Monday, June 23, 2008

Mein Katzenjammer..

..has an explanation.

'People have come to expect that if they spend a lot of money on a fifth of premium whiskey, and they drink a good bit of it on a Friday night, that they ought to feel terrible on Saturday morning. The most important part of my job is to see to it that just the right amount of fusel is added to the beverage so that their headache the next morning will meet their expectations. If we make our beverages too pure, too free of impurities, then our customers will feel cheated when they hardly have any headache at all the next morning, and they'll start to think that we're watering it down. They want their pain, so we add enough amyl alcohol to ensure that they get what they expect. The morning-after aches and pains are a key part of our brand identity.

There is no human language to describe the agony, the bedspins, bowing to the porcelain altar while your stomach was being wrung out like a wet towel. To realize that it was part of the marketing....

Twenty-four years of sobriety and still the sight of a bottle of Wild Turkey still turns my stomach. Heck, I was at the zoo last month and even the wild turkey exhibit got me queasy.

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