For the actual snark and performances, SarahK is on the case. I'm just too blitzed right now. But here's the results!
First, the commercial - All Mixed Up, but they kind of like it. I kind of don't. Then the group sing, "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey. In some alternate universe, the final nine are singing Mixed Up, and the Ford spot is seventeen minutes of parallel parking.
Someone at the Idols is reading the great SarahK, and they have a segment on the behind-the-scenes Idols. Interesting, but much the lightweight version of what Sarah was talking about in her post. Great segment with them goofing on each other, doing corny imitations of their performances. Super Saiyen doing Matt's "Viva La Vida" was pretty darned funny, as was (surprising!) Anoop's impression of Kris singing "."
Now they are splitting the nine into three groups of three: Matt, Megan, Kris with a K; Adam, Lil, and Allison; Scott, Gokay, Anoop. But enough of that excitement - time for David Cook! Sweet skinny black tie. My man. Singing his newest single, "Come Back to Me." Me likey. He played overseas for the troops - brilliant. They just rolled out a plaque for his debut album going platinum. DC - "I put out a solo album in '06 that sold something like 1000 copies in a year." Says he always cries on this stage. Cool guy.
So 36 million more votes have brought us to this. Kris sang "Ain't No Sunshine," and he's safe. Hi fives all around. Matt sang "You Found Me." I'm guessing there's one of the bottom feeders in each of these three groups... I know, now I'm really going out on a stretch. Anyway, Matt's safe, and Kris immediately goes "April Fool's! Go back on stage!"
Megan is snarking Simon: "I love you but I don't care." Well, neither do we, for you. Ryan sends her to the Eggcups, and she caws her way over. Why? Because she hates us too.
Second group. Lil is safe. Allison is not. That was kind of a given, considering that Adam is standing right there, in all his Lordly Emo-ness. He was compared to Mick Jagger and Steven Tyler. Don't strike me down, but I think the better comparison is Freddy Mercury. The reason they can't do Queen Week anymore is because nobody can keep up with Freddy - his chops are just too righteous. But Adam has both the voice and the absolute over-the-top commitment to the performance. If he does wind up out early, it will only be because he's indulges himself and sings something that leaves the audience befuddled.
Gokay and Scott are both safe. Anoop takes the third Eggcup, as both he and Randy thought would happen.
Erm... somebody with Fisher Price hair and wearing aluminum foil is playing a giant neon bubblegum piano. Her name is Gaga. She's accompanied by a fiddler. It's a numbuh one reh-courd called "Poker Face." When exactly did this become Neptune Idol? I mean, I can't be the only one puzzled here. She looks like Bjork playing Floston's Paradise. Some guy on stage is having a grand mal seizure listening to this. Wait, now there are three other guys in suits having grand mal seizures in unison while Gaga sings. This is one part bizarre performance art, one part Eurotrash synthpop, one part backwoods hick symphony, and the grand total is 100% awful. Ladybug - "This is crap."
The Idols wait. Anyone worth saving, Ryan asks. Simon: "Only one." Really? "Yeah." HAHAHAHA! Then they send Allison back to safety. Now, that total is zero. Annnnnnddddd.... Megan pulls a bizarre fake "Oh noes" face, which I kind of want to punch.
YES! Megan's out. Kaput. Simon spells it out: "You can't pretend to care, and we can't pretend that we're going to save you, so this is your swan song." Someone in the audience caws at her. She sings herself off in front of the judges: Ryan is bobbing, Kara is clapping, Paula is standing and dancing.... and Simon is casually drinking Coke. I love him with all my heart.
Next week, birth year songs. And we can all breathe just a little bit earlier.