It's the songs of Neil Diamond, kids! He's been around forevah, y'all. Each contestant will get two songs, and we will somehow cram it into one hour - a worse crush than the round of 24, actually. I wish they'd go to 90 minutes for the next three rounds: ten songs, eight songs, nine songs. That's enough time to actually perform.
Anyway, Jason first. "Forever in Blue Jeans." I like it. He just has a likeable voice and a pleasant manner. He was made to sing songs like this, instead of "Memory." Decent start to the evening.
David Cook has chosen two more obscure songs. The first is "I'm Alive." He's actually channeling Neil's patented "sliding vowel" technique: I'm al-i-aaaaave! High marks for this. He seems to be the only one of the final six or seven who bothered to raise his game.
Ladybug said she would have liked to hear the H.I.M. version of "Solitary Man." She has a total thing for Ville Valo and the band. I'm rather glad he didn't nick the thing, but H.I.M. is a good show - their "Wicked Game" is terrific and their stuff is decently rocking.
Brooke is taking her gee-tar on "I'm a Believer" and saving the piano for "I Am, I Said." I don't like this idea. Alas, it is so - she is doing the Smashmouth version and it is horrid. All I can see is Donkey singing with a gingerbread boy, only nobody likes it. Paula, a big Shrek fan apparently, is still dancing about.
Sign in the crowd: "My Husband Has a Man-Crush on Seacrest." HAHAHAHAHA!
David Archuleta is next - "Sweet Caroline" and "Comin' to America." My threat, however, remains active, depending on how this goes. Unless the rest of Caroline starts to improve, I'm catching a cab, Crown Prince. Finally, he reaches the chorus and picks a key, and sticks to it. What a mess. Still better than Brooke, but well in the rear of the other gents.
Syesha is toiling through "Hello Again." She did get a hug from Neil (awwwww), but crapola, she's Happy Facing. The crowd is doing to slow arm-wave again. Urge to kill.... rising.... Wow, that was over pretty quickly. They are galloping through these tunes. Go to 90 minutes, for pity's sake.
Judges' comments! Yay! Crazy time! Randy is quick, and Paula is completely bonkers. She complained about having no time to take notes. If you weren't doing Drunken Master tai chi during the songs you could do it, Pawler. Simon kills all the contestants, tells them to pick things up for the second song.
Castro, take two: "September Morn." (Two lovahs playin scenes from some romantic pleeeaaaaay!) He hits a couple of rough notes, and there's more stupid tweener arm waving. Regrettably, this is very sleepy. Bad news, Jason. You've got to GO FOR A NOTE, especially when it's Neil's stuff. Sep. Tem. Bah. MOOOOOOAAAAHN! Failing that, you have to make it utterly your own. Poor boy fell between two stools there. Maybe he's sad because Pawler stole all of his herb.
David Cook ("the rocker," according to Ryan) is already moving onto the stage. Gosh, this is like a relay race up there. "All I Really Need is You," and he's singing this awfully sedately for a rocker. Now it goes power ballad for the second half. Not as impressed this time, but still pretty good.
Randy: Blazing.
Paula: Stutter glig bibble blah blah I see the next American Idol.
Simon: brilliant, made it sound like it was written this year.
'fly: This year? Chicago and Journey did fifty power ballads each in the 70's and 80's.
Here he comes, here comes Speed Racer... as done by the Wachoski Brothers. OH NOES.
Brooke's second song. She Is, She Said. She's tinkering with the lyrics per Neil's advice by chaning "New York City born and raised" to "Arizona born and raised." That's fine and good - but then you have to actually change the other stuff to make sense. I mean, "lost between two shores"? Which shore is Arizona on? The Rockies? And "Arizona's home" didn't scan at all. (Besides, she should have changed "No one heard at all, not even the chair." Begging your pardon, Mr. Diamond, but that's one of the all-time "wha?" lyrics.) Folks, this is hella weak. Simon calls it a million times better than the first, but a million times zero is still a really small number. This is a disaster.
Crown Prince closes the show with one-fourth of "Comin' to America." (Got a dream to take'm theaaaaah!) Open your eyes, kid. And stop holding out your hand like you're offering me gum. I do not want gum.
Just expand these rounds to 90 minutes already! This is stupid. They can barely do anything. As it is, 75 seconds per tune is enough to remind me of a song rather than sing it. There's no flow to these at all. Ladybug says that this is atrocious in any case and she's sick of young Archuleta - hates the messages, hates the squinty earnestness, the whole shebang. She defended him to me in the early going, but she's off the reservation.
Oooh, Indy is back. Woo-hoo! It looks like they've got a big set piece in the huge warehouse where the Top. Men. stashed the Ark. Woot! (But I miss Denholm Elliot.)
Syesha thanks the Lord for the Nighttime. The hand claps are fun. I dig the R & B twist. She seemed to get more time up there than the Crown Prince, so it's all good all around.
OK - I am a doofus - I just noticed David Cook 's jacket can be read as an AC/DC reference.
Bottom pair - Brooke and Jason. I hope Jason doesn't go, but it's tough to lead off and his first, decent song was a long while ago. Simon says that Syesha may be in trouble - only five left and all, and he's playing a hunch. Who knows? Well - we do, because it's actually Wednesday night and I have a DVR. Huzzah!
Golly, they got 45 million votes. Group sing is "Cracklin' Rosie." Jason hit his low note - wish that he'd sang this well yesterday. Holy CROW it's David Archuleta between Brooke and Syesha, both fruging. Eeeeek cooties! Poor kid literally has no idea what to do. David Cook's easily the best though. They all do an awkward segue into "Song Sung Blue" (lousy) and then finish with the song I would have done myself, "Brother Love's Travelin' Salvation Show." They give DC the narration, but cut it short, the evildoers. He would have rocked that out. I wancha to reach out that hand to the person next ta ya.... cause that's what it's there foah!
Ryan's in the audience. It's the Glock! And Constantine! They're doing some sort of AI Extra deal on a channel I've never heard of. Ryan asks him to pout at the camera, but he says he's forgotten how. That's OK, Ace is sitting in front of him. Jeepers. Has a camera ever gotten a restraining order against someone before?
Ladybug: Is Constantine still on The Bold and the Beautiful?
'fly: The who to the what now?
Ladybug: It's a soap. He played a rocker named Constantine.
'fly: ...
Ryan is rehabbing Paula's rep and says she won't be fired. Apparently someone's reading the blogs, I KNOW I read somebody earlier this evening who said that she should be replaced. I think that the show needs her, it's nonstop entertainment, and when she buckles down to it, she's actually observant and makes useful comments.
Well, Jason's first, usually a good omen. He has good insight into his struggles: "All the times I've done well, it's a song I really knew or a song I really changed." And he is safe to take his own advice next week. Cool.
Crown Prince next. Safe, of course. This is not sitting well with Ladybug. "His 'America' sucked," she says. And that's why we don't let 13 year olds vote for reals. If David Cook goes home, I will buy that ticket for my wife and let her borrow my stick.
Randy is showing us his Coke Cup - but hiding the bottom completely. Nice. Way to demonstrate the product.
David Cook is out next. Brooke said something just as he went out, and looked really pissy. Sarah's right, she's cracking. Dave thinks about Carly last week and the "kiss of death" since Simon said he was brilliant - but he's safe. Sorry, Orbitz.
So, one of the ladies is Out! I was actually right about something - the guys were stronger than the ladies this time. But I only got one of my four finalists right from my initial prediction: Jason Castro. (Though I took the two Davids as dark horses, I don't consider that a true prediction, taking six cracks at the four spots. That's cheating, y'all, sort of like Peter King's MMQB columns for SI.com. His "Ten Things" lists are always like 38 items because he splits a couple of them into parts A-L or some nonsense.) Lost Mike Johns and Carly back to back, and that was just teh suq - but for them more than me, it's not like I got kicked off the Internet.
Brooke's smile would crack if she pulled her face any tighter. She says she finally kicked back and relaxed this week - UH OH Carly said the same thing about nine seconds before they dropped the anvil on her. And it doesn't show. She seemed much happier during the first five weeks than now. Syesha says that she has trouble picking the songs, but again, it doesn't really show. There are times she may sound overmatched by a song, but she never looks lost out there.
