Materials" Thursday with the district regarding "Fahrenheit 451," written by Ray Bradbury and published in 1953. He wants the district to remove the book from the curriculum.

A lot of these classroom issues with books are legit, with parents concerned that the school is making their kids read porn. but to remove from the classroom a book about banning books....

Hat tip to my friend Tim Roth, who actually found this in a paper newspaper.

Pace en requiem

This post has been temporarily removed.

Still playing catch-up

My next stop was good ol' FJM. They had a lot of fun while I was away, particularly with Jon Heyman. (It's a fun piñata to smack at, especially since Skip Bayless isn't writing for Page 2 any more.)

This post was the one that got my eye, though. (Warning - like many FJM posts, there's a language alert.) Scott Brosius for the Hall of Fame? Because he had a few good postseason games?

Let's just contrast this case with another fellow who had a few great postseason games - a guy name of James Lamar Rhodes.

Back in '54, Rhodes' New York (baseball) Giants were facing down the vaunted Cleveland Indians - winners of 111 games, whose top three starters were Bob Feller-Bob Lemon-Early Wynn (each of them are in the Hall of Fame). Rhodes was a pinch-hitting specialist who'd hit .341 that year, slugging nearly .700 in his limited at-bats. His Series line against the great Indians: 3 games, 4-6, 2 hr-7 bi. His 3-run homer won Game One, far more famous for Willie Mays' over-the-shoulder catch of Vic Wertz' 500-foot fly ball.

He didn't last long after that - Dusty Rhodes (as he is better-known) was never able to amass even 250 at-bats in a single season, and was out of baseball by the age of 32. In that respect, Brosius had far the better career. And even so, his "most similar players" are guys like Mike Pagliarulo and Ed Sprague. This is not a career that admits one into the Hall of Fame, even if a few of his brightest moments may warrant mentioning.

I'm beginning to appreciate the Sports Guy's view that Cooperstown is just as valuable as a museum than as a Hall of Fame, and the whole of the story ought to be told, good and bad. I am not in favor of Mark McGwire's candidacy, for example, primarily because the guy was essentially Dave Kingman until the andro, an oft-injured power hitter good for .230, 35 dingers, and 120 whiffs per year. But the SG has a point - if you put him in, put all of that right on the plaque and let the visitors decide whether he was a cheater or a lovable Bunyan.

Laissez les mal temps roulez

Via the Swilling:

NEW ORLEANS (AP) — Days after the police chief said he believed his department was bringing murders under control in New Orleans, the city logged at least five killings in 14 hours.

"At least," because there was a sixth murder, a woman "whose body showed trauma but whose death had not been classified." So, why do I say murder in her case?

The unclassified death was that of a woman whose body was found wrapped in a rug in the Lower Ninth Ward. [emphasis mine - nf]

Those who come by their deaths naturally are not stashed in rugs and dumped out for the neighbors to find.

This whole "under control" thing doesn't even stand up to basic math. The article states that 161 people were murdered in the city in 2006 - a total of 53 in the final three months. Lessee... that's a rate of 212 per annum, which means that the rate shot up in the final quarter. What is your conclusion?

A - new initiatives have brought the problem under control in recent months.
B - new initiatives have done diddly-spit.

If you said B, you are better at math than Superintendant Walter Riley, who went with A on Monday, and then left police spokesman Bambi Hall to give the numbers from October to December the very next day.

Granted that fourteen hours is a small sample size for the New Year. You may prefer the numbers from full years instead: a murder rate that topped the nation's cities in 2002 and 2003; from a total of 159 homicides in 1999, to 265 in 2004. Only 210 in 2005, most likely because Katrina emptied the place out to end the year and brought a lot of attention to those remaining, making it more difficult to slay one's neighbors. Still - more in 2006 with half of a city they had seven years previous?

It starts from the top, kids:


No doubt he's handing out free chocolate milk to symbolize his deeply-held principles.

Cook Cars, Not Pigs!

You have GOT to be kidding me.

A French court ruled Tuesday that an organization with far-right links can continue offering pork soup to the homeless, rejecting police complaints that the food distribution was racist.
Police banned the soup kitchen last month, arguing that the handouts discriminated against Jews and Muslims who do not eat pork on religious grounds.

