Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Emily was right...

I am such a fascist. Either that, or someone at IP address has quite the sense of humor. It doesn't matter, since said individual is banned. He pasted the Hive with a gargantuan comment about an hour ago, with the salutation: "Jesus Christ is a false god. At best all Christians can hope for is partial credit."

Hooray! Fun With Idiots!

"14 species of large animals capable of domesitcation in the history of mankind. 13 from Europe, Asia and northern Africa. None from the sub-Saharan African continent.

Favor. And disfavor. They point out Africans’ failed attempts to domesticate the elephant and zebra, the latter being an animal they illustrate that had utmost importance for it's applicability in transformation from a hunting/gathering to agrarian-based civilization. The roots of racism are not of this earth."

Oh, the eloquence. Oh, the logic.

"Organizational Heirarchy/Levels of positioning:

1. MUCK - perhaps have experienced multiple universal contractions (have seen multiple big bangs), creator of the artificial intelligence humans ignorantly refer to as 'god'
2. Perhaps some mid-level alien management
3. Evil/disfavored aliens - runs day-to-day operations here and perhaps elsewhere."

So many questions for our troll... how did you get lucky enough to blow the lid off the whole "AI Lord" business? How are you getting away with posting all of this behind the backs of evil aliens when it took me five minutes to look you up? (Maybe I'm one of them! You may be next!)

"Movies foreshadowing catastrophy"

Was there a movie about a really bad speller that I missed? (Must be direct-to-video.)

"1985 James Bond View to a Kill 1989 San Francisco Loma Prieta earthquake."

That's the ENTIRE LIST. And it's really such a stretch to boldly predict that San Francisco will suffer earthquakes. This guy must be some sort of L-Ron level genius.

Oh, and it goes on, paragraph after dreary paragraph. He even threatens to make sense talking about Wal-Mart and cheap overseas labor, but never quite gets there. And then he decides to revisit the prophetic teachings of the Great Glowing Box in the Den:

"Simpson's foreshadowing::
Helloween IV special, Flanders is Satan. "It's always the one you least suspect."
"You'll see lots of nuns where you're going:::hell." St. Wigham, Helloween VI:::missionary work, destroying cultures.
Over and over, the Simpsons was a source of education and enlightenment, a target of ridicule by the system which wishes to conceal its secrets."

All that systemic ridicule... It's a pity that the Simpsons were limited to a paltry 16-year run. Think of the secrets that died aborning!

"The similarity between the names "Santa" and "Satan" is no coincidence."

Well, then the Islanders are well and truly screwed. He even looks sinister.

As for "santa," I thought it meant saint in Italian. In fact, my father's grandmother was named Santa (and his grandfather was named Santo). But you know those Italians... "Amercia is a country of castoffs, rejects. Italy sent its criminals, malcontents. ... Mafia - the real-world 20th century interface that constantly turns over generationally so as to reinforce the widely-held notion of mortality."

We all know that mortality is for chumps and thetans. If you were truly enlightened you'd be as free as the air between this guy's ears. But you're stuck down here on Planet Earth with the rest of us, and it doesn't get any better, no matter who you are:

"Jews maim the body formed in the image of 'god', and inflicted circumcision upon all other white people."

If it's a false god, who cares what happened to the body? But no, keep going...

"I think about how Jews were used to create homosexuality among Slavics, supposedly retribution for the Holocaust."

I don't recall hearing this in Adam Sandler's Hanukkah Song. Would have brought the house down.

"For their suffering the Jew leaders were granted the right to prey on the up-and-coming Europeans to try to fix their problems with the ruling elite by imposing a false god upon white people, a recurring aspect of the elite's methodology."

Granted by whom? The evil aliens? The corporations? Hold on, let me scroll up a bit, I think he actually covered this...

"7. Jews, corporation, women, politician - Evidence exisits to suggest mafia management over all these groups."

Bingo! Damned Dago Nation!

"1. Labor unrest caused the world at war.
2. Black militancy ignited the crack epidemic and gang-related deaths.
3. Women's rights/sexual freedom produced Roe v Wade and women's exclusion from contention for Planet Immortality."

You know, I went to a Planet Immortality last time I was in Manhattan - good food, a bit pricey, and too loud to have a real conversation.

"But on the bright side peasants don't go. Money is one way of indicating favor, and if you're not wealthy you don't have favor, so don't sweat it::you weren't going anyways."

You mean, we have to stay away from you for all eternity? Say it ain't so!

"An evil republican will come forth to wreck havock upon the disfavored. The hunting incident was designed to ruin one possible candidate among his contingency, but others wait in the wings."

At least he's topical, right? Up-to-date nuts are the best kind. Any current event or social development plugs seamlessly into their Rube Goldberg worldview.

"All the groups mentioned throughout are necessary to justify the will of the managing species. They conceive a strategy, devise a plan yet need a way to implement it, and without these groups the managing species would be exposed in the course of execution. So, based upon their rank they are assigned goals to accomplish and are rewarded with favor..."

And at this point - after three full pages of single-spaced, 9-point type - our intrepid whistle blower cuts off. Out of space.


Friends, watch your backs. Even reading this could put you at risk from Xenu's Traveling Bilgewater Killers. Just 'cause they're intensely stupid doesn't mean they have bad aim.

UPDATE - 2:00 pm - Bingley to the rescue! After failing here, Big Bad Xenu Daddy shot a copy over to the Coalition - with bonus material!

"I question if we would experience global warming if they didn't terraform with an ultimate goal of destroying disfavored human life on planet earth::::they terraform the weather as they did in New Orleans with Hurricane Katrina (and lots of other examples) and justify it with behavior like instructing their petroleum friends to repress alternative technologies and encourage waste."

I was waiting for Chimpy W. McHitlerburton to make his entrance on the stage. They saved him for the finale, sort of like the Level Boss in a video game.

"This is all happening shortly after the Exodus of 2000 (clues::Hong Kong, Panama Canal) for a reason::: they are INFLICTING it upon us, they are hastening closure. Everybody they care about has come up, replaced by clones, and they want to proceed in haste."

Clones. Our friend forgot to add Episode II to the list of cinematic prohpecies. Well, I'll cut him slack if you do. After all, if caring is the measuring stick, this fellow is definitely NOT a clone.

"Armeggedon isn’t about the end of the world. Armeggedon is about the death of the disfavored left behind. And they weren’t lying::this time it is going to happen with fire. But it's not going to happen because of global warming."

WHAT?!?!? Make up what little mind you have!

"To silence the inevitable internal conflict it's going to happen in the blink of an eye:::::As Edgar Cayce prophicised Earth's axis will shift breaking continental plates free and initiating mass subduction."

Edgar Blargin' Cayce? I waded through all of that plus a sequel for EDGAR CAYCE? Bastard. Mr. B, go ahead and delete with extreme prejudice.

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