Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Mr. Clutch vs. Not So Much

Ladies and gentlemen of weak disposition, sit down before you read the next four words.

Adam Viniateri, Indianapolis Colt.

Peyton has got a smile wider than that kick Mike Vanderjagt honked against Pittsburgh in the playoffs. The Village Idiot of kickers has been replaced by a guy who won two Super Bowls with last-minute field goals. Without him, Tom Brady is a talented young guy who may soon break through to stardom - no glamorous supermodel dates, no Five Layers of Protection, and no Bill Belicheck, Sooper Geeenius. Peyton probably signed on to wash Viniateri's car for the next six years - with a toothbrush. "Wanna go to Sonic, Adam? How about doing a Gatorade spot with me? Sit next to me on the team bus, won't you Adam? Huh? Huh? Awright!"

And for this to happen in New England? This is like the Return of the Curse. If you're a hockey guy, you remember how wrong it seemed that Bryan Trottier, Islanders Hall-of-Famer, coached the Rangers... It was so wrong that Isles and Rangers fans AGREED it was wrong. Well, this is about as bad. The only thing possibly worse than this in New England would be if Larry Bird, before Game Seven at the Garden, whonked Kevin McHale with a folding chair and then stripped his warmups to reveal a Lakers jersey. Then picture him standing at center court, right on the Blessed Leprechaun, flexing and mugging with Kareem while Johnny Most howled "NOOOOO! This isn't happening! Somebody stop this!"

Adam Viniateri, Indianapolis Colt? The hell, you say. April Fool's must be a week early.

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