Guest performers - Natasha Beddington, "the lady from the UK taking the US by storm." They zoom in on the guitarist first.
Ladybug: that looks like a dude.
'fly: so does Natasha.
Ladybug: whoa! It's Dominique!
(I love my wife.)
This isn't my preferred form of song but she is really good. David Cook is the only finalist who maybe could hang with her for two or three minutes. It's just a different class altogether. She runs over and hugs David Archuleta (more cooties!), earning death threats from ten million middle schoolers.
Ryan: David wants to take you to the prom.
Natasha: I have a dress - and also a boyfriend.
'fly: So does Ryan! ZING!
Gosh, this is long. Sowry. Good questions though. Mike from Lancaster PA wants to know why Paula is so nice to the contestants. (Even kids notice!) Well, she says someone has to, and that Randy would make a good animated cat. Mike, next time my hockey guys play the Lancaster tournament, show up and we'll toss you a jersey or something. Then Simon's very first beau calls in to ask if she kisses better than Paula. He remembers her name right off the bat - that is very sweet - and then says "It was, what? About 17 years ago?" I don't care what anyone says, Simon is a good-hearted guy. Of course everyone else is mean about it - a rabies shot comment, Paula? What happened to nice? Omarosa called, she wants to meet for lunch. Simon doesn't shoot back, just says, "This was my first crush." Paula, ur pwnd.
The Ford spot is Donovan's "Catch the Wind." Good singing, malarky message deal. Everything is blooming in the finger-snapping magical wake of the Five Idols. GAG. LAdybug says it's like watching a bizarre suburban version of Rent. (I think this is what the hardcore greenies see in their head as actually happening, if only we pass enough laws.)
Now Neil himself is out to sing a new song: "Pretty Amazing Grace." (Look for the B-side - "Our God is a Halfway-Decent God.") Yeah, well, he's still rilly awesome. It's a good song, I'm sorry I snarked the title before listening. Aw, it's his mom! Go Brooklyn! She's adorable.
OK - so finally - who's the goner? Brooke is pre-emptively crying. So is Kristy Lee in the audience. And they're right, Brooke is done. That "Love is a Battlefield" girl is long gone, she even botched her farewell sing-off. And don't ever admit you're "just enjoying yourself now." Kiss of death.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Oh, and an AI preview
I hear tell it's Neil Diamond night - two songs per contestant, ten total.
I'm going to watch with two pages open: this page, and Orbitz. If David Archuleta sings "Turn on Your Heart Light," I am going to buy a ticket to Los Angeles, grab my goalie stick, and head out to the airport.
I'm going to watch with two pages open: this page, and Orbitz. If David Archuleta sings "Turn on Your Heart Light," I am going to buy a ticket to Los Angeles, grab my goalie stick, and head out to the airport.
Bad news
I'm an Islanders fan, so I have a general disdain for the crosstown Rangers. I am truly enjoying their second-round disaster against Pittsburgh. In addition, I have a general disdain for the kind of play that gets announcers saying stuff like "You love him if he's on your team." I'm not talking about hard hits or physical play - it's when you cross the line into cheap shots, jackassery, and agitation.
Sean Avery, of course, is both that kind of player AND a Ranger, so no, I don't care for him much. This, however, is a tough break. It isn't a heart attack as first reported in some media outlets, thank God. In any case Avery has my prayers for a full and speedy recovery.
Sean Avery, of course, is both that kind of player AND a Ranger, so no, I don't care for him much. This, however, is a tough break. It isn't a heart attack as first reported in some media outlets, thank God. In any case Avery has my prayers for a full and speedy recovery.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Hey nineteen
Cullen said that I was tagged, so here I go, somewhat slowly. The rules of the tag:
1. Choose 19 of the songs you like best, regardless of artist or genre.
2. Put them all together in a CD.
3. Make 5 other copies.
4. Post your playlist on your blog.
5. Choose 5 people and send them a copy of your CD each. Send the first copy you made to the one who tagged you.
The thing is, if I took this literally, I'd never actually finish because it's going to take a while to carve out spare time to put 19 songs on a CD, much less actually boil down all the faves to a cohesive list. I tend to have so many favorites that I organize my playlists by genre. Then I have lists that mix genres for variety's sake. It must the same for many people - part of me just wants to take the ol' PC and set it on shuffle, and grab the first 19 songs. Problem with that is that not everything I own is on the PC, and something's going to get left out.
Enough whining about the meme? Good, I agree. To the list, in no particular order.
1. "In the Mood," Ernie Fields and His Orchestra - since the last time Cullen and I pulled a CD swap, I added a few more instrumental compilations, and this is on one of them. I included this mostly because he included the original Glenn Miller version. This is a fun take.
2. "Go Where No One's Gone Before," Billy Preston - from the soundtrack of Licensed By Royalty. I go in for these heavy brass numbers, but I'm working hard not to make this monotonous.
3. "Too Good Too Bad," Seatbelts - one of the hundred awesome songs of Yoko Kanno.
4. "Casino Royale," Herb Alpert - swank and fun; I love the six-note baritone figure in the background of the chorus. Really, almost anything of his could be here.
5. "Proud Mary," Ike and Tina Turner - genius. Does Fogerty even bother to play it?
6. "A Little Less Conversation [JXL Remix]," Elvis Presley - I hope this doesn't make me cliché, because it was everywhere for a while, but I love this thing.
7. "Bold as Love," Jimi Hendrix - it's like a Prince song, fifteen years early.
8. "Archie's Theme," The Anderson Council - local Jersey band. They rock. I hope the new album's out.
9. "Come Home," Back Door Slam - a power blues trio from the Isle of Man, and they rocketh exceeding fine. None of them can yet draw a legal pint in the United States. Someday they will rule the world, especially since they got a recent shout-out in John Buccigross' ESPN.com column.
10. "Starship Trooper," Yes - probably my favorite of all of their stuff, ever.
11. "Rio," Duran Duran - likewise, my favorite of theirs. (True fact - VH-1 once ran a long list of the greatest albums ever, compiled by ranking the five best as given by a variety of musical folk. Simon LeBon's list had "Rio" third. I absolutely love that.) I took time to track down the unedited version since I love the last 45 seconds of this song.
12. "King George Street," Squeeze - I have an admission: the end of this song usually makes me cry. I'm such a sap.
13. "I Can't Get Next to You," The Temptations - ain't it funky now? (Wait, wrong singer.) My college buddy Nick used to joke that if the Temps put out a Christian album, they would have to change their name to The Near Occasions.
14. "Pearl of the Quarter," Steely Dan - I'm a big fan of the band in general, but I love this song from their second album; kind of a country twang they went after very rarely, and it's a sweeter song than Fagen's usual fare.
15. "Your Poppa Don't Mind," Supertramp - early song of theirs, and probably the first time they sounded like the band they were capable of being.
16. "Yomiko About Town," Taku Iwasaki - it's from the Read or Die soundtrack. The main theme is yet another swank spy brass number, but I'm going to resist and give this; it's audio sunshine.
17. "Detroit Swing City," Alien Fashion Show - yes, a remake of the old KISS song, only - you guessed it! - brassier. I'm through resisting.
18. "Love You Inside Out," The Bee Gees - yup, it's official. I love the Brothers Gibb. They really were terrific, and the harmonies! Gracious me.
19. "Everybody is a Star," Sly and the Family Stone - a gorgeous and overlooked song.
Odd, the post title is not in here. I had a built-in gimme and I left it out. Them's the breaks. But I can't leave out Johnny Cash, who is THE MAN, so all y'all get a bonus track - but which song? Heh. Not telling until you see it. (And jeepers, I hope it fits, I have a couple of long plays on here.) Ah, but who gets the CD's (and the tags)? Well, the tag part is up to whomever is listed - I'm not angling for giveaways here. These are the five, however. If you see yourself down here, email me a PO Box or what-have-you for your amazing award; unless, of course, you think my choices are a festering pile of dog snot.
Ken Summers (It Comes in Pints) - the song trivia master. Interested to see what he says.
