The Option

Over in one of the infamous FFO threads, a favorite target is rude driving.

Usually, it's the fancy cars - Beemers, Lexii - or SUVs. You also get the double-whammy: Escalades and such, belonging to both classes, which increases the effect exponentially. You know, 'cause a guy shlepping around in a Hyundai can't possibly be heading to anything as important as their golf and cocktail hour at the Snotty Yacht Club.

(OK, that's a brutal stereotype.)

One commenter called it "The ***hole Option" and guessed that it was a dealer upgrade for certain makes of car: tinted windows, blinkers that don't work, hi-beams that automatically come on whenever you tailgate; that sort of thing. Lately, though, I suspect that it's an after-market product, because the unlikeliest cars are beginning to show evidence of the Option... minivans.

Either people are buying them as a post-ironic expression of hipness, or they're trying to be less obvious targets for traffic citations, or they're just parents who never outgrew the Option. Whatever the class, they are demonstrating the same utter lack of consideration for fellow drivers. I wonder if considerate driving is going to be extinct within my lifetime, with the roads of New Jersey emptied of all but the hardiest souls, who don't mind swapping paint with fellow commuters, holding themselves ready to ram or be rammed at any moment.

Until then, I've decided to make the Option work for me. I mean, if someone else is hogging the passing lane, why should I be the one sitting patiently behind them, taking the heat from a guy who obviously needs to start brain surgery in fifteen minutes? I simply slide to the side. If Hokey Pokey thinks I'm a hassle, wait until he has two tons of light truck inspecting the molecular structure of his trunk. Enjoy your SUV enema.