Lemme get my little brain round this... if someone actually went about dragging Jews and Muslims into this building by force for a little appetizer, they could be arrested (and rightly so)*. BUT, they don't do that. People are free to walk away and eat elsewhere. Even if they're not Muslim or Jewish.

The mayor of Paris condemned the ruling and urged the police to appeal the ruling.
"Faced by this initiative which stinks of xenophobia, I want once again to express city hall's desire to fight all forms of discrimination, racism and anti-Semitism," mayor Bertrand Delanoe said in a statement.

It would be nice if that attitude included fighting actual incidents of anti-Semitism, such as synagogue vandalism, assault, and the stray "sh***y little country" comment. Then again, when the mayor of Paris essentially tells the police to be a law unto themselves and disobey the courts, it's probably not surprising that the citizens themselves fail to act lawfully.

* could be, but in France, probably not actually arrested.
** w/t to It Comes In Pints - who kindly quoted me alongside the King of the FFO Threads. Shucks, folks, I'm speechless...

Melting! Melllltinnnng!

Not surprising, either. If you don't post for a while, your readers begin to melt away.

Well, I'm back. Later today I can tell you of adventures from Points South of Here. For right now, I'm just glad to be in the regular swing of things. I even enjoy work. Truth be told, I've always liked my job, but this is more of a visceral digging into it. I'm relishing work. (And a great turkey pot pie, at least for the next 45 minutes.)

The first adventure I had in Points South is discovering that Points South have terrible internet connections. My mom's computer is two steps above a lit cinder block in the technological chain. As a result I really have some catching up to do with all y'all. Hope your Christmas was merry (white, where applicable) and your New Year happy!

Dirty Dealings in Durham

Innocent is such a strong word. The Duke lacrosse team was already under double-secret probation for Animal House activities like underage drinking before the incident. While there are no James Hogans, Isaac Arhins, Walter Grays or Tim Bonners amongst these chuckleheads it is becoming more evident that the accused are not guilty of the crimes in which they are charged. And at the moment it is not against the law to be a chucklehead.

This column is a pretty good summary of how we got here. The most recent news is that the North Carolina Bar Association is filing ethics charges against DA Nilfong and it is apparent that after all charges are dropped and he gets sued by the chuckleheads Mr. Nilfong will be amongst the unemployed.

The case is now unraveling so rapidly as to be ridiculed on "Saturday Night Live." Mr. Nifong is on his way to being disbarred, unless North Carolina's legal establishment wants to be held up to national scorn. He faces lawsuits and at least a remote risk of federal criminal investigation. As for Durham's black leaders, and many in the media, and much of Duke's faculty, history will mark them down as enablers of abusive, dishonest law enforcement tactics. They will share responsibility for the continued use of such tactics, mainly against black people, after the Duke lacrosse players' innocence has become manifest to all serious people and the spotlight has moved on.

We are all moving to Florida

New Jersey is projected to lose a seat in Congress in the next (2010) census because of population loss:

While some of the people leaving New Jersey are undoubtedly Baby Boomers aging into retirement, Hughes said New Jersey is no different from other states in this regard. A more likely culprit is the area's high cost of living, and its impact on the job market, he said.

"In the 1990s, we had the comfortable notion that we had a unique labor force, and the new Information Age jobs were willing to pay the high cost of staying here," he said. "But what we've seen so far in this decade is that the information economy jobs are stagnating in the Northeast but growing at higher rates in the Sun Belt."

New Jersey is not alone in facing this problem and its effect in Washington. If the population pattern holds, New York will lose two House seats and Pennsylvania will lose one and possibly another.

Sure, the weather's great down here, but there's another reason. "High cost of staying here" actually means "getting the meshuggah taxed out of you". That is why all these pro athletes live down here. Two things that Rush Limbaugh, Tiger Woods and I have in common is that we live in Florida and pay no state income tax.

Dispatch from the cave

Yeah, even caves have wifi now. But other than comments I haven't been out much - here or real life. I needed a little retreat before the grand Christmas Expidition. (This year's World Tour has four stops from the 24th through New Year's Eve. I may have t-shirts done up.)

