Wednesday, June 10, 2009

New Jersey and infomercial products

...perfect together.

NEWTON--A Snuggie-wearing thief who allegedly attempted to break into the Main Street Grocery on Friday night was thwarted when witnesses spied him stacking crates to gain access through a window, police said.
You can stay warm while answering the phone! Great for home, camping out, even at the stadium! But not so much while trying to visit a business after-hours.

Police responded to the area at 11:30 p.m. after receiving reports from a nearby home of several people, including a man wearing dark clothing described as a trench coat, who were attempting to burglarize the closed Main Street store.
Grammarian's note - it is the report that had several people in it, not the nearby home. Police responded when someone reported that several people were trying to break into the store. Thank you; carry on.

Brandon Ryzner-Meredith, 18, of Newton, was found in the area, wearing a dark blue "Snuggie" blanket and a hooded sweatshirt, said Detective Lt. Michael Richards. A Snuggie is a blanket with sleeves that is heavily advertised and satirized on TV.
For those of you scoring at home: that's a guy wearing a Snuggie, busted during a smash-and-grab by Cosmo Kramer. You can take things from there.

Ryzner-Meredith was taken into custody and charged with criminal mischief, criminal attempt of burglary, possession of burglar's tools, and appearing in public in a versatile fleece bathrobe, police said. He was released, pending a Superior Court appearance.

Three Newton teens, who allegedly had fled the area due to extreme embarassment, were found by police over the next few days. Police tracked the youths due to their inability to control sputtering gales of laughter. Taken into evidence was a Flip video file of Ryzner-Meredith attempting to explain that the Snuggie was not really his, that some buddy asked him to hold it for a minute. They charged two 15-year-old boys and a 17-year-old boy in the attempted burglary, but agreed that the defendant looked like a total doofus, and called the video "key evidence AND comedy gold."
I may have supplied a few key details that were absent from the last two paragraphs.

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