When you're 16, badly singing - AI announces the top 12

In a world.... where people must sing for their very lives...
Twelve people will emerge....
One will stand.... and eleven will fall...
This spring, entertainment... gets... personal!

Sorry, I just thought the late, great Don LaFontaine ought to do the intro.  Instead we get ominous synth chords, a dramatic reading, and goofy red serif title cards.  Geez laweeeze.  It's "Bible - the Rock Opera" by A Flock of Seagulls!

No, wait.  THIS is aMERican Idol!

Yeah, enough of that drama, here's Randy's head cheaply p-shopped onto Bikini Girl, pre-enhancement.  Cadet Happy could top that, no sweat.  The group sing is Michael Buble's "Just Haven't Met You Yet."  These are always a little sad for me, for reasons having nothing to do with the goofy singing and choreography.  It's tough watching and knowing that four of those happy kids are already out.  Speaking of which - hey, it's Paige and Katelyn!  Dead girl singin' heah.

Didi - Randy plays Ty Webb to her Danny Noonan and says to be dope every day.  She's in.

Ally Sheedy Siobhan - Ellen tells her to keep doing what she's doing.  So, she's in then.  Ryan makes it official and sends her to one of the eggcups.

Paige/Katelyn - together on stage.  So much for my prediction that both will go.  Katie just threw up in her mouth.  Simon says that Paige has the better potential.  The King of the Judges' Table is correct, of course: Paige scrapes in, and Katelyn is gone.  Ladybug boo-byes her and fast forwards her swan song with palpable glee.  (Heh... back off boys, she's mine.)

It's the boys' turn.  Maybe they're behind because half of the crew is up there at once: Tim, Todrick, Lee, and Casey.  One is certainly outta here.  Huh, Todrick grew a goatee overnight; faint, but noticable.  Casey gets the first eggcup, Tim the next.  Ryan asks Randy which of the other two deserve to continue.  Ryan says Lee, who looks as if he swallowed a bug.  Our dawg is right - Lee is in the Top 12 and leaves Todrick dancin' with himself, oh-oh-wu-oh.

Red room! Red room! Red room!  Ryan says hi to those still waiting, knows that it's annoying, and immediately cuts to our musical act: Scott MacIntyre and Matt Girard on pianos, singing "Tell Her About It."  Whoa, is this ever bizarre.
LB - it's what you'd see with Elton and Billy Joel.
NF - only without the talent.
Matt is howlingly bad right now.  Oversinging, strange phrasing... it's a verbal seizure.  The boogie-woogie piano duel in the middle made us both laugh uncomfortably.
LB - omigod, did you see Scott shake his little booty?
I like Scott's voice in this, anyway.  The rest was an astounding train wreck.

Glee promo!  W00t Glee!  Looks like they're amping the Shu-Emma lovin'.  There's also the obligatory Jane Lynch snark.  She's brilliant.  More please.

Back to the results.  Crystal gets a completely non-suspenseful yes.  Big Mike, too.  I hope they saved Ruben Studdard's industrial-strength eggcup.  If that thing gives way he'll domino the entire Top 12.  Lacey is asked to defend her eclectic song choices, and she says she likes to evoke different emotions.  She gets to invoke tears of happiness on her way to the eggcups.

Teflon Boy is in.  I'm not sure I agree with this.  The other two A-boys, Alex and Andrew, come up together.  Each has an arm around the other's shoulder as they face their fate.  Ryan asks Simon if Andrew peaked too soon.  Simon - "Maybe, but talent is talent, you're still a talented singer."  A good indicator for Andrew, and it pays off.  Alex's nerves sunk him, poor kid.  Ally Siobhan is weeping during the farewell song.

We come back from break to find everyone still hugging it out... then they finally surrender the stage to Katie and Lilly.  Two girls enter, one girl sings.  This looks awful for Katie, but as LB says, "I'm nervous for Lilly."  Kara thinks Lilly really knows who she is, but Katie "sounds contemporary."  Hmph.  She sounds adult easy-listening.

Yup.  Darn it all, Lilly is out, and Katie advances.  Notice it's Kara who punted on a prediction when asked, and hedged by talking about both.  Also notice that this is what happens when middle schoolers are permitted to vote.  Stupid America.  Katie's crying.  Most of the Idols just seem shocked.  Crystal, in fact, looks like she's about to wade into the audience with a cricket bat.  Lilly is nice to Katie as they hug, but she looks fairly ticked, as well she should.  "I thought I did really well," she says, "I put my heart into every performance, and I thought I really gave it my all... I don't know what America wants to hear."  HAHAHAHAHA!  Best. Concession. EVER.  She's not being snotty or mean or whiny, either - she just seems really, genuinely confused that Katie could possibly advance over her.  (Or Paige, for that matter, unless that's just me.)  "I just know there's an audience out there for me," she says.  Agreed.

See you next week, peeps.

Also see: Snark Raving Mad.  I agree with you on this, SarahK.