So, it's only fitting that I missed the results of the Weblog Awards when they came out. I did, however, manage to vote in them, and it's my pleasure to point out a few of the worthy winners here:

• Individual Blog - James Lileks, "The Bleat" - the man is Pantheon, I tell you.
• Military Blog - Blackfive. Well-earned.
• Law Blog - The Volokh Conspiracy
• Latino/Caribbean/South American - Babalu - way to go, Val!
• #1751-2500 (in the TTLB ranks) - Parkway Rest Stop - Jim is a veteran of the Carnival of Jersey Bloggers; it's good times to see him hit big.
• #5001-6750 - File it Under - Hoodlumman and company can now truly boast of having bested 1749 other blogs to win their category.

Not that all things were rosy. Willisms finished fifth in their category, which is a shame - I mean, dig this research and tell me that the man isn't worth his salt. Worst of all, the 2996 Project finished dead last in their category. Granted that it wasn't a blog in the traditional sense, but more akin to a Carnival - so in that case, couldn't it be singled out for a special mention, or put in a Best Carnvial Category? I won't speak for anyone else, but it was the best thing I've ever been associated with online.

And seriously - DIG THIS RESEARCH.

Dar al Islam, Dar al Harb

Rod Dreher, an editorial page writer for the Dallas Morning News, confessing in his blog that he is resisting coming to the conclusion that America must separate itself from Islam to survive. And Muslim activists aren't helping:

What I keep seeing from these meetings is an attempt -- a sincere attempt -- to mau-mau the media into ignoring disturbing things going on in the American Muslim community. By all means we should cover the good stuff. The group the other day kept making the point, "You focus on the few bad things, and ignore all the good things." But charitable works don't somehow make it okay to include hate literature against Christians and Jews in your mosque, and certainly don't make it un-newsworthy. Being kind to others doesn't obviate concerns over what kind of fanatical jihad literature you're teaching to your teenagers. I do believe that most of the American media are unwilling to give this kind of thing the scrutiny it deserves. I'm pleased that my editorial board does not give them a free pass, and is not willing to turn a blind eye to this sort of thing -- even though it does cast into doubt the idea that Islam can be assimilated into American life.

I can attest that no one in the Tampa Bay media has die Kuglen to challenge Muslim activists in this way.

There is hope for me

Because my brain cells may come back:

LONDON (Reuters) - Excessive drinking can damage brain cells but the brain can repair some of the harm, a team of international researchers said on Monday.
But they warned alcoholics should get sober as quickly as possible because the longer they continue to drink heavily, the less likely their brains will be able to regenerate.

Emily made me

After all, it is Musical Monday - so these comments spurred me on to finish a little something something I'd been cooking up.

Wash away my troubles
Wash away my pain
Going to the movie hall

Wash away my money
Wash away my brain
At a film by Shyamalan

Awooooh, yeah
Hey hey hey hey hey

Everything is spooky
Everything is strange
In a film by Shyamalan

All the acting's sluggish
All the writing's lame
In a film by Shyamalan

Awooooh, yeah
(Ain't that a spooky sound)
Awooooh, yeah
(Must be something profound)

Transparent plot twists in a film by Shyamalan
Ham-handed edits in a film by Shyamalan

I can tell a ghost
By the color on the screen
In a film by Shyamalan

I can see the twist
By the end of the third scene
In a film by Shyamalan

Awooooh, yeah
Hey hey hey hey hey

Why do they greenlight all these films by Shyamalan?
Aliens, ghosts, and crooks in the films of Shyamalan
Everything's skin-deep in a film by Shyamalan
Hope I don't fall asleep at the film by Shyamalan

Awooooh, yeah
Hey hey hey hey hey...

Holiday tag

The Boy Named Sous has passed it along, and I'm in the holiday spirit, so off I go.