SarahK - the mistress of snark, Queen of Infidels, and a music lover.
Sheila - her obsessions cover more than just movies. Sorry I couldn't get any Dean Martin on here for you.
Kate P - once classes are over, of course.
The Barking Spider - I can't leave my co-blogger out of the fun, should he wish to participate.
Don't feel badly if you were left out of the great CD Pyramid Scheme of 2008; there were a lot of people I was thinking of that I wish I could have included, but I'll go broke making CD's if I'm not careful.
1. Choose 19 of the songs you like best, regardless of artist or genre.
2. Put them all together in a CD.
3. Make 5 other copies.
4. Post your playlist on your blog.
5. Choose 5 people and send them a copy of your CD each. Send the first copy you made to the one who tagged you.
The thing is, if I took this literally, I'd never actually finish because it's going to take a while to carve out spare time to put 19 songs on a CD, much less actually boil down all the faves to a cohesive list. I tend to have so many favorites that I organize my playlists by genre. Then I have lists that mix genres for variety's sake. It must the same for many people - part of me just wants to take the ol' PC and set it on shuffle, and grab the first 19 songs. Problem with that is that not everything I own is on the PC, and something's going to get left out.
Enough whining about the meme? Good, I agree. To the list, in no particular order.
1. "In the Mood," Ernie Fields and His Orchestra - since the last time Cullen and I pulled a CD swap, I added a few more instrumental compilations, and this is on one of them. I included this mostly because he included the original Glenn Miller version. This is a fun take.
2. "Go Where No One's Gone Before," Billy Preston - from the soundtrack of Licensed By Royalty. I go in for these heavy brass numbers, but I'm working hard not to make this monotonous.
3. "Too Good Too Bad," Seatbelts - one of the hundred awesome songs of Yoko Kanno.
4. "Casino Royale," Herb Alpert - swank and fun; I love the six-note baritone figure in the background of the chorus. Really, almost anything of his could be here.
5. "Proud Mary," Ike and Tina Turner - genius. Does Fogerty even bother to play it?
6. "A Little Less Conversation [JXL Remix]," Elvis Presley - I hope this doesn't make me cliché, because it was everywhere for a while, but I love this thing.
7. "Bold as Love," Jimi Hendrix - it's like a Prince song, fifteen years early.
8. "Archie's Theme," The Anderson Council - local Jersey band. They rock. I hope the new album's out.
9. "Come Home," Back Door Slam - a power blues trio from the Isle of Man, and they rocketh exceeding fine. None of them can yet draw a legal pint in the United States. Someday they will rule the world, especially since they got a recent shout-out in John Buccigross' ESPN.com column.
10. "Starship Trooper," Yes - probably my favorite of all of their stuff, ever.
11. "Rio," Duran Duran - likewise, my favorite of theirs. (True fact - VH-1 once ran a long list of the greatest albums ever, compiled by ranking the five best as given by a variety of musical folk. Simon LeBon's list had "Rio" third. I absolutely love that.) I took time to track down the unedited version since I love the last 45 seconds of this song.
12. "King George Street," Squeeze - I have an admission: the end of this song usually makes me cry. I'm such a sap.
13. "I Can't Get Next to You," The Temptations - ain't it funky now? (Wait, wrong singer.) My college buddy Nick used to joke that if the Temps put out a Christian album, they would have to change their name to The Near Occasions.
14. "Pearl of the Quarter," Steely Dan - I'm a big fan of the band in general, but I love this song from their second album; kind of a country twang they went after very rarely, and it's a sweeter song than Fagen's usual fare.
15. "Your Poppa Don't Mind," Supertramp - early song of theirs, and probably the first time they sounded like the band they were capable of being.
16. "Yomiko About Town," Taku Iwasaki - it's from the Read or Die soundtrack. The main theme is yet another swank spy brass number, but I'm going to resist and give this; it's audio sunshine.
17. "Detroit Swing City," Alien Fashion Show - yes, a remake of the old KISS song, only - you guessed it! - brassier. I'm through resisting.
18. "Love You Inside Out," The Bee Gees - yup, it's official. I love the Brothers Gibb. They really were terrific, and the harmonies! Gracious me.
19. "Everybody is a Star," Sly and the Family Stone - a gorgeous and overlooked song.
Odd, the post title is not in here. I had a built-in gimme and I left it out. Them's the breaks. But I can't leave out Johnny Cash, who is THE MAN, so all y'all get a bonus track - but which song? Heh. Not telling until you see it. (And jeepers, I hope it fits, I have a couple of long plays on here.) Ah, but who gets the CD's (and the tags)? Well, the tag part is up to whomever is listed - I'm not angling for giveaways here. These are the five, however. If you see yourself down here, email me a PO Box or what-have-you for your amazing award; unless, of course, you think my choices are a festering pile of dog snot.
Ken Summers (It Comes in Pints) - the song trivia master. Interested to see what he says.
SarahK - the mistress of snark, Queen of Infidels, and a music lover.
Sheila - her obsessions cover more than just movies. Sorry I couldn't get any Dean Martin on here for you.
Kate P - once classes are over, of course.
The Barking Spider - I can't leave my co-blogger out of the fun, should he wish to participate.
Don't feel badly if you were left out of the great CD Pyramid Scheme of 2008; there were a lot of people I was thinking of that I wish I could have included, but I'll go broke making CD's if I'm not careful.
The Weight of Incarceration
Inmate withering away on jail food
Broderick Lloyd Laswell has dropped more than 100 pounds since September, but you won't see him on Biggest Loser, and it's not part of a successful health plan. In fact, he's not even happy about it. Laswell weighed 413 pounds when he was arrested in September on murder charges in Bentonville, Ark. He's down to 308 and is filing a lawsuit. "The only reason we lost weight in here is because we are literally being starved to death," he said. Capt. Hunter Petray told the Morning News of northwest Arkansas that inmates are fed a 3,000-calorie-per-day diet, which is above average, though probably less than someone clocking in at four-bills is used to. "About an hour after each meal my stomach starts to hurt and growl," Laswell says in his complaint. "I feel hungry again." Jailers are on watch so that Laswell does not escape by sneaking through the cell bars.
This guy went into the slammer at twice my size. Stomach hurting and growling an hour after each meal? I'm down with you bro.
Broderick Lloyd Laswell has dropped more than 100 pounds since September, but you won't see him on Biggest Loser, and it's not part of a successful health plan. In fact, he's not even happy about it. Laswell weighed 413 pounds when he was arrested in September on murder charges in Bentonville, Ark. He's down to 308 and is filing a lawsuit. "The only reason we lost weight in here is because we are literally being starved to death," he said. Capt. Hunter Petray told the Morning News of northwest Arkansas that inmates are fed a 3,000-calorie-per-day diet, which is above average, though probably less than someone clocking in at four-bills is used to. "About an hour after each meal my stomach starts to hurt and growl," Laswell says in his complaint. "I feel hungry again." Jailers are on watch so that Laswell does not escape by sneaking through the cell bars.
This guy went into the slammer at twice my size. Stomach hurting and growling an hour after each meal? I'm down with you bro.
Monday, April 28, 2008
A Ray of Hope
"Five of you will chase a hundred , and a hundred of you will chase ten thousand , and your enemies will fall before you by the sword ."
Leviticus 26:8
The Rays are passing out the Kool-Aid, and I'm drinking it.
Those really were the Rays finishing a weeklong flight of fancy Sunday at Tropicana Field by blanking the World Series champion Red Sox 3-0 for another (yawn) three-game sweep.
Rays starting pitcher James Shields, who outdueled Boston's Josh Beckett, had thousands on their feet as he closed out a two-hitter. He was congratulated by fellow believers.
"This is what we're talking about," Shields said.
Bucs, schmucks.
Your first-place Rays are on the clock.
Their magic number is 135.
What makes this sweet is all these Bosox fans who have been living here for 20 years and come to our home to root for the enemy - they left shamed and humiliated.
The Rays ownership is spending money to keep these young stars. The shaking you feel is the shift of power in the AL East.
MORE COWBELL!!!!
