Wednesday, December 17, 2008

I'm a Cool Kid Now!

I am going to take a crack at this. Stuff I’ve done is in bold, in italics is yet to be done. Many of these accomplished items are thanks to long all-expenses-paid vacations courtesy of Uncle Sam.

This is the longest post I’ve ever done. Feel free to break it up. Fly.

Start my own blog. I started a blog, but really couldn’t keep up with it. The Nightfly was kind enough to invite me to participate in this one.
Slept under the stars. As kids we used to camp out in the woods behind my house. More recently I would abstain from the tent during our church’s men’s campout. In Florida, one can sleep under the stars in January.
Played in band. Does my church’s worship team count? Long ago, I jumped up on stage and sang “House of the Rising Sun” with some band of Air Force enlisted. It was totally impromptu on my part. I don’t remember much in the way of details. I drank a lot of Wild Turkey that day.
Visited Hawaii. On my way to a temporary assignment to Christchurch NZ back in November 1978. The Navy had a boat tour of Pearl Harbor. The boat carried 200 people; besides me, the two GIs with me and the two sailors driving the boat the rest were Japanese tourists.
Watched a meteor shower. I will be a gazillion years old when Halley’s Comet comes back.
Given more than I could afford to charity. I have given to the point where I was forced to not be irresponsible with what I had left.
Been to Disneyland/world. First went to Disney World soon after it opened when I was 14 years. Of course it’s now 80 miles down the road so I’ve made a few more trips. My one trip to Disneyland was when I was 18.
Held a praying mantis.
Sung a solo. A few times in church. And an intoxicated version of House of the Rising Sun.
Bungee jumped.
Visited Paris. I was stationed at Rhein Main AB near Frankfurt. Paris is not that far of a drive.
Watched lightning at sea. I was in the Air Force, not the Navy.
Taught myself an art from scratch. I’m supposed to be learning to play guitar.
Adopted a child.
Had food poisoning. Does throwing up while drunk count?
Grown my own vegetables. My younger brother used to grow a special kind of vegetable that he didn’t want to talk about.
Seen the Mona Lisa. On my trip to Paris. In that museum whose name I can’t spell. It was on the wall in a case full of an inert gas.
Slept on an overnight train. New Brunswick, NJ to Tampa FL on Amtrak.
Had been in a pillow fight. Though I’ve never been in a blanket party.
Hitchhiked. A long time ago. Would never do it today. Would never pick anyone up. Have you seen the sexual predator list for the Tampa area?
Taken a sick day when not ill. This was tough in the Air Force because when you called in sick you actually had to go to the clinic. In civilian life I was like the Fly.
Built a snow fort
Held a lamb
Gone skinny dipping.
The idea of fish having access to my nether regions never appealed to me.
Run a marathon. A 5K when I was young and skinny. Once I passed my Air Force fitness test while drunk.
Ridden in a gondola in Venice. I’ve never ridden in a gondola anywhere.
Seen a total eclipse. Mama always told me not to look into the eyes of the sun. But mama, that's where the fun is.
Watched a sunrise or sunset.
Hit a home run. Are you kidding?
Been on a cruise. Since 1993, the military has had a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy – I’m sorry, I thought you meant that kind of cruise.
Seen Niagra Falls in person.
Visiting the birthplace of my ancestors. I wouldn’t know where that was.
Seen an Amish community.
Taught myself a new language. I can thank Frau Fineberg and Absegami High School for the German I know.
Had enough money to be truly satisfied. "He humbled you and let you be hungry, and fed you with manna which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that He might make you understand that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by everything that proceeds out of the mouth of the LORD” Deuteronomy 8:3
Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
Gone rock climbing.
On the same day I hit a home run.
Seen Michelangelo’s David. Someone’s been to Italy, and it wasn’t me.
