Saturday, August 20, 2005

Fly walks the line

Rolling north up Route 9 in Monmouth County, one doesn't bat an eye when the sign says "Shift Right Ahead." Large hunks of the roadway are being torn up there. But when the Shift Right takes you into the Wendy's parking lot it gets noticed.

They weren't treating us all to small Frosties. DUI check. The officer peeked through my open window with a flashlight. "Good evening, sir." Very professional, friendly. "Have you had any alcoholic beverages this evening?"

"No, sir." (True. Sorry guys.)

[noticing my goaltender's stick along the passenger side] "Play any hockey tonight?"

"No, sir. "

I suppose if I said yes they'd have checked me for concussions as well as booze. But I wasn't tonight's winner, so I was waved along without doing the nose-pointy thing or the dwarkcab tebahpla. (Which sounds Klingon and would definitely land me in stir.) He even gave me a receipt:

A little further on the way home I saw a car on fire on Route 18, surrounded by squad cars; one of those sights that every guy can't help but think is kinda cool. And then, after dodging all of this, one of the local roads near home had a large "Road Closed" sign and a line of orange pylons.

At this point it's two in the morning; I can't see anyone doing anything, nor any line of cones on the other end of the road. I swing the Discount Chariot right around it and head for the traffic light. When I get there, a man in a parked car honks at me. Oh, that's nice - the car is marked "Department of Highways." (Have I mentioned that men are idiots?) I roll the window and look over.

"Hey, man," he says. "Don't turn left, go straight. There's three cop cars right around the corner."

Now, that was a sound use of taxpayer funds. Thank you, sir.


Anonymous said...

What good does a receipt do? Maybe if it was date and time stamped, one could use it at the the next checkpoint or traffic stop."

"OK Officer, here's my license, registration, insurance, and Get out of a DWI pass."

Just think of the fraud possibilites.


Mr. Bingley said...

No Booze?

A Hockey stick in 100ยบ weather, and not playing hockey?

Fly, you may need some professional help...

No booze?

wunderkraut said...

You were like that guy crossing the border with a bloody chainsaw. If I were a cop, I would have rolled you good for all that Mr. Bingley said.

Have you been playing Hockey?

No sir.

*crack of nightstick across your back*

Don't lie to me son.

Honest. I have not been playing Hockey.


Ok, Ok, Ok.... I HAVE been playing Hockey....I am so ashamed. *sob*

BTW...why the heck did Bingley and I capitalize Hockey? What is hockey anyway?

*turns towards camera* Why am I asking you?

nightfly said...

Heheheheheh. I wouldn't expect an Atlantean to dig the Lord's Own Hockey. You guys lost the Flames to Calgary, after all. The Thrashers may not get their fan base back.

BTW - I had played on Tuesday night, but hadn't pulled the stick out of the car. Bad habit of mine.