Leviticus 26:8
The Rays are passing out the Kool-Aid, and I'm drinking it.
Those really were the Rays finishing a weeklong flight of fancy Sunday at Tropicana Field by blanking the World Series champion Red Sox 3-0 for another (yawn) three-game sweep.
Rays starting pitcher James Shields, who outdueled Boston's Josh Beckett, had thousands on their feet as he closed out a two-hitter. He was congratulated by fellow believers.
"This is what we're talking about," Shields said.
Bucs, schmucks.
Your first-place Rays are on the clock.
Their magic number is 135.
What makes this sweet is all these Bosox fans who have been living here for 20 years and come to our home to root for the enemy - they left shamed and humiliated.
The Rays ownership is spending money to keep these young stars. The shaking you feel is the shift of power in the AL East.
MORE COWBELL!!!!
Guys Do It All the Time
Got in this morning at 4 AM
Your as mad as you can be
Well I was drinking and talking
And you know how that goes
Time just slipped away from me
By the time I knew what time it was
It was to late to call home
Stop carrying on and acting like a child
I wasn't doing anything wrong
Guys do it all the time
And you expect us to understand
When the shoe's on the other foot
You know that's when it hits the fan
Get over it honey life's a two way street
Or you won't be a man of mine
So I had some beers with the girls last nightG
Guys do it all the time
Even if that guy is Roger Clemens.
Roger Clemens carried on a decade-long affair with country star Mindy McCready, a romance that began when McCready was a 15-year-old aspiring singer performing in a karaoke bar and Clemens was a 28-year-old Red Sox ace and married father of two, several sources have told the Daily News.
The revelations could torpedo claims of an unsullied character that are central to the defamation suit Clemens filed Jan. 6 against his former personal trainer Brian McNamee. Vivid details of the affair could surface in several media projects that McCready is involved with - including a documentary that begins filming today in Nashville, a new album and a reality show.
I know I'm stooping low, but this is the intersection of two of my favorite subjects, baseball & country music. Ms. McCready, like many of the ladies in Country music, is very beautiful. And I remember going to a resaturant where the waitresses would jump up on the tables and dance to the above song. Her career has been stalled because she started living her life too much like a country song.
Suspicions are that the McNamee camp leaked this to demostrate that Roger has no character to defame.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Mr. Vento to the candidates:
No Geno's, no huevos.
On Tuesday, Primary Day, Barack Obama went across the street to Pat's for a cheesesteak.
Same day, Hillary Clinton had a chicken cheesesteak with Italian greens in the Philadelphia suburbs.
To Geno's owner Joey Vento, such decisions showed such a lack of courage that neither Democrat deserves to be president.
"If they don't have the guts to come here and talk about the immigration problem ... they're not capable of running our country," he said.
Kate P, Geno's is well known outside the Philly area. If you read the whole article you will learn that Mr. Vento isn't to thrilled with the McCainchurian Candidate either.
On Tuesday, Primary Day, Barack Obama went across the street to Pat's for a cheesesteak.
Same day, Hillary Clinton had a chicken cheesesteak with Italian greens in the Philadelphia suburbs.
To Geno's owner Joey Vento, such decisions showed such a lack of courage that neither Democrat deserves to be president.
"If they don't have the guts to come here and talk about the immigration problem ... they're not capable of running our country," he said.
Kate P, Geno's is well known outside the Philly area. If you read the whole article you will learn that Mr. Vento isn't to thrilled with the McCainchurian Candidate either.
Friday, April 25, 2008
We are hiring..
..and we have high standards. One of them is that you have to be able to speak English.
I know I sound bitter and I'm probably clinging to my gun and my religion and my hatred of others not like me, but if you are going to be an A/C service tech for us you need to be able to talk to customers.
A woman called me about a job opening on behalf of her brother. In these cases I always ask why the candidate isn't calling me himself, and the answer is always that the candidate can't speak English. Can he fill out a job application? The sister goes on job interviews with him.
In trying to get a gauge on the brother's English I asked if he's been to HVAC school. Yes , he has. I thought this is a good sign; he must speak English well enough to understand the teaching. Nein, meine Dammen und Herren, for here in Tampa there are HVAC classes taught en Espanol. The day will come, if it hasn't already, when I will need to learn Spanish to function in my own country.
This is why I am no longer a Republican. Last summer's illegal immigration caper made me realise that the GOP is has no principles. The day Voting Bloc B is greater than Voting Bloc A then the party will pursue B and ignore A.
I am, what they call in Florida, No Party Afilliation (NPA). I am a free man, and no longer obligated to carry water for these pandering votewhores.
I know I sound bitter and I'm probably clinging to my gun and my religion and my hatred of others not like me, but if you are going to be an A/C service tech for us you need to be able to talk to customers.
A woman called me about a job opening on behalf of her brother. In these cases I always ask why the candidate isn't calling me himself, and the answer is always that the candidate can't speak English. Can he fill out a job application? The sister goes on job interviews with him.
In trying to get a gauge on the brother's English I asked if he's been to HVAC school. Yes , he has. I thought this is a good sign; he must speak English well enough to understand the teaching. Nein, meine Dammen und Herren, for here in Tampa there are HVAC classes taught en Espanol. The day will come, if it hasn't already, when I will need to learn Spanish to function in my own country.
This is why I am no longer a Republican. Last summer's illegal immigration caper made me realise that the GOP is has no principles. The day Voting Bloc B is greater than Voting Bloc A then the party will pursue B and ignore A.
I am, what they call in Florida, No Party Afilliation (NPA). I am a free man, and no longer obligated to carry water for these pandering votewhores.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
All your time zones are belong to us
What you say?
It's true. Somebody set up us the clock. At least, that's what certain people would like.
SPEAKERS at a Doha conference on Mecca's importance said that the holy city, not Greenwich, should become the reference point for world time, reigniting an old controversy that started some four decades ago.
Maybe they're floating this idea because they think that England's gone wobbly enough to go for it, I don't know.
A group of Islamic scholars
(giggle)
presented on Saturday “scientific evidence”
(heheheheheh)
to prove that Mecca was the core of that the zero longitude passes through the holy city and not through Greenwich in the UK.
Sorry, kids. If you run the "top-selling English daily in Qatar" then you have to get the grammar right before we start re-jiggering every clock on the planet.
In a clear support for the call, Islamic scholar Yousuf al-Qaradawi said Islam, “unlike other religions, never contradicted science”.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I'll grant that you're doing well in practical chemistry, though at the current rate you'll run short of folks smart enough to cook up the required material for self-immolation. But "never contradicted science" is a load of hooey. For example:
The participants recommended the unification of the time in the Arab world to the time in Mecca instead of Greenwich.
You want all of the Arab world to have the same time as Mecca? You want people way to the west of Mecca to have to get up four hours before dawn because it's 7 am in Mecca, while people eastward get to have the sun shining in their windows at 3 am. The Earth is ROUND, o great non-contradictors of science. It turns at a certain rate. Mecca will remain a certain number of hours ahead of Greenwich no matter what anyone says. One may as well order water to consist of oxygen and argon.
They also called the Arab governments to abandon the new world maps “because they are forged to serve Western interests.”
I'm not sure where you guys got those globes made of solid iron, but they're heavy as hell and they scare the cat when you turn them. (Also, they are flat.) Most maps are printed. Then they are folded into glove boxes, to serve the interests of people who want to know where the hell they are; or hung in classrooms, so kids can learn geography.
The conference was organised to introduce Saat Makkah (the watch of Mecca). The inventor of the clock, Yasin a-Shouk, said it runs anti-clockwise in the direction of Tawaf, the rotation around Kaaba. The Switzerland-based award-winning inventor of Palestinian origin said that his invention met a lot of opposition and it took him four years to win the patent.
There is a dearth of information in English on the invention, which apparently helps Muslims face the proper way when praying, from anywhere on earth. This would make a-Shouk's amazing invention.... a compass. Entirely useless for telling time, in other words.
(BTW - that linked article is "being considered for deletion in accordance with Wikipedia's deletion policy.")
The moderator of the event, Rabaa Hamo, who is also the wife of the watch's inventor, said “the West imposed on us the invisible Greenwich line” as the world's reference time.
The inventor's wife - objective source, that. As for imposing Greenwich time? Every community on Earth in the history of ever has always had a local time. Nobody ever woke up in ancient Beijing and said, "I know! Let's make it so that we wake up when it's dawn 1000 miles away!" At least, nobody said that once they understood that the sun didn't rise on the whole Earth all at the same time. Again, there's that whole "flat planet" concept rearing its ugly head.
Now, you may think I'm exaggerating or being unkind, but they close the article thus:
She hoped that an Islamic country would adopt the project to strengthen the belief that Mecca was the core of the world, not theoretically but practically. [emphasis mine]
Islamic scholar, Zaghloul al-Najjar, said that the West did not like the scientific proofs that “Mecca was located in the centre of our planet, but nevertheless we will go on our research to establish it as a truth”.
You see? Earth is shaped like a plate, with Mecca in the geographical middle. This is the only way the above statement can be accurate. This is stupidity squared. Our planet = spherical, and thus "center of our planet" = molten, airless core. (I daresay that a few folks are eager to establish this as a truth, in a way al-Najjar won't like.) Instead of doing something to drag themselves out of barbarity, ignorance, oppression of their own people, and etc... they're trying to redefine the shape of the Earth and the flow of time itself - all based on "quoting verses from the Holy Qur'an and the sayings of Prophet Muhammad." This would be the same religion that "never contradicts science."
Hat tip to Cullen, and thanks for the comedy hookup. "Nitwittery" is just too poor a tag for this magnificent kookery.
It's true. Somebody set up us the clock. At least, that's what certain people would like.
SPEAKERS at a Doha conference on Mecca's importance said that the holy city, not Greenwich, should become the reference point for world time, reigniting an old controversy that started some four decades ago.
Maybe they're floating this idea because they think that England's gone wobbly enough to go for it, I don't know.
A group of Islamic scholars
(giggle)
presented on Saturday “scientific evidence”
(heheheheheh)
to prove that Mecca was the core of that the zero longitude passes through the holy city and not through Greenwich in the UK.
Sorry, kids. If you run the "top-selling English daily in Qatar" then you have to get the grammar right before we start re-jiggering every clock on the planet.
In a clear support for the call, Islamic scholar Yousuf al-Qaradawi said Islam, “unlike other religions, never contradicted science”.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I'll grant that you're doing well in practical chemistry, though at the current rate you'll run short of folks smart enough to cook up the required material for self-immolation. But "never contradicted science" is a load of hooey. For example:
The participants recommended the unification of the time in the Arab world to the time in Mecca instead of Greenwich.
You want all of the Arab world to have the same time as Mecca? You want people way to the west of Mecca to have to get up four hours before dawn because it's 7 am in Mecca, while people eastward get to have the sun shining in their windows at 3 am. The Earth is ROUND, o great non-contradictors of science. It turns at a certain rate. Mecca will remain a certain number of hours ahead of Greenwich no matter what anyone says. One may as well order water to consist of oxygen and argon.
They also called the Arab governments to abandon the new world maps “because they are forged to serve Western interests.”
I'm not sure where you guys got those globes made of solid iron, but they're heavy as hell and they scare the cat when you turn them. (Also, they are flat.) Most maps are printed. Then they are folded into glove boxes, to serve the interests of people who want to know where the hell they are; or hung in classrooms, so kids can learn geography.
The conference was organised to introduce Saat Makkah (the watch of Mecca). The inventor of the clock, Yasin a-Shouk, said it runs anti-clockwise in the direction of Tawaf, the rotation around Kaaba. The Switzerland-based award-winning inventor of Palestinian origin said that his invention met a lot of opposition and it took him four years to win the patent.
There is a dearth of information in English on the invention, which apparently helps Muslims face the proper way when praying, from anywhere on earth. This would make a-Shouk's amazing invention.... a compass. Entirely useless for telling time, in other words.
(BTW - that linked article is "being considered for deletion in accordance with Wikipedia's deletion policy.")
The moderator of the event, Rabaa Hamo, who is also the wife of the watch's inventor, said “the West imposed on us the invisible Greenwich line” as the world's reference time.
The inventor's wife - objective source, that. As for imposing Greenwich time? Every community on Earth in the history of ever has always had a local time. Nobody ever woke up in ancient Beijing and said, "I know! Let's make it so that we wake up when it's dawn 1000 miles away!" At least, nobody said that once they understood that the sun didn't rise on the whole Earth all at the same time. Again, there's that whole "flat planet" concept rearing its ugly head.
Now, you may think I'm exaggerating or being unkind, but they close the article thus:
She hoped that an Islamic country would adopt the project to strengthen the belief that Mecca was the core of the world, not theoretically but practically. [emphasis mine]
Islamic scholar, Zaghloul al-Najjar, said that the West did not like the scientific proofs that “Mecca was located in the centre of our planet, but nevertheless we will go on our research to establish it as a truth”.
You see? Earth is shaped like a plate, with Mecca in the geographical middle. This is the only way the above statement can be accurate. This is stupidity squared. Our planet = spherical, and thus "center of our planet" = molten, airless core. (I daresay that a few folks are eager to establish this as a truth, in a way al-Najjar won't like.) Instead of doing something to drag themselves out of barbarity, ignorance, oppression of their own people, and etc... they're trying to redefine the shape of the Earth and the flow of time itself - all based on "quoting verses from the Holy Qur'an and the sayings of Prophet Muhammad." This would be the same religion that "never contradicts science."
Hat tip to Cullen, and thanks for the comedy hookup. "Nitwittery" is just too poor a tag for this magnificent kookery.
All TV, all the time - AI / ANTM / water coolering
Yup, everything at once. Why not?
Starting with the Idol - I am sad about Carly getting dropped. Not entirely deserved, but again, a lot of good singers are going to go home this year. I rather wish it had been the Crown Prince, since he was very snoozy. One of the commenters at Snark Raving said that Carly maybe annoyed some of the Christians by singing "Jesus Christ Superstar." I can't say one way or the other - I know some people (such as the Spider) who were on board with what ALW and Tim Rice were trying for.
For me, the song just wasn't the same when it wasn't sung by a black dude wearing the seventies-iest fringed, sequined, white suit. What I'm surprised by is that Carly couldn't really comfortably sing the high notes. The song was written for a male tenor, I don't see why she wasn't able to hit those notes - or why she wouldn't have shifted it to a key where she could. (Doncha get me wrong, now; I only wanna know.)
Pity, though - she finally loosened up, and as she said on the results show, "I'm going to have fun from now on." And then "now on" lasted twelve minutes.
She wasn't the only one. During the recap snippet that I saw, David Cook took the choruses of "Music of the Night" up the scale, rather than down. Now, I'm not saying that any schlub can hit the bottom notes of that song, but it just sounded odd. I wish I'd seen the whole thing, maybe I'm wrong on this.
PS - I also liked Jason's "midnight train to Georgia" move when Randy called his performance a train wreck. And gosh, is ALW the biggest geek or what? I loved the guy. He's just a big musical theater nerd who happens to have written songs for Michael Feinstein and Sarah Brightman and made eleventy billion pounds sterling.
PPS - Hancock just looks like it rocks hard. He is legend, with superpowers. I can't tell if they're going for a gritty urban retelling of Superman or if this is adapted from an indy comic, but it looks really sweet. And I have to go see Iron Man. And Prince Caspian. And I'm not really a movie goer at all.
Moving to the fierceness - they are in Italia, bellas, and it makes me sad because the Death Cab for Cuties is now parked in some garage in North Jersey. Their new digs are sweet. They get some Tyra Mail from the new driver they have, and of course - it's Tyra's face on the Mona Lisa. She is beautifully cracked. They're going to be rolling or something, and Anya cries out, "We're going to be on gondolas!" or some such. Everyone mocks her a bit, but I see what she was going for: they were rolling, rolling, rolling on the river. Anya's got some Ike and Tina soul going for her, ya dig? But sadly, she's incorrect. Some guy tours them around Rome in segways, which looked pretty darned funny - all these ancient buildings and absolutely awesome scenery, and this dude and six models tooling by on upright scooters.
