AI - ten to nine

Welcome to the Late Edition of the water cooler! Tonight, the top ten rumble, mumble, and stumble through songs from their respective birth years. I predict that I will become depressed by how many of these songs are from 1985 and beyond. (And my year? Let's just say that my options are limited. Lordy, what a sack o' stink. Gilbert O'Sullivan?!??! I think I'd probably do "Hot Rod Lincoln," and be done.)

First up, Remiele. 1987. (Told you.) She's glad to be in the top ten; she thinks she belongs here. (She's hitting the soy sauce again this week.) She's singing "Alone" by Heart. Uhm, didn't Carly smoke this a few weeks ago? Yeah, she's immobile again. And she's Happy Facing. And she's sharp. And yelling. The crowd is doing that slow arm waving thing. Are they preprogrammed? Silly. Randy says it was too big a song (correct); Paula is ... holy cow, she doesn't look good at all. Seriously, she looks ill. Some blather about big talent, yeh. Simon says that it wasn't as bad as Randy thought, she'll probably get through on that performance. Sad but true, but I didn't like it; why run head-to-head against a more talented competitor and come off worse? It just boosted Carly at Remiele's own expense. (She could have done "Walk Like an Egyptian," or a U2 song, or Janet Jackson's "Let's Wait a While" - she would have done well with that.)

Ryan wants us to write songs for the first single. Then he wants us to listen to Jason Castro - it's his birthday tonight! (Awwwwww.) Hah, his brother had a "keytar." Also born in '87 - much smarter, he's doing a Sting song, "Fragile." His voice is ideally suited for this. He's not rocking it out or anything, but it is a solid performance. He's bringing it home well. I don't dig the weird rock faces, but that's the only quibble. Randy: nice, nothing jumped out. (Didn't I just write that?) Paula agrees with Randy. Simon is trying to shake him up a bit; tells him it was too laid back, too in his own world: "I've heard that hundreds of times in the subway." He is a mellow dude, isn't he? Even sounds like, "fer sure, really," but admits his playing was a little ragged and he needs to practice more.

Syesha - another 1987. I'm going to hate this year's music almost as much as my own. She did the baby cry again. Luckily I could never hate babies. She has sides, she says! A mellow side, an adult side, a silly side... y'know, unlike every last person on earth. "If I Were Your Woman." Thank you, no. OK, OK, that was rude. Man, those earrings are terrible though. My car's hubcaps are smaller. Syesha does well with the soulful songs, especially of this subject - the Woman Pining for an Inaccessable Man. Randy and Paula called it her absolute best ever, new contender, America will remember this moment... Simon wasn't quite as sold. If it's possible, I'll sit in the middle of those critiques. She was very good tonight, hit almost every note she tried.

Next, Dr. Chikeize and Mr. Hyde. Seriously, he's been either hideous or great. This week is scheduled for great. He was born in 1985, so he's got a lot of good choices - of course he's not a new wave sort of guy. "If Only," a ballad. He's nailing it. I love the tone of his voice tonight, and he's playing it straight. The long note in the bridge was pitchy, but otherwise great. Best of the evening so far. Randy just called this an "oldie," and said that it wasn't hip and cool. Boring to him. (Idiotic.) Paula said it was a good throwback performance. Simon said he sang well, but the performance was cheesy. He needs to show a little more originality. Well, last week's "original" harmonica wheezing and hoedown Beatles break was hardly a high moment in Idol history, so I liked what Chikeize did here.

Brooke is coming up next, with a Police song. It has to be something from Synchronicity, she's not that terribly old. Please, not "Every Breath You Take." But what else could she do from that album? "King of Pain?" Yup, there it is, 1983. And yup, there's the stalker anthem! Whoa, she blew the first words and started right over. Her on a solo piano. It sounds decent... but then it picks up and it's all just eh. She sounds too country to sell the whole obsessed Say Anything vibe the song requires. Randy liked the beginning better. Paula blabbered a bit. Whoa - I just noticed those bizarre glovelike tubes Paula's wearing. It really is 1983 all over again. Simon agreed with Randy about just staying on the piano by herself, without the band.

I could go a long, happy time without seeing that "thrillicious" commercial. Ever.

Michael Johns, rocking out in 1978. I like these family bits. The parents and siblings are terrific. Hahahaha, "I'm too good for you," with the little gloating dance. I'm totally using that on my brother. NICE. "We Will Rock You." Good stuff, time to start rocking it out - finally. Now they cut it really short so he can also sing a bit of "We Are the Champions." He's doing very well, he didn't... quite... reach the note on "never lose," but has the attitude. He's holding the notes at the end very well. OK, this was solid. Better than solid. Judges all love it, Simon says this is the first time he's seen star potential. I have to say that, no matter how many times you hear it all together on the radio, these are technically two different songs, so it's kinda cheating a little itty bit.