1. Egg nog or hot chocolate?
I can only nog at Chirstmastime. Hot chocolate is a more common treat, but around the holidays I stir it with a peppermint stick or a candy cane.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
"Santa" went on all-night wrapping binges in our family; when the eldest elf (your truly) passed the point where he knew what was up, he pitched in.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?
Colored lights on the tree. I don't remember putting up lights on the house all that often; we used to have the old-style humongous bulbs that could survive a smack with a hammer. It got to the point where we couldn't replace them when they burned out so the house went without. However, one thing I will insist on in Casa Nightfly is uniform outdoor lighting - it looks so ghetto when one bush is white, one is multi, and each awning is done in a different solid color, only one of which blinks.

4. Do you hang mistletoe?
Now that I have a reason.

5. When do you put your decorations up?
Mom's side of the family tends to toss them up early December, as did we; my Dad's side will wait. Ladybug's family is somewhere in between. The common thread is that it's a family event, and everyone decks the halls together. We made up for the lack of outdoor lighting by festooning everything inside - garland along the hallway, a large card display, tree front and center in the living room.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)?
We go for the seven fish feast on Dad's side, which makes it hard to pick. I always enjoy Mom's lasagna, too, and of course we had it every Christmas.

7. Favorite holiday memory as a child:
Going downtown and seeing all the various shops getting ready for Christmas. Few if any were a destination for holiday shopping - the Minuteman Press, the bank, a small C-Town, the bakery, a pizzeria - but all got into the spirit, and of course some of the buildings had apartments above with lights twinkling from their windows.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
Gradually, I guess. I don't remember any classmates blurting. My brother and sister are much younger than I, so after I got the memo I had to conspire with our parents to keep the dream alive for them. In both my family and Ladybug's there is still the occasional gift from Santa left under the tree.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
Actually, Dad's side of the family opens them all shortly after midnight. Mom's side (the way we usually did it growing up) waits until the day, as does my fiancee. As a result, we get to go north to my cousins, open a small batch there, and then come home for more in the morning.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree?
Same as Brian, actually - lights, garland, ornaments. We have some traditional bulbs and things that have been around since before I was born, and a nativity set that possibly predates my Mom. These things are very old, all made in Italy, and not easily replaced now. Then there's stuff that we kids made that go onto the tree.

11. Snow! Love it or dread it?
Love it. Here in Jersey it usually doesn't happen until mid-to-late January; we almost never actually have snow on the day.

12. Do you ice skate?
Shame of shames - Goalie Boy has actually never tried to ice skate. I fall down a lot on roller blades and have been a little gun-shy about stepping up in class, though my friends all say it's actually easier than roller skating. Someday I plan to spend the money on a season in Hockey North America's beginner level, where they teach you what you're doing before turning you loose.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
I don't remember the gifts so much as the Christmas back on Long Island where the heat failed. We had a kerosene heater for the living room and a small electric space heater for the bathroom. Everyone pretty much took turns opening stuff in the loo and then coming out for hugs and thank-yous. It was a lot of fun.

14. What's the most important thing about the holidays for you?
The whole package adds up for me - seeing my family is best, especially those in Florida, but I enjoy the fun of hunting down that perfect gift for my loved ones, the weather as it starts to turn, the decorations... I'm a Christmas junkie.

15. What is your favorite holiday dessert?
Mom's homemade cream puffs, the moreso because she went about fifteen years without making them. (I'm still working on a delivery system to the panhandle, btw...)

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
The long drive down to Florida to see my family - it's a new thing, but quite fun, especially trading greetings with all the folks I meet on the way. A little holiday adventure never hurts.

17. What tops your tree?
A star.

18. Which do you prefer, giving or receiving?
Giving. I love seeing people's faces light up when they really like their gift. When I was little I confess it was the other way around, and it wasn't until I had a kid brother that I started to see things the right way round.

19. What is your favorite Christmas song?
We Three Kings, God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, and the original instrumental Sleigh Ride.

20. Candy canes:
As mentioned above, great for stirring cocoa. In fact, answering the question above made me run off to put it into practice. Mmmmm.... minty cocoa.....

21. Favorite Christmas movie?
Miracle on 34th Street.

22. What do you leave for Santa?
I think the first hint to whom I was actually leaving things was leaving coffee exactly the way Dad liked it, along with cookies with a lot of icing (which my folks knew that I wouldn't eat).

So - I'm supposed to also tag some other folk to answer. It's not my usual practice - but again, it's the holidays, and it's all about sharing! Sheila, Tracey, and the Barking Spider - you're on.