They got to meet a big mucky-muck Italian designer, and instantly the Ladybug turned to me and said, innocently, "Hm. I wonder if Whitney is going to have to overcome something since she's a plus-sized model." Heheheheheh. She says it every three minutes. Sure enough - "Will any of this stuff fit me, the samples are all size 2..." But she found something, of course. Anya, however, won the challenge. Gondola THIS, girls! This is where Whitney really shone through - being a plus-size model, she finds it hard to be remotely pleasant. "She won $10,000 last challenge, gripe gripe gripe." No - she EARNED $10,000 by doing a print ad for 7-up that is currently running in magazines everywhere. (Ladybug actually saw the finished product a couple of days ago.) Man up, chickie.
The challenge is to do a commercial for Cover Girl - in Italian. Hoo boy, this is gonna be Il buono, il cattivo, il brutto - only without the buono. Capice? I mean, Anya is hard to understand in English, much less Italian. (NB - Nigel Barker stole that line during the judging. Poopie.)
Yup, it was horrid. Pretty much all of them. Dominique looked like a zombie mannequin. Anya was cute and flirty, but her Italian had the entire set cracking up. I had to pause because the director's reaction made me laugh so hard I missed the next girl. Fatima was eh, Katarzyna was best of the lot. Whitney, as a plus-sized model, found it hard to act well, or at all. She definetely lacks that touch of Tuesday Weld; so plasticky. And poor Lauren - oy.
This is where I have to rant a little bit. Mr. Jay is the consultant on all the shoots. He's good at what he does, I suppose, but would a little feedback and coaching really be so hard? He's too much of a diva. These aren't models, yet - they're contestants, they're not professionals - it's not a matter of being too hard on them, but he's just cutting and bitchy. I mean, there's a difference between someone like Simon being no-nonsense but essentially fair vs. trying to destroy the contestant.
In Lauren's case, I would have tried a few things. First - be natural, don't defeat yourself. Second - don't worry about your accent. Third - don't talk at the camera; talk through the camera, as if you were talking to a friend on the phone.
Then, I would have tried a couple of other things as the takes began to mount badly. Take a minute, get composed. Then, do a run-through in English, to get the rhythm of the thing. I mean, if you're doing eight takes anyway, why not one to give her a bit of confidence in her ability? The whole idea is to get something useable, right? Then, for real in Italian.
Wow, that's a lot of things, isn't it?
Too late. Lauren and Whitney were the bottom two. It's Lauren going home, of course. She was simply too disastrous. As a plus-sized model, Whitney found that it was a challenge to pretend that she was worried about losing.
(I'm going to work that phrase into my everyday life as often as possible: "As a plus-sized model, I find it difficult to type that memo." "As a plus-sized model, it's harder for me to stop for red lights." WE GET IT, you're a normal human woman with curves. Maybe she can abbreviate it for all the interview bits: AAPSM? AA+M? She should just make a little plus sign with her fingers every time she talks on camera.)
Starting with the Idol - I am sad about Carly getting dropped. Not entirely deserved, but again, a lot of good singers are going to go home this year. I rather wish it had been the Crown Prince, since he was very snoozy. One of the commenters at Snark Raving said that Carly maybe annoyed some of the Christians by singing "Jesus Christ Superstar." I can't say one way or the other - I know some people (such as the Spider) who were on board with what ALW and Tim Rice were trying for.
For me, the song just wasn't the same when it wasn't sung by a black dude wearing the seventies-iest fringed, sequined, white suit. What I'm surprised by is that Carly couldn't really comfortably sing the high notes. The song was written for a male tenor, I don't see why she wasn't able to hit those notes - or why she wouldn't have shifted it to a key where she could. (Doncha get me wrong, now; I only wanna know.)
Pity, though - she finally loosened up, and as she said on the results show, "I'm going to have fun from now on." And then "now on" lasted twelve minutes.
She wasn't the only one. During the recap snippet that I saw, David Cook took the choruses of "Music of the Night" up the scale, rather than down. Now, I'm not saying that any schlub can hit the bottom notes of that song, but it just sounded odd. I wish I'd seen the whole thing, maybe I'm wrong on this.
PS - I also liked Jason's "midnight train to Georgia" move when Randy called his performance a train wreck. And gosh, is ALW the biggest geek or what? I loved the guy. He's just a big musical theater nerd who happens to have written songs for Michael Feinstein and Sarah Brightman and made eleventy billion pounds sterling.
PPS - Hancock just looks like it rocks hard. He is legend, with superpowers. I can't tell if they're going for a gritty urban retelling of Superman or if this is adapted from an indy comic, but it looks really sweet. And I have to go see Iron Man. And Prince Caspian. And I'm not really a movie goer at all.
Moving to the fierceness - they are in Italia, bellas, and it makes me sad because the Death Cab for Cuties is now parked in some garage in North Jersey. Their new digs are sweet. They get some Tyra Mail from the new driver they have, and of course - it's Tyra's face on the Mona Lisa. She is beautifully cracked. They're going to be rolling or something, and Anya cries out, "We're going to be on gondolas!" or some such. Everyone mocks her a bit, but I see what she was going for: they were rolling, rolling, rolling on the river. Anya's got some Ike and Tina soul going for her, ya dig? But sadly, she's incorrect. Some guy tours them around Rome in segways, which looked pretty darned funny - all these ancient buildings and absolutely awesome scenery, and this dude and six models tooling by on upright scooters.
They got to meet a big mucky-muck Italian designer, and instantly the Ladybug turned to me and said, innocently, "Hm. I wonder if Whitney is going to have to overcome something since she's a plus-sized model." Heheheheheh. She says it every three minutes. Sure enough - "Will any of this stuff fit me, the samples are all size 2..." But she found something, of course. Anya, however, won the challenge. Gondola THIS, girls! This is where Whitney really shone through - being a plus-size model, she finds it hard to be remotely pleasant. "She won $10,000 last challenge, gripe gripe gripe." No - she EARNED $10,000 by doing a print ad for 7-up that is currently running in magazines everywhere. (Ladybug actually saw the finished product a couple of days ago.) Man up, chickie.
The challenge is to do a commercial for Cover Girl - in Italian. Hoo boy, this is gonna be Il buono, il cattivo, il brutto - only without the buono. Capice? I mean, Anya is hard to understand in English, much less Italian. (NB - Nigel Barker stole that line during the judging. Poopie.)
Yup, it was horrid. Pretty much all of them. Dominique looked like a zombie mannequin. Anya was cute and flirty, but her Italian had the entire set cracking up. I had to pause because the director's reaction made me laugh so hard I missed the next girl. Fatima was eh, Katarzyna was best of the lot. Whitney, as a plus-sized model, found it hard to act well, or at all. She definetely lacks that touch of Tuesday Weld; so plasticky. And poor Lauren - oy.
This is where I have to rant a little bit. Mr. Jay is the consultant on all the shoots. He's good at what he does, I suppose, but would a little feedback and coaching really be so hard? He's too much of a diva. These aren't models, yet - they're contestants, they're not professionals - it's not a matter of being too hard on them, but he's just cutting and bitchy. I mean, there's a difference between someone like Simon being no-nonsense but essentially fair vs. trying to destroy the contestant.
In Lauren's case, I would have tried a few things. First - be natural, don't defeat yourself. Second - don't worry about your accent. Third - don't talk at the camera; talk through the camera, as if you were talking to a friend on the phone.
Then, I would have tried a couple of other things as the takes began to mount badly. Take a minute, get composed. Then, do a run-through in English, to get the rhythm of the thing. I mean, if you're doing eight takes anyway, why not one to give her a bit of confidence in her ability? The whole idea is to get something useable, right? Then, for real in Italian.
Wow, that's a lot of things, isn't it?
Too late. Lauren and Whitney were the bottom two. It's Lauren going home, of course. She was simply too disastrous. As a plus-sized model, Whitney found that it was a challenge to pretend that she was worried about losing.
