Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Habemus Nutrition

...or, "Let's Play the Pyramid!"

No white smoke plumed from the chimney of the USDA building, but one can only imagine what was going up from the pipes of the people who designed this misbegotten Dark Side of the Moon homage. We started with Four Food Groups in my youth; I had just gotten used to the weird multi-tiered pyramid they had. Now we've gone to a peverse rainbow of advice - none of which includes how much of each color one actually ought to eat, nor even what each color stands for. Instead, you enter three scraps of personal information into a web-based quizmo and then they tell you what you should have. (Relativism now includes dinner.)

The closet lawyer deep in me says, what if you don't have internet access? Coffeehouses are full of wifi access - will they unduly influence you to have too much caffeine before you get your results? Will the coffeehouses be able to sue since people will take a look and then dash out, abandoning their chai and lattes?

I'd sure like to tell you... but the site was so slow in returning my results, I don't know. I guess I'll hit White Castle like usual.

RELATED: This post from the Coalition's Tree-Hugging Sister mentions the bad rap that carbs are getting. "Those Atkins numbnuts..." she mutters.

True story: a friend stopped over a few days ago to offer me a taste of an Atkins Advantage bar. "Wild Berry Granola," the wrapper said. Upon opening said wrapper, I was assailed by a pungent chemical odor. The bar, in short, resembled a hunk of plywood soaked in fuel additive. "Twelve to a dollar at Costco!" the friend beamed. He overpaid. Ms. Sister, give me the word and I'll score some of Mama Nightfly's famed homemade cream puffs, and we can buttercream together.

4 comments:

tree hugging sister said...

Oh Fly, you torture me from afar...argh, buttercream!

As far as those nasty Atkins bars go, your description is dead on and apparently noticed by more than just your esteemed self. Your friend could have just trucked down to the foodbank and saved a bundle.

nightfly said...

Actually, Mom also tortures me from afar - from 1100 miles afar, give or take a block. Also, the last two years she hasn't made the puffs. Her distance from all of the paisanos is making her slack off!

Mr. Bingley said...

Blech.

Here are the Bingley Foodgroups™:

Alcohol
Salt
Fat
Meat

Eat as much as you can in all categories whenever possible.

Double portions on alcohol allowed.

Madzi said...

Basic nutritional advice from the Imminent Realm:
If man made it, don't eat it.