“What have we done,” Ryan asks while looking over poor Nick Mitchell. Uhm… you tell me. It wasn’t any voting of ours that put him on that stage. (Timely clip of Randy at Nick’s audition: “OK, yes, whatever!”) This is American Idol!
The judges are appropriately all in black tonight. Ryan tries some bantering about Simon’s tan and he comes back with “Can this be less about me and more about the show?” I feel the bromance, friends.
The group sing is “I Just Can’t Stop,” guys first, girls joining in. I like the arrangement. I have a soft spot for these group gigs. Heh, Nick looks so annoyed at being buttoned down Mr. Normal. He busts out four seconds of Norman Gentle right at the end. Ryan then keeps me through the adverts with the promise of a “hidden audition clip.” It’s someone I don’t recognize belting out “It’s in His Kiss.” Kara does a touch of the backup vocals right at the end, it almost looks unwilling… Bleh. That was an anti-climax.
Then it’s on to the highlights, which would be maybe four or five people. Unfortunately they show all twelve. The first four were a wasteland last night. Misery.
Ryan asks Nick, “If you don’t make it then what can we expect from you?” Nick: “I’m always looking for work.” Heheheh. Nick’s a much more pleasant and likeable guy than Norman, and of course a better singer. Why does he need to put on the act? I don’t get it. Matt Beitzke, our soulful welder, has good answers too. Simon snarks him.
Yeah, so that breaks up the happy portion of our evening. It’s time to see who gets packed off and who gets to sit in one of the Eggcups of Joy. Allison is called up first. Ohhhhh no. Too early. Please cross me up here. Ryan calls Jessie and Matt B up alongside, and this is more promising, since Allison was clearly the best of these three. Yes! She’s in! Big sigh of relief here in Chez Nightfly. Allison’s so flustered she forgets that she should sing and has to be called back. Then after the break she allows that she’s “so friggin’ happy right now!” America’s win streak is up to four.
Kris and Megan next. LB and I agree that this looks like a pair of nos. BUT! Matt the Lesser and Jeanine are also up. This couldn’t be a rare quad Fail, could it? No – Ryan says one is certainly through. Paula says there’s no way to predict the result, so Ryan cuts Jeanine and Matt to help.
Heh, Kara starts rambling and Simon calls her on it.
K – “I’m trying to give some advice; it’s part of what I’m here to do! … I really like you, I think you’re talented.” [Which is praise, not advice – I guess that’s the other part of her job.] “Megan, you could be a big recording artist, blah blah blah, I like kitties, long walks at sunset, and singing backup during the auditions…”
S – “Kara, take your time.”
[much laughter at Chez Nightfly. We really should have invited him to our wedding. “OK, so listen, the first dance was brilliant, but the cake cutting was a boring, derivative mess. Uhtuhly forgettable. It was like some ghastly Elks Lodge initiation. Sowry!”]
K – “Do you ever shut up?”
NF – “Hey, you’re the one running longer than War and Peace, chickie.” Sowry!
K – “Well, I WILL take my time!”
Ryan – “No, I’ll take it from here.” HA! Ten points.
Annnnd – it’s Kris Allen! We’re five for five! Booya! My jinxin’ days may be over at last. Kris is properly humbled and agog. He also rocks the re-sing.
Fast-forward commercials, including the one with Carlton’s dad from Fresh Prince failing all the little children of the world by not letting them be the teachers and leaders when they don’t know anything yet. Then Jack comes on to cleanse the brain.
Sappy recap time – set to “What a Wonderful World.” I am such a pushover for these. We get the three singing cowboys, the Asian Liberace (We’re brothers! Forever!), Clay and Ruben and Daughtry and the Pickle… also the water tosser and a guy dressed as the Statue of Liberty. Ah, our Philly friend who’s going for actressing, dropping slo-mo F-bombs all over during the exit interview. I’m surprised they didn’t also show her reprise from this season, when her kinder, gentler side blistered Simon after another strikeout. They also show the huge geeky Clay fan who completely freak-spazzed when the actual Clay came onstage with him.
EEEEEEEK it’s the Hoff! And Sanjaya’s OMAC hairdo. (Evacuate the theater! Sanjaya is going to destroy it!) William Hung. They close with a lot of crying winners and big group hugs. (Funny, Taylor’s the only guy who didn’t seem to have any emotion about winning, just that cornpone grin of his.) All together now…. Awwwwww. And in keeping with that general feeling here’s Brooke White to sing her first single (she co-wrote), “Hold Up My Heart.” See that girl, bare-footin’ along. The song’s decent, a fluffy lite-country number. Very Brooke.
The last five of this year’s contestants are up en masse. Ryan intros my my my Mishavonna, Kai, and Jasmine – skipping over Nick and Adam. (Foreshadowing!) Yeah, my win-streak looks over. The three are excused and Nick’s left with Lord Emo, who shall surely triumph. Ryan stretches it out by asking Simon if he did, indeed, pray that Nick wouldn’t advance. Simon – “For about five or six hours, actually. I hope that God and I have a good relationship right now.” He’s brilliant. Don’t be envious, Kara.
Enough suspense. Lord Emo vanquishes the Jester. “That’s… too bad.” [/walkenvoice] The re-sing is somewhat less annoying but he still mugs for the camera. Maybe Mishovanna can grab a wildcard. (Lisa, you're our winner for this week! Congrats.)
Next up – the cussinest show on television, Hell’s Kitchen! Everyone knows Chef Ramsey’s well-practiced vocabulary, but this year’s contestants take it to a completely different plane of ghetto. They’e a shocking pack of vulgarians. It makes the Sopranos sound like Davey and Goliath.