Kerry On, Wayward Son

This post is second hearsay, from Matt at Blackfive via NRO's The Corner.

This reminds me of Hillary's trip to Iraq, from her photo with a G.I. (who is giving the "duress" sign) to the naming of her helicopter "Broomstick One".

Be advised, this is not a news story but a blogpost. After your read it you will know why I couldn't resist.

Friday, December 15, 2006
Jon Carey in Irak [Kathryn Jean Lopez]
Via Matt at Blackfive :

RE: Reception of John Kerry by troops in Iraq.Usually, the way it works is that (1) either a combat commander plays host for the visiting politician or (2) they find a bunch of troops from Massachusetts and make them hang out with Kerry at the Palace (Hillary does that). One of my Army buddies, a lieutenant colonel in MNF HQ, said this about the meeting planning the glorious return of John Kerry to Iraq:

Hey, I just came from a meeting where they were trying to get some commander, any commander, in the Green Zone, to host Jawn Carri.

Swear to God, the CG is saying, "You can't tell me you ALL have things going on at that time! Come on!"

So, it appears that JF'nK will be coming to the Palace at the Embassy Annex and sitting around sucking up coffee at the Green Bean while we all try to ignore him.

Me, I'm gonna get a picture with him.When he says commanders, he's talking about Colonels. I deleted his next sentence. It's not for folks of gentle persuasions. Let's just say he's not going to wash his hands before meeting the Senator.

Richard Cory

WHENEVER Richard Cory went down town,
We people on the pavement looked at him:
He was a gentleman from sole to crown,
Clean favored, and imperially slim.

And he was always quietly arrayed,
And he was always human when he talked;
But still he fluttered pulses when he said,
"Good-morning," and he glittered when he walked.

And he was rich—yes, richer than a king,
And admirably schooled in every grace:
In fine, we thought that he was everything
To make us wish that we were in his place.

So on we worked, and waited for the light,
And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet through his head.

-Edwin Arlington Robinson (1869-1935)

Student Commits Suicide at Pennsylvania School:

ERDENHEIM, Pa. (AP) -- After pledging to improve his falling grades, Shane Halligan ate breakfast with his family, went off to school, and took his own life.

The 11th-grader was an Eagle scout and volunteer firefighter who planned a career in the military. But the poor grades he brought home on his report card Monday led his parents to warn him to focus on school.

"The picture that's emerging is he was despondent over (the fact) his grades are down, his parents are taking appropriate steps to limit extracurricular activities to get the grades up, and he saw the things that he felt were important in his life being taken from him," Montgomery County District Attorney Bruce L. Castor said.

We'll try to do this once a week

The following is a project I’ve decided on to keep my brain sharp and to give me a fun sideline whenever I tire of wrestling with the Mother Of Unfinishable Stories. It’s simple – I have a hockey simulator that duplicates the experience of a general manager. It’s mega-detailed, with literally scores of minor leagues, all the way down to high school level. You don’t actually play the games like in the NHL series, and you don’t even have to coach the team in games. You just worry about running the front office, with all that it implies. It’s up to you to put together the team and pay it. You wield an army of scouts and handle the draft based on their recommendations; negotiate the contracts; you can even reprimand or fine players for mouthing off to the press or dogging it during games. You can complain to the league office about the referee of your last game, if you want to (though they may fine you). Put it this way – you don’t have to know the NHL collective bargaining agreement to play, but it helps.

Anyway, it took three fake years, but my club (the Florida Panthers) won the last Stanley Cup. As often happens in real life, the faux Panthers have given total access to a humble beat writer (heheheheh) to tell the story of how a simulated sports franchise handles a season as the defending champion.. So here I go – it will be in serial form, so I won’t be going back to revise or edit large sections as I would if it were a “book.” What you get is what you get, as I simulate it day to day. Of course, any “predicting” that occurs about player movement and such is likely to be strangely accurate, but since I don’t have actual players and staff to interview, I have to make up for it somehow.

