Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Fw: FW: re: Enough of this!

In the old days, chain letters were more of a commitment. They had to be addressed, stuffed, sealed, and they cost a bunch of stamps to move along.

Now, though. :::sigh::: Too easy. Nobody has to even type any of the addresses. Just open the list, click a few times - or just tap "Reply All" - and viola, you can fling this crap across the internet like a virtual howler monkey:

Just read the little stories and think of a wish as you scroll all the way to the bottom. There is a message there - then make your Wish.

It's not like I don't enjoy mail from family and friends... But I enjoy mail from family and friends. Even two personal lines saying that you're well, and the dog ate a caterpillar and it made his pee green, but it's been sunny lately and not too warm - that's all. How does this sort of thing actually help us stay closer?

No attachment on this one.! Stories

And it starts. There is a series of tales appended by other readers of the letter - or composed out of whole cloth to amuse and enlighten; it's impossible to tell, nor does it matter.

I'm 13 years old, and I wished that my dad would come home from the army, because he'd been having problems with his heart and right leg.

Translation - I'm forty-two, still live with both my parents, and am writing this at the end of a chain letter as a break from my World of Warcraft campaign.

It was 2:53 p.m.. When I made my wish. At 3:07 PM. (14 minutes Later), the doorbell rang, and there my Dad was, luggage and all!!

You can almost see the crayon and backwards R's, can't you? Heartwarming. Of course, Dad has known for months when his hitch was up, got his orders two weeks ago, and was on a plane for eleven hours before Wonderboy and His Wishing Magic ever opened the email. But no, we'll just type it up and stick it on the end of a message to sixty-seven people, only eight of whom we've actually met. Wishing is better than thinking!

I'm Katie and I'm 20 and I've been having trouble in my job and on the verge of quitting.

You can do better on your job by wasting less time writing and forwarding crap email on the company's nickel. Just a thought.

I made a simple wish that my boss would get a new job. That was at 1:35 and at 2:55 there was an announcement that he was promoted and was leaving for another city.

If you really had this amazing wishing power, wouldn't you be smarter to wish that YOU got a promotion and a transfer to another city? Then you wouldn't have to deal with the stares from bitter co-workers who know all about you and your insistance that your daydreams control the world. To sum up - 20 years old, wasting her time on internet chain letters, not smart enough to realize that the boss, not being an idiot like her, has spent the past few months working hard, getting noticed, going on interviews, and earning a well-deserved promotion away from the crazy slacker girl with delusions of Jedihood.

Believe me... this really works!!!

That's where I met the leprechaun. He told me to burn things! [/ralphwiggum]

My name is Ann and I am 45 years of age. I had always been single and had been hoping to get into a nice, loving relationship for many Years.

There's that 42 year old guy from before. Just hit "Reply All."

While kind of daydreaming (and right after receiving this email) I wished that a quality person would finally come into my life. That was at 9:10 AM on a Tuesday. At 9:55 AM a FedEx delivery man came into my office.

The Federal Express Corporation would like to officially apologize for this incident. The person in question is not actually an employee, and made the uniform himself from scraps of his old college mascot outfit. He takes empty boxes from dumpsters and "delivers" them to various businesses. He's really harmless. Give him a buck or two and sign his newspaper, and he'll leave happy.

He was cute, polite and could not stop smiling at me. He started coming back almost everyday (even without packages) and asked me out a week later.

No packages. See? Not a Delivery Guy. Remember - look for the picture ID!

We married 6 months later and now have been happily married for 2 years. What a great email it was!!

You've been sitting on this great email for a while, haven't you? That's 2½ years before you forwarded this life-changing information. While you were dawdling, Dad got redeployed, his kid dropped out of high school, Katie went back to community college to find herself, and her old boss opened his own company and went public - raked in $27 million on the first day's trading.

So, when deciding whether to wish and forward, consider - which of those four people has had the best life? The one who decided to do something productive instead of wishing and forwarding.

Just scroll down to the end, but while you do, think of a wish. Make your wish when you have completed scrolling. Whatever age you are, is the number of minutes it will take for your wish to come true. ( are 25 years old, it will take 25 minutes for your wish to come true).

Just in case we were unclear on the whole "age=# of minutes" concept. Really, I wish that you could see the thing in its original form - 24 point type, bad punctuation, misplaced capitals, and tortured grammar. (I saved a bit of it in the "It was 2:53 pm" paragraph.) But there is no way on earth I'm forwarding it, so you'll just have to get your own.

However, if you don't send this to People in 5 minutes, you will have bad Luck for years!!

People... who don't spam People... are the un-Luckiest People...

Guess I'll chance it. And if the dear person who sent this along reads this - please PLEASE understand. I am not angry with you. I daresay you don't believe a word yourself, but thought that it was a cute, harmless diversion. I dig it. I love cute and harmless diversions. (And kitties.) But think for a moment: do you send only these "diversions"? Do you tell yourself, "Aw, it couldn't hurt and who knows, it might work!"? I'm sure friends and loved ones would mind this less if you also told them about work and the church group social and the nice kid in the supermarket who remembered your name from last week and helped bring the bags to the car.

If all you're doing is carpet-bombing every mailbox on your list - including multiple accounts for the same person - then take it to heart, you are not helping. You are probably annoying the very people you're trying to make smile. This is why they don't write back, except to say For God's sake Quit It. You'll both be happier if you write a real email - or a real letter (since you have all those extra stamps lying around) - or a real phone call.

No comments: