Monday, January 29, 2007

Musical Monday - Tuesdays With Simon

OK - so if you want up-to-datedness on all things American Idol, this is your place. (Cullen also does some timely posting.) You're welcome.

I was all about the hurting on Tuesdays last year, but my old league played Monday. It folded, and my new league plays Tuesdays, and I do some reffing. This means that between games I get maybe ten minutes of Idol, and have to play catch-up via the old VHS. (I really should be watching Paleolithic Idol, I'm lucky my computer doesn't run off a team of hamsters on a treadmill.)

Anyway, I would like to see some of the Hollywood rounds so I can at least get behind a few people, but so far the only full ep I've seen is the most recent NY/NJ audition show.

Note to file - most superstars don't have to wear their own name on the front of a homemade t-shirt. Neither do they enter singing competitions to do a half-assed speed-talking spaz-dance deal. He was even off-key! How is it even possible to TALK off-key?!? Even Joan Collins was ticked.

Thank you, Ian Benardo, for teaching us to laugh about love... again.

The 22-year old teenager adopted by Bolivians was quite talented, however, as was Rainbow Brite the opera rocker. "Who are you," indeed, Simon. She probably could have belted that out on the spot if you really wanted. He's going to have to start listening to these auditions with his eyes closed or something.

She's sweet on Wagner
I think she'd die for Beethoven
She loves the way Puccini lays down a tune
And Verdi's always creeping from her room

As for the Sopranettes, immortalized as BFF1 & 2 by Cullen... it's plain that Pt Pleasant is a better singer; she also seems like a decent girl, unlike Ms. Holmdel. My prediction is that, if Holmdel lasts longer (or they go out together), they'll be OK; but if Pt Pleasant outlasts Holmdel that friendship is done.

The "dress and stilettos" guy (yeah, that's classy, Simon) set out at the top of his range and had no room left. That's what killed him. "Three Times an Idol" girl, unfortunately, chose a show-off song, and one that is, sadly, one of the most annoying ditties ever sang. I would have felt worse for her if she hadn't made that speech at the end, which sounded more daytime soap than heartfelt plea. I'm glad that the "Build Me Up Buttercup" guy is getting another go, though. He can sing, and I like how he's handling having gakked the words last year - that sheepish "yeah, my bad" deal is just the right balance.

Coincidentally, a guy who worked at the rink where I started playing sang that song all the time.

Why do you fill me up (fill me up)
Buttercup, baby, just to let me down (let me down)
And mess me around
And then worst of all (worst of all)
You never call, baby, when you say you will (say you will)
But I love you still

I need you (I need you)
More than anyone, darling
You know that I have from the start
So fill me up, buttercup
Don't break my heart

I will remember that song after I've forgotten my own name.

Not much else to say that hasn't already been said funnier elsewhere. I'm not sure where the Joe Jackson dude came from - forty-seven years old?!? - but he was rather sad to hear. Shouldn't you be at the PTA meeting or something?

In general, I'm not sure why nearly everyone goes in for the cut-rate Whitney Houston mewling. They sound like they're hyperventilating and it only serves to expose their lack of talent. Hit the note and hold it for longer than a quarter-second, dammit. "Love" is one syllable, not twelve - "lo-wu-oh-uh-OOOOOOOH-EEE-oooooh-vvvvvv-ooooh-wu-ohhhh..." You can be smacked, you know, so sing or shut up.

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