(I'm going to work that phrase into my everyday life as often as possible: "As a plus-sized model, I find it difficult to type that memo." "As a plus-sized model, it's harder for me to stop for red lights." WE GET IT, you're a normal human woman with curves. Maybe she can abbreviate it for all the interview bits: AAPSM? AA+M? She should just make a little plus sign with her fingers every time she talks on camera.)
The kid's birthday is coming up..
..here's a gift idea.
An action-man style doll of Nazi leader Adolf Hitler has gone on sale in the Ukraine, with saleswomen comparing the doll to Barbie.
Supermarkets in the capital Kiev are stocking the 40 centimetre high figure of the fuhrer, complete with jackboots, leather trench-coat and swastika armband.
The £100 figure has a spare head "with a kind expression on it," glasses and several changes of clothes.
It gets better.
One saleswoman said: "It is like Barbie. Kids can undress fuhrer, pin on medals and there's a spare head in the kit to give him a kinder expression on his face.
"He has glasses that are round, in the manner of pacifist Jon Lennon".
But wait! That's not all.
According to the saleswoman, should the demand be high, manufacturers will go further and launch a series of themed Third Reich toys, including interiors of Hitler's chancellery, toy concentration camps with barbed wire, barracks and operating models of gas chambers and crematoriums.
I'm thinking as I post this - It's got to be some kind of internet gag. If it is, then the Daily Mail, a major British newspaper got punked.
An action-man style doll of Nazi leader Adolf Hitler has gone on sale in the Ukraine, with saleswomen comparing the doll to Barbie.
Supermarkets in the capital Kiev are stocking the 40 centimetre high figure of the fuhrer, complete with jackboots, leather trench-coat and swastika armband.
The £100 figure has a spare head "with a kind expression on it," glasses and several changes of clothes.
It gets better.
One saleswoman said: "It is like Barbie. Kids can undress fuhrer, pin on medals and there's a spare head in the kit to give him a kinder expression on his face.
"He has glasses that are round, in the manner of pacifist Jon Lennon".
But wait! That's not all.
According to the saleswoman, should the demand be high, manufacturers will go further and launch a series of themed Third Reich toys, including interiors of Hitler's chancellery, toy concentration camps with barbed wire, barracks and operating models of gas chambers and crematoriums.
I'm thinking as I post this - It's got to be some kind of internet gag. If it is, then the Daily Mail, a major British newspaper got punked.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Plague of locusts cats
Yup, it’s confirmed – thanks to SCIENCE! (And a hat tip to the Ace of Spades.)
It's an older post, but I've been a little busy lately. (Explanations to follow.) I just loved the solution that Dr. Lord called for in the article: "Government has tended to not want to be involved with cats. And I don't know if they can avoid it anymore."
Of course! And if the gummint can't come through, we'll have to fall back on our guns and religion.
I happen to be a cat lover. (I mean, those cats in the picture with the article? Awwwwwwww.) As far as ferals are concerned, I support "catch-fix-release" programs. This way, they get to live out their natural life with no risk of breeding in the wild (or knocking up poor Fluffy). Seems fairest to all concerned. But I’m not such a big fan of letting a government attempt to manage this, especially if it works as well as the rest of their social programs. Behold, government Cat Population Control:
May 2008 – Dr. Lord publicly freaks out about feral cats overrunning our cities, like miniature Godzillas rumbling through Tokyo.
June 2008 – Obama clinches the Democratic nomination and promises “Change Kittehs Can Believe In.” (Hillary’s “A Cat in Every Pot” backfires among undecided voters.)
Jan 2009 – Congress’ first session of the new term results in a “Cat Population Commission” to study the problem, even though Dr. Lord has done so for years. She drops her objections in exchange for a six-figure, six-month position leading the Commission.
Sept 2009 – The CPC overruns its budget but says it still needs more time to weigh the competing options for feral cat control – catch-fix-release, abstinence-only programs, or giant slingshots into the ocean.
March 2010 – gangs of feral cats start hanging on street corners, intimidating neighborhoods, vandalizing public property, and selling catnip in schools. The CPC is doubled in size and tripled in budget.
August 2010 – ferals are caught trying to smuggle dozens of undocumented cats across the border. The CPC becomes the federal Department of Cat Immigration and Neuterization.
Sept 2010 – Moqtada al-Sadr issues a fatwa encouraging domestic cats to join their feral brothers in vexing America. “The blessed Prophet (peace be upon him) was a great cat lover and you can repay his kindness by eating all of the infidels’ tuna, fighting and mating outside of their windows at 2 am, and putting all female cats in large shapeless bags so that you shall not be tempted by their sleek coats, almond eyes, and come-hither purring.” The Department of CIN concurs; the bags make it easy to toss the cats in the river should they be found with kitten by a domestic tom.
November 2010 – the Republicans crush the incumbent Democrats in the midterm elections, calling for tighter controls on feral cats.
Jan 2011 – new majority party proposes sweeping reforms; Democrats stall by saying their own programs need more time and that Republicans just hate cats.
May 2011 – feral populations are in sudden, shocking decline. Both sides claim success. Neither side notices that private organizations got fed the hell up and decided on their own to catch-fix-release – and occasionally employ the giant slingshot.
It's an older post, but I've been a little busy lately. (Explanations to follow.) I just loved the solution that Dr. Lord called for in the article: "Government has tended to not want to be involved with cats. And I don't know if they can avoid it anymore."
Of course! And if the gummint can't come through, we'll have to fall back on our guns and religion.
I happen to be a cat lover. (I mean, those cats in the picture with the article? Awwwwwwww.) As far as ferals are concerned, I support "catch-fix-release" programs. This way, they get to live out their natural life with no risk of breeding in the wild (or knocking up poor Fluffy). Seems fairest to all concerned. But I’m not such a big fan of letting a government attempt to manage this, especially if it works as well as the rest of their social programs. Behold, government Cat Population Control:
May 2008 – Dr. Lord publicly freaks out about feral cats overrunning our cities, like miniature Godzillas rumbling through Tokyo.
June 2008 – Obama clinches the Democratic nomination and promises “Change Kittehs Can Believe In.” (Hillary’s “A Cat in Every Pot” backfires among undecided voters.)
Jan 2009 – Congress’ first session of the new term results in a “Cat Population Commission” to study the problem, even though Dr. Lord has done so for years. She drops her objections in exchange for a six-figure, six-month position leading the Commission.
Sept 2009 – The CPC overruns its budget but says it still needs more time to weigh the competing options for feral cat control – catch-fix-release, abstinence-only programs, or giant slingshots into the ocean.
March 2010 – gangs of feral cats start hanging on street corners, intimidating neighborhoods, vandalizing public property, and selling catnip in schools. The CPC is doubled in size and tripled in budget.
August 2010 – ferals are caught trying to smuggle dozens of undocumented cats across the border. The CPC becomes the federal Department of Cat Immigration and Neuterization.
Sept 2010 – Moqtada al-Sadr issues a fatwa encouraging domestic cats to join their feral brothers in vexing America. “The blessed Prophet (peace be upon him) was a great cat lover and you can repay his kindness by eating all of the infidels’ tuna, fighting and mating outside of their windows at 2 am, and putting all female cats in large shapeless bags so that you shall not be tempted by their sleek coats, almond eyes, and come-hither purring.” The Department of CIN concurs; the bags make it easy to toss the cats in the river should they be found with kitten by a domestic tom.
November 2010 – the Republicans crush the incumbent Democrats in the midterm elections, calling for tighter controls on feral cats.
Jan 2011 – new majority party proposes sweeping reforms; Democrats stall by saying their own programs need more time and that Republicans just hate cats.
May 2011 – feral populations are in sudden, shocking decline. Both sides claim success. Neither side notices that private organizations got fed the hell up and decided on their own to catch-fix-release – and occasionally employ the giant slingshot.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Is It Hot in Here?
Or is it just jihad?
"You Would Find 10 Black-Eyed Virgins Sprawled on Musk Cushions"
"He said that faces would be soft that day. Even your own face will be soft without any powder or makeup. You yourself will be soft, so how soft will a black-eyed virgin be, when she comes to you so tall and with her beautiful face, her black hair and white face - praised be He who created night and day. Just feel her palm, Sheikh!