Carly is a Virgo, and Oirish. She sounds more Oirish than her mum. She had a huge white 'fro going for her as a wee bairn, awesome. She's singing from 1983 as well - oh CRAP it's "Total Eclipse of the Heart." I really can't stand Jim Steinman's songs. I mean, it's suited for her voice, but so is a lot of stuff from this year. Stevie Nicks had "Stand Back" and "Stop Dragging My Heart Around;" she could have done Tom Petty's "You Got Lucky," even. Oh, the singing... right... well, beginning was excellent (drat), middle was good, and the very end, she tried too hard. Randy is sort of right by accident; Paula makes more sense, until she says that Carly "can do no wrong tonight." Simon says she seemed uptight during the performance and that something didn't quite work as a result.

Heh, Carly was seventh again tonight. Archuleta's up eighth. And that was a GREAT Coke commercial with the two football teams, 50's v. today. Terrific spot. (This just in: Milla Jovovich is a hottie.) OK, fast forwarding the rest. Another "Moment of Truth" spot. Ugh, that's one ugly show.

Awwww, David may miss prom. They show a shot of the potential date in the audience. Back off Ryan, he's HER date! Anyway, David will be doing a Black-Eyed Peas song tonight. But first his parents talk about him. Trucker Dad and Sultry Mom show a clip of David and his sister dancing. "It's just sort of embarassing." And now all of America gets to see it! Poor guy. Finally, he's singing - don't recognize it. It's good, but of course it's another Social Awareness Singalong from David. "We're all someone's daughter, we're all someone's son." Half right. "How long can we look at each other down the barrel of a gun?" I've never done, kiddo. Do you live in Reverse Mormon World where everyone walks around looking through rifle sights at each other? Lots of Latter-Day Gang activity in your neighborhood, drive-bys and such? Quit scolding me, you brat! Yeah, excellent job and all, but I am growing sick to death of this whole rigamarole: "I have a conscience, and I shall sing of Important Things, and then I will grin like a demented lemur while everyone cheers for little ol' me!" Criminy. Funny, Randy's never heard of it either. (Probably because it wasn't done by Mariah or Journey.) Paula says, "You could sing the phone book and we would fall in love with you." He would have been better off singing the phone book than this, and I daresay I would have enjoyed it more. Simon is a riot: "It's one of those ghastly songs you sing when you've got, like, animated creatures with you, and everyone joins in together... I don't think that is you at all and I'd be amazed if you chose the song yourself." Sadly, Simon, it IS him. Completely. He's the clean-cut, earnest social conscience of American Idol, and it makes me hurt in my brains.

Kristy Lee Hoedown is up - born in 1984. Heh, wouldn't you love to hear her break out some Van Halen? "Caintcha see me standin' here, ah got mah back agin the reckerd muh-chiiiine..." Nope, it's "God Bless the USA." If Kristy makes me hate Lee Greenwood I hope she never sees her horse again. Gaaaah, they're arm-waving again. SEEN IT. I am going to tape the audience to their chairs in a minute. Well, this is mediocre. It's a personal song, and she's singing "you" instead of "I" for the verse. Getting better toward the end, as she warms to the subject. In the end it actually works without being mawkish. Simon calls it a brilliant song choice and her best performance, possibly saving her on the show. I wasn't quite falling over myself about it but it did work.

That "Prom Night" movie is going to suck out loud.

David Cook closing it out. Cute kid. Heh, he thinks that he just had a massive skull, like a Marvel supervillian. I hate to break it to you, Dave, but you still have way too much forehead. He's born in 1982, which means that he has his pick of about eighty zillion terrific songs. He's doing an alt-rock version of Billie Jean. Very smart, avoiding the Michael Jackson comparisons. Great arrangement. (I wonder where he boosted it from.) He knocked it clear out of the park. Just a terrific performance, head of the class tonight. Randy loved it - he called it a joint, which he's been doing every time he really likes the song or the performance. (His sudden fondness for that terminology may explain his bizarre Pole-ur type lapses this season.) Paula is standing to tell him he's smart, and brave, and willing... and she pauses juuuuuust a bit too long before finishing. Simon keeps it simple: it was amazing. Agreed. Eleventy votes from me.

Bottom three - Ramiele, Chikeize (though I liked it myself), and.... hm, tough to fill the last one, but I'd have to say Carly again. Jason will probably get a pass tonight but he needs a better performance next week. Going home? I'll say Ramiele.

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