And, just so everyone’s clear – unless we're talking about a future draftee, anyone appearing in a North American pro league is represented by name in this game, from mortal-lock Hall of Famers to that sixth-round pick last year who had two games in the ECHL. This includes staff and coaches. Even the trainers of the Florida Panthers are accurately identified. Obviously any “quoting” of such will be fictional; the events will be “accurate” in that they actually happened in the simulator. Nobody sue me, OK?

Chapter One is below. Enjoy!

Chapter 01

Silver chalice: $48.67
Thirty-five pound base: market price, updated every 13 years
Professional sports franchise: $43,375,500
Custom engraving: priceless.

There’s a trick to running a sports franchise, part science and part alchemy; which is as much as to say, you’re always a genius until you aren’t anymore. Currently, the Florida Panthers are run by a genius named Mike Beginner. [OK – really. That’s the name I used for the game. Again – don’t sue me. –NF]

He started in life as a goaltender on Long Island, dreaming of a chance to represent his hometown team in the National Hockey League. It didn’t work out quite as he’d hoped. Playing hockey on roller skates doesn’t translate well, and he couldn’t earn a scholarship to a Division I school, and couldn’t afford the tuition to attend one and then walk on.

Plan B has worked out quite well so far; but on this day, the “genius” feels rather at a loss. He is sitting at a makeshift desk in the chilly bowl of Philadelphia’s Wachovia Center, three weeks after the Florida Panthers claimed their first-ever Stanley Cup. With him are the assistant General Manager, David Thomas, and the head coach, Jacques Martin. On the other end of Beginner’s cel phone is his head scout, Darwin Bennett. Surrounding them are myriads of chiming phones and faxes, the glow of laptop computers, and the personnel of the other 29 NHL teams debating their picks in the 2009 NHL Entry Draft.

The Panther’s next draft choice will be the 41st overall. Thomas and Bennett are leaning towards defenseman Gabriel O’Connor, a player they’ve favored for several weeks as the team’s scouting picked up steam; Martin, finally freed to consider the future after nearly ten months of day-to-day preparations, is more of a fan of winger Kellan Tochkin.

Beginner’s choice is Maickol DeLuca, a rough-and-tumble winger unearthed by scout Mike Yandle on a swing through Europe; recommended as a strong two-way forward much in the mold of current Panthers stalwart Nathan Horton. Beginner is trying to solve a problem that won’t happen for five years – Horton, Anthony Stewart, Kenndal McArdle, and Michael Frolík will be their top four wingers, as long as he can figure out a way to pay everyone. He’s looking for someone who will be willing to do the unglamorous third-line work, a player with the necessary speed and love of physical play to mark the opponent’s best scorers, not worrying about their own goal-scoring numbers. Given that he’ll be on the hook for at least $12 million per year for the other four, he won’t be able to simply sign a proven free-agent for the job. It has to happen from within the organization. The four players already mentioned were all first-round Panthers selections over the past decade, as were center Stephen Weiss and defenseman Jay Bouwmeester.

There is little time remaining for the debate. Seven minutes ago, the New York Islanders took centerman Alexander Lechenne with their own pick, putting the Ottawa Senators on the clock. They took barely any time of their own before making their own selection: with the tenth pick of the second round (40th overall), forward Aiden Harris of the Barrie Colts. Beginner shrugs to himself. If O’Connor had come off the board he could have pushed DeLuca a little more strongly. Two years prior, he had done so for defenseman Ryan Wilson, now a highly promising player, but it’s not something he does often. “I have to trust the people I’m working with,” he confides later that day. “If not, they can’t trust me and they won’t be able to do their jobs.” Besides, he also recalls the 2005 draft, when then-GM Mike Keenan bowed to his own assistants and chose McArdle. He’d not been a fan of the choice at the time, but was impressed by Keenan’s willingness to be persuaded, a quality that few in the press would credit given the popular image of Keenan as a martinet and taskmaster in his previous NHL jobs.

Current-GM Beginner kept it in mind even as McArdle shuffled back and forth to the AHL affiliate in Rochester for the next two seasons; even as he posted a horrible five points in forty-two games in 2007-08 and suffered a beating in the local press. Beginner thought about it when no fewer than five teams inquired to his availability in trades over the years. He decided to be persuaded as well by Rochester’s head coach, Randy Cunneyworth, an NHLer himself and one of McArdle’s warmest advocates in the organization. He turned down four of the deals and convinced the fifth team, Edmonton, to accept instead another former first-rounder, Rostislav Olesz, who had been so badly dismayed by the retirement of center Joe Nieuwendyk in 2006.