"He said: How soft will a fingertip be, after being softened in paradise for thousands of years! There is no god but Allah. He told us that if you entered one of the palaces, you would find 10 black-eyed virgins sprawled on musk cushions. Where is Abu Khaled? Here, he has arrived!
"When they see you, they will get up and run to you. Lucky is the one who gets to put her thumb in your hand. When they get hold of you, they will push you onto your back, on the musk cushions. They will push you onto your back, Jamal! Allah Akbar! I wish this on all people present here.
"He said that one of them would place her mouth on yours. Do whatever you want.
"Another one would press her cheek against yours, yet another would press her chest against yours, and the others would await their turn. There is no god but Allah."
What a recruiting tool! Now if my pastor preached like this it would get my attention! Of course, my pastor will probable tell me that "whatever is true , whatever is honorable , whatever is right , whatever is pure , whatever is lovely , whatever is of good repute , if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise , dwell on these things". (Phil 4:8)
And not that I'm being shorted 62 virgins.
This comes from a website called http://www.memri.org/ which tranlsates in English sermons and other fun items from the Muslim world.
"You Would Find 10 Black-Eyed Virgins Sprawled on Musk Cushions"
"He said that faces would be soft that day. Even your own face will be soft without any powder or makeup. You yourself will be soft, so how soft will a black-eyed virgin be, when she comes to you so tall and with her beautiful face, her black hair and white face - praised be He who created night and day. Just feel her palm, Sheikh!
"He said: How soft will a fingertip be, after being softened in paradise for thousands of years! There is no god but Allah. He told us that if you entered one of the palaces, you would find 10 black-eyed virgins sprawled on musk cushions. Where is Abu Khaled? Here, he has arrived!
"When they see you, they will get up and run to you. Lucky is the one who gets to put her thumb in your hand. When they get hold of you, they will push you onto your back, on the musk cushions. They will push you onto your back, Jamal! Allah Akbar! I wish this on all people present here.
"He said that one of them would place her mouth on yours. Do whatever you want.
"Another one would press her cheek against yours, yet another would press her chest against yours, and the others would await their turn. There is no god but Allah."
What a recruiting tool! Now if my pastor preached like this it would get my attention! Of course, my pastor will probable tell me that "whatever is true , whatever is honorable , whatever is right , whatever is pure , whatever is lovely , whatever is of good repute , if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise , dwell on these things". (Phil 4:8)
And not that I'm being shorted 62 virgins.
This comes from a website called http://www.memri.org/ which tranlsates in English sermons and other fun items from the Muslim world.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Alex Callahan
It looks like GIs in Iraq took time out from the important work of torturing prisoners and murdering non-combatants to do this:
Soldiers recently watched as a car pulled up to an entry control point at Forward Operating Base Callahan in northern Baghdad. They continued to watch as a woman stepped out of the car holding a bag. Once the woman dropped the bag near the gate, internal alarms were ringing and a careful search was called for and conducted...
Soldiers recently watched as a car pulled up to an entry control point at Forward Operating Base Callahan in northern Baghdad. They continued to watch as a woman stepped out of the car holding a bag. Once the woman dropped the bag near the gate, internal alarms were ringing and a careful search was called for and conducted...
...That search yielded a newborn baby wrapped tightly in several cloths. Soldiers raced to the bag, retrieved the child and brought him to the aid station to be examined.
“We unwrapped it to make sure he was alive – and he wasn’t sick, he wasn’t dead, he wasn’t injured,” said Staff Sgt. Paul Briscoe, the aid station non-commissioned officer in charge at FOB Callahan. “He was a perfectly healthy baby. I’m guessing three to seven days old. He was in perfect health. There wasn’t a scratch on him.”
This story wasn't in your local paper? Gee, I wonder why.
I seem to be unable to post a photo of the little guy; when I figure out how to do it I'll have it up.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Good times at the ball game
If you're a sports fan, this spring is in the midst of rocking out.
In baseball, you've got the first month of the year: everyone is still in it, and some teams that have suffered long have the glimmer of hope - the Royals and Orioles have started well, and the Cubs (of all teams) have as good a shot as anyone of winning the National League.
Basketball is coming off an incredible NCAA final game, with Kansas rallying from eight down in the final minute, and one of the best regular-seasons in recent NBA history, especially in the Western Conference - nine teams won 48 games or more (sadly, that means Golden State is home while the mediocre Atlanta Hawks stink in up in the east against Boston in the opening round). There are four legit MVP candidates (Bill Simmons gives you a two-part breakdown).
Football? Well, even that's fun, with the schedule getting released and official crazy person Chad Johnson demanding a trade before draft day.
Then, of course, there's the Lord's Own Hockey. With the exception of Ottawa getting pantsed by Pittsburgh, the playoffs have been very good so far. We've had breakout goaltending from Carey Price in Montreal, huge comebacks in the Calgary-San Jose series, and if you're into idiocy, both Sean Avery and Mike Milbury have delivered.
(For the record, I'd have put Avery in the box at once for his antics in front of Marty Brodeur. I've actually had someone do that to me and he was hit up for unsportsmanlike conduct. No question. And Milbury hardly invented the "Washington Crapitals" insult - remember, he played when Washington was going 8-67-5 in their first season in the league. They had THREE head coaches. Yikes.)
SI's Mike Farber has a column about the Senators, BTW, that deserves some fisking. I'll probably get into it tomorrow.
In baseball, you've got the first month of the year: everyone is still in it, and some teams that have suffered long have the glimmer of hope - the Royals and Orioles have started well, and the Cubs (of all teams) have as good a shot as anyone of winning the National League.
Basketball is coming off an incredible NCAA final game, with Kansas rallying from eight down in the final minute, and one of the best regular-seasons in recent NBA history, especially in the Western Conference - nine teams won 48 games or more (sadly, that means Golden State is home while the mediocre Atlanta Hawks stink in up in the east against Boston in the opening round). There are four legit MVP candidates (Bill Simmons gives you a two-part breakdown).
Football? Well, even that's fun, with the schedule getting released and official crazy person Chad Johnson demanding a trade before draft day.
Then, of course, there's the Lord's Own Hockey. With the exception of Ottawa getting pantsed by Pittsburgh, the playoffs have been very good so far. We've had breakout goaltending from Carey Price in Montreal, huge comebacks in the Calgary-San Jose series, and if you're into idiocy, both Sean Avery and Mike Milbury have delivered.
(For the record, I'd have put Avery in the box at once for his antics in front of Marty Brodeur. I've actually had someone do that to me and he was hit up for unsportsmanlike conduct. No question. And Milbury hardly invented the "Washington Crapitals" insult - remember, he played when Washington was going 8-67-5 in their first season in the league. They had THREE head coaches. Yikes.)
SI's Mike Farber has a column about the Senators, BTW, that deserves some fisking. I'll probably get into it tomorrow.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Those who ignore history
The Anchoress has a fine post about Iraq 1991 v. Iraq 2008, and asks a pertinent question at the end: "The question of why it was wrong to abandon the Iraqis to chaos in 1991 but is right to do it in 2008 is a really good one that I wish someone in the mainstream media with access to Mrs. Clinton, Mr. Obama, Mrs. Pelosi — or for that matter with access to someone like the anti-war George Clooney — would finally ask. I would love to hear the answer."
The answer is all too simple. In 1991, bugging out was right; it only became wrong years later, in hindsight. It's right in 2008 because of lack of foresight. Should we "do the right thing" now, the Left will be busily denouncing that decision as wrong come about 2025 - but then as now, only well after other people took considerable risk and trouble to correct the mistake, at a terrible cost.
Given the genuine cost of war, one hopes that those fighting it won't give up because of the wholly imaginary cost of being criticized for it.
The answer is all too simple. In 1991, bugging out was right; it only became wrong years later, in hindsight. It's right in 2008 because of lack of foresight. Should we "do the right thing" now, the Left will be busily denouncing that decision as wrong come about 2025 - but then as now, only well after other people took considerable risk and trouble to correct the mistake, at a terrible cost.
Given the genuine cost of war, one hopes that those fighting it won't give up because of the wholly imaginary cost of being criticized for it.
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