Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Scientology's Top Gun

(To go along with our caption contest, you may enjoy a bit of fun courtesy the Barking Spider - his site is in stasis but he's still got plenty to say. I've gotten his kind permission to run his latest as a guest post, which is not only the first guest post in the Hive's history, but also the first time the Fly invited the Spider into his parlor.)

It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to the yoke of slavery. - Galatians 5:1.

Let's say you are not some theological wizard. How can you tell if you are in a cult? A couple questions to ask:

If you are a new convert, do they let you go to the little boy's or girl's room by yourself? Most cults will not let you out of their sight. They will have programs with the intent to fill you with so many activities that you lose your old friends and get sucked up. The Boston or International Church of Christ is an example of a nasty cult found at a lot of colleges. I had to throw these chumps out of my dorm once. [That was at dear old Rutgers, where they used to operate under the banner of Campus Advance. Jeff was my Residence Advisor. -NF]

Is there secret knowledge that is not shared with you until you are ready for it? For example, Tom C's girlfriend is being lied to when she is told that one can be a good Catholic and a Scientologist. Later on, when she is sucked in enough to be allowed to go potty on her own, she will get straightened out about that. It's not until you are an Operating Thetan VII that you are let in on all the neat "alien battle 75-million years ago and we are hampered by the spirits of dead aliens" stuff.

As for Christianity, the secret texts are on sale at Wal-Mart. Every Sunday, my pastor opens these classified documents and talks about what's in them with no regard for COMSEC - the doors wide open, big sign outside telling everybody when he's going to give up the secrets of the faith. And if you ask the right person, you can probably get a copy of the secret text to take home. Don't even have to stuff it in your shorts like Sandy Burglar.

On one thing Tom C and I do agree: someone who was once dead is coming back. It's just not going to be L Ron Hubbard. (Hint: His birthday is this Sunday.)

From the LA Times. - Jeff

My only question - is that a picture of L Ron on the sidebar, or has the Skipper finally gone cuckoo?

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