McArdle eventually repaid the patience by posting 26 goals and 24 assists in 54 games during the recently-concluded season, and adding 23 more points in the Stanley Cup run. Even as Horton’s development into a top-flight player meant that Todd Bertuzzi could be traded, so McArdle’s progress marks current starter Paul Kariya as a valuable bargaining piece. It’s long odds that his five million per year salary will fall to the Panthers once the new season starts on October 5th, against the same Flyers whose home arena plays host to the current crisis.

Finally, with time winding down, Thomas asks, “What do you think?”

“I think that whatever we don’t already have on the blueline, we can get when we deal Paul,” Beginner replies carefully. “We already have Wurzer. We won’t be able to take DeLuca later, but there are still good defenders we can have at sixty.”

“We can’t afford Paul,” Thomas replies. “Obviously we can’t afford a player of equal value coming back. And we don’t really have leverage because everyone knows it. We can’t play him until the deadline and wait for someone to really knock us dead with an offer.”

Bennett, who expected O’Connor to be gone in the first round, agrees. Mario Wurzer, the Panthers’ first round pick (30th overall), was also expected to be a higher choice, but the first round had been dominated by forwards, starting with the consensus #1, center John Tavares of Belleville, a teammate of Florida’s own Bryan Cameron (2nd round, 2007). Beginner, in fact, had already filled out a card with the name of centerman Leo Riddell of the Guelph Storm, and then sat amazed as the seven teams before them had also all gone with forwards – not only leaving them the talented puck-moving defenseman from Austira, but Riddell as well. The Panthers simply handed in a new card with Wurzer on it to end the first round, and then handed in Riddell’s card to begin the second, as they held Toronto’s pick as well as their own.

But now comes the troublesome 41st pick, originally Vancouver’s, which wound up in their hands via the Detroit Red Wings in exchange for Branislav Mezei. These were the tough choices. “Anyone can write Jay Bouwmeester’s name on a card,” Beginner had remarked a week prior. “The only hard part is hoping that you don’t hear your guy’s name before it’s your turn.”

As a last check, Beginner called Yandle, who clinched it. “If O’Connor’s still there, I’d wait on DeLuca. Besides, there’s also Gilodi.” That was Samuel Gilodi, a 6-foot-6 defense prospect and teammate of DeLuca’s that Yandle had recommended as a sleeper. Rated only 175th in the draft, Gilodi figured to be there even if DeLuca was not.

“If we get Gilodi, I don’t see what we do with him, Wurzer, and O’Connor,” Beginner says. But in the end, he yields and Gabriel O’Connor of Halifax becomes the latest draftee of the defending champion Florida Panthers.

Three picks later, the shrewd Lou Lamoriello takes DeLuca for the New Jersey Devils, and at #57, the Red Wings startle everyone by grabbing up Gilodi. Perhaps they hope that Mezei, himself 6’ 5”, can help mentor the youngster, but in any case, the diamond in the rough has been dug up right under the Panthers’ noses. Sometimes, you clench your teeth and your guy’s name comes out in spite of it all. But Jacques Martin at least gets a consolation prize. With the final pick of the second round (60th overall), Beginner takes Tochkin.

At Least Mel Was Drunk....

... but Jew-hating Jimmah is stone cold sober:

Incredibly, given his media presence, Carter thinks that he is being silenced by shadowy forces. He makes this bizarre claim: “My most troubling experience has been the rejection of my offers to speak, for free, about the book on university campuses with high Jewish enrollment.” Does Carter keep track of which schools have lots of Jews? And who does he think is keeping him from speaking at them?

You've got to read the whole thing.

Ted Haggard, call your office!

Another one bites the dust:

In a tearful videotaped message Sunday to his congregation, the senior pastor of a thriving evangelical megachurch in south metro Denver confessed to sexual relations with other men and announced he had voluntarily resigned his pulpit.