Sung karaoke. And I’m good. I sing every Sunday, so I’m used to doing it in front of people. Of course the crowd on Sunday morning is more sober.
Seen Old Faithful erupt. When I was 18 I took a trip across the country with two other guys.
Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant. I've treated the homeless, if fast food joints qualify.
Visited Africa. On my way to not visiting Italy.
Walked on a beach by moonlight.
Been transported in a ambulance. The day before Easter this year. Cost me $464.
Had my portrait painted.
Gone deep sea fishing. When I was stationed in Homestead FL. The mixture of open water and Southern Comfort. Let’s just say I provided my own chum.
Seen the Sistine Chapel in person.
Been to the top pf the Eiffel Tower in Paris. A little scary because it sways in the wind at the top.
Gone scuba diving or snorkeling.
Kissed in the rain.
Played in the mud.
Gone to a drive-in theater
. Mom and Dad took us to see Clint Eastwood in A Fistful of Dollars and For a Few Dollars More.
Been in a movie.
Visited the Great Wall of China.
Taken a martial arts class
Visited Russia
. I know some Russians. Does that count?
Served in a soup kitchen. Donated but never served.
Sold Cub/Girl Scout cookies/candies. Though I love Thin Mints.
Gone whale watching.
Gotten flowers for no reason.
Unlike the Fly, I am not blessed with a wonderful bride.
Donated blood. Used to all the time until GIs who served in Europe in the 1980s were rejected. I may have mad cow disease from eating Brit beef in the chow hall.
Gone sky diving. Jumping out of a perfectly good airplane?
Visited a Nazi concentration camp. I spent three years in Germany. Why didn’t I do this?
Bounced a check. I don’t have overdraft protection. I average once per year.
Flown in a helicopter. You will shriek like Ned Flanders, Fly.
Saved a favorite childhood toy. I do have a plaque I won for an essay when I was 10.
Visited the Lincoln Memorial.
Eaten caviar.
Pieced a quilt.
Stood in Times Square. Long ago, when it was a naughty place
Toured the Everglades.
Been fired from a job.
I’m assuming laid off doesn’t count.
Seen the changing of the guard in London
Broken a bone. In my foot. No biggy.
Been on a speeding motorcycle. Honda CX500 back in 1983 in Florida. The bike could go over 95mph, but not with me on it.
Seen the Grand Canyon in person. On the same trip as Old Faithful and Disneyland.
Published a book.
Visited the Vatican
. Again with Italy.
Bought a brand new car.
Walked in Jerusalem.
I haven’t even walked in Memphis.
Had my picture in the paper.
Read the entire Bible. About five times. Of course the Fly has more books to read.
Visited the White House. When my Dad was in the Navy, he worked in JFK’s White House as an air traffic controller. Never saw Marilyn Monroe.
Killed and prepared an animal for eating.
Had chickenpox.
Saved someone’s life.
Sat on a jury.
I was called for jury duty, but was never chosen
Met someone famous. I met Peter Frampton’s bass player, Stanley Sheldon, in a bar in Christchurch NZ around Thanksgiving 1978.
Joined a book club.
Lost a loved one. Like the Fly, too many, too soon.
Had a baby.
Seen the Alamo in person. Town pass during boot camp
Swam in the Great Salt Lake. On the same trip as Old Faithful and Disneyland.
Been involved in a lawsuit. My employer was sued in small claims court. We won.
Owned a cell phone. Company issued.
Been stung by a bee.
Ridden an elephant
. At Lowry Park Zoo in Tampa.
Read all three volumes of The Lord of the Rings. But I saw the movies.
Visited the Taj Mahal. Does the one in Atlantic City count?
Performed in a dance recital. Are you kidding?
Been on horseback while the horse jumped over something.
Won an athletic competition.
Again, are you kidding?
Gotten a straight-A report card. As a lower-gradeschooler
Prayed to Zeus. I have knelt to pray to the porcelain deity.
Watched news coverage, rapt, to see what was going to happen. Like the Fly. During 9/11. I haven’t watched the 6:30 network news in 15 years. Nowadays when something’s going on I “rush” to my radio at noon.
Gotten lost in a building over 500 years old. Been in such a building, but never lost.
Kissed someone milliseconds before bells started to ring.

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