A month ago, the Rev. Paul Barnes of Grace Chapel in Doug las County preached to his 2,100-member congregation about integrity and grace in the aftermath of the Ted Haggard drugs-and-gay-sex scandal.

Now, the 54-year-old Barnes joins Haggard as a fallen evangelical minister who preached that homosexuality was a sin but grappled with a hidden life.

"I have struggled with homosexuality since I was a 5-year-old boy," Barnes said in the 32- minute video, which church leaders permitted The Denver Post to view. "... I can't tell you the number of nights I have cried myself to sleep, begging God to take this away."

I am surprised that the Fly has not noted this story and the Haggard tale to those who say that it is celibacy that is the cause of gay Catholic priests.

Long ago, I promised the Fly I would post on the evangelical perspective of the confession of sin. Actually, it will be the evangelical-wino perspective of James 5:16

Main point: Pray for your pastors, be they Catholic or Protestant. It's bad enough that my pastors have to put up with my Pferdkaese, but all pastors doing it right are high-value targets of The Evil One.

Senator Tim Johnson (D-SD)...

..is seriously ill.

I am uncomfortable considering the political ramifications. The GOP getting back the majority via Sen. Johnson becoming ill is like winning the World Series on a bad call by the ump. The GOP didn't earn it.

The idea scenario is for Sen Johnson to recover fully and to lose his seat to the GOP the next time he's up for re-election in 2008.

Tinkering to follow

Busy busy on real-life related activities currently... I may post substance tonight, or maybe just the usual froth, I haven't decided. One thing's for sure, my sidebar is haggis right now. It wants reorganizing. For example, the Invincible Super-Blog, while fun, isn't a "Friend" blog but a Heavy Hitter ("known" bloggers); and sooner or later, I have to go back and start categorizing everything, since the "search Blogger" function is, to put it politely, a three-layer turd cake.

Jeff, is there anything you'd like to see (or stop seeing) while I'm at it?

Of Thee I Sing

There are two Christmas holidays. The Santa and reindeer and tree one, and the shepherds and manger and birth of the Babe. (There is a tree as well, about thirty years later.)

One of the things I enjoy about the Christmas season is getting an opportunity to sing the music of the latter Christmas (c'mon, the REAL Christmas). This week I had two opportunities to sing Christmas carols (with a third to follow).

I am thankful that God allows me do this. He allows me to sing in the church music team even though I can barely read music and can only sing harmony to country music.

I know that positionally I am His child all the time, but the moments that I am singing songs about Him, for Him and to Him are the rare times that I am not a total screw-up.

Am I supposed to feel sorry for this guy?

This guy and Mumia in Philly are an argument for the death penalty...if only to shut them up.

Olympic bomber Eric Rudolph laments in a series of letters to a newspaper that the maximum-security federal prison where he is spending the rest of his life is designed to drive him insane.

"It is a closed-off world designed to isolate inmates from social and environmental stimuli, with the ultimate purpose of causing mental illness and chronic physical conditions such as diabetes, heart disease and arthritis," he wrote in one letter to The Gazette of Colorado Springs.

Rudolph wrote that he spends 23 hours a day in his 7-by-12-foot cell, his only exercise confined to an enclosed area he described as a "large empty swimming pool" divided into "dog-kennel style cages."

"Using solitary confinement, Supermax is designed to inflict as much misery and pain as is constitutionally permissible," he wrote in a letter.

One of Rudolph's victims had no sympathy for him.

"It gives me a great deal of pride to think he's never coming out of there," said Diane Derzis, who runs a Birmingham, Ala., women's clinic Rudolph bombed in 1998. "He should never see daylight again."

newspaper reported in its Sunday editions that it has corresponded by mail with Rudolph for more than a year, and prison officials have refused the paper's request to interview Rudolph.

The Gazette refused Rudolph's request that it publish his writings in their entirety. The newspaper said if it published articles, it would print portions of the letters as long as they were not hate literature or libelous.

Rudolph, an anti-government extremist, pleaded guilty in April 2005 to setting the bomb that killed one person and wounded more than 100 at the 1996 Atlanta Olympics, and three other bombings, including a fatal explosion at a